Choosing between your face and your figure

[MissAlabamaWhitman]

I think I've hit this particular fork in the road sadly.

I've always been 5'8, around 9stone 7 and an effortless size 8-10.
Since turning 32 a year ago I've sprouted Ecup boobs, a flabby tummy, fat arse and put on at least ten pounds.

Having said that I look much younger than my years, even more so after gaining weight and edging ever closer to a size 12.

I don't mind so much, I'm hardly overweight.

I'm just not particularly slender anymore and irrespective of my smooth face I'm not sure how I feel about this. I think my overall softer bodied appearance cancels out the relative youth of my face in any case. Sometimes

Is this just something we all go through in our early thirties or thereabouts or should I move my fat arse and do some bloody exercise/stop eating shite/ buy some vitamin c serum?

Your body really changes when you hit menopause and it's a huge major effort to keep it in decent shape.

I had relatively effortless slimness till I hit about 48, now it's an effort so I have for the first time in my life had to adjust my food intake. I now eat less carbs.

I think keeping in shape on the run up to menopause is really important because it just becomes even harder, sorry to be the bearer of bad news. One woman I used to work with said to remain the same size she cut her entire food intake by 30% to maintain weight.

I think it depends. I have always had a thin face, which can be ageing, but since I was about 36 I feel like I have been on a permanent diet and am about 1.5 stone heavier than when I was late 20s or early 30s, but I think I'm in perimenopause (because of other problems which bother me slightly more). It will come off but it seems really hard to maintain once lost!

Yo yo dieting is one of the most ageing things to do as you are stretching your skin each time you put on weight. When you lose a lot of weight your skin is not as elastic as it was when you were young, and will not snap back. I love being thin and will put up with a few wrinkles to feel better in my clothes. I agree with the previous poster, a slimmer figure suits the slightly androgynous look I prefer. I hate dresses and girly flared out skirts, which is a look which suits some people.
I agree with the OP, fat people usually have lovely skin as it is literally stretched tight over their excess fat, and chubby cheeks are equated with youth.

"my trainer says that my boobs will be greatful in a few years time wink, "

Grateful that you've given up running or grateful that you're doing pilates?

I do agree with the face vs figure thing but I think it applies more to people with quite boney/sharp features and high cheekbones as a few pounds weight loss does show dramatically on that face type.

Also agree a much fuller figure is also ageing but when people talk about face vs figure they're usually talking about the difference of 10lb or so. So you can be really slim but have a too skinny face or have a slightly chubbier look about you but be healthy in the face.

I have found optimum weight has shifted up as I've got older - by that I mean I still look healthy and not haggard but my butt isn't huge. I was an 8 and am now 8/10 but it fits better now than 8 would at this age (mid-late thirties).

Re flabby tummy mine is approaching flat now at a heavier weight due to Pilates, yoga and low carbing vs when I was a lot skinnier but did not exercise and had a def tum.

Thanks for all the responses and just general discussion around the subject

I think you're right. I need to do some exercise! Pilates sounds like the way to go I suppose so does anybody have any tips of how I could reasonably learn to do this at home? I work full time and don't feel as if I could just come home and then Bob off to the gym, the DCs have after school activities and tbh once they're all in bed I either have to get on with my paperwork or just collapse in to bed/do housework

How do you all fit in exercise in a busy week and how often would I need to commit to doing it to notice an improvement (in my dough belly)?

My Pilates teacher would tell you to have several one-to-one classes (about £40 each) to learn the basic moves, and if you can't join a small group, to get a copy of The Pilates Bible which has very good photography of the exercises being done correctly. Then practice at home twice weekly and have a private session once a month to move on. You do need teaching properly though. It looks simple and straightforward, but is not, and there is scope to get it badly wrong.

Equipment is minimal though: a mat, a band and a folded towel is all you need to start. A full-length mirror that you can check your posture in is a big help too. No shoes, any old loose soft clothing.

There are also demos on YouTube to watch, but you need to know how and where you should be feeling the work you are doing. My teacher is planning on doing a video series but not sure how she's getting on with it. It is a great form of exercise, but not much cardio is involved, so you might want to fit in some brisk walking for fat-burning.

I use a Pilates app on my phone, also have yoga one and you can tailor the workouts from 5 min to 60 min. There are short videos showing proper postures etc

I would like to thin live not had to choose - I'm the same height as you and 9st 5lbs but definitely a size 10, not 8. I exercise - running, spinning weights yoga and Pilates. I mix it up but I don't do it for hours every day - I'm also pescatarian. I'm late 40s now but I've often been told I look early 30s by strangers - I think it's because I'm active. It's a real game changer - thinner and fatter friends of mine who don't exercise all look older. Some runners I know look pretty haggard but they have low BMIs - moderation all the way.

I've lost about 5 dress sizes since last summer and I definitely look like I'm melting when nude. Sigh. I'd rather have loose skin than be fat, so there it is. I'm 35 this year and have five dc. Looking young would be a pointless concern, I think. Looking good for my age and circumstances? Yes, I'm hoping to go for that.

I have a very young face, (at my 50th party most of my more recent friends thought it was my 40th) and I'm not grey yet, but the dough has crept on, middle age, late babies, and a thyroid condition. I don't know if the young face is because of the podge, I suspect not, as my older brother looks really young and has hardly any grey either. I think the podge ages me more actually, but I'm mostly too knackered to bother addressing it! I'm your height, and was also an effortless size 6/8 until after my second baby at 43. Now I'm a 12, and I creep towards a 14 at my fattest, my weight is up and down because of my thyroid mainly. Sometimes I go down to a 10, but I haven't been an 8 for 8 years. ... I think probably the least aging option is enough sub-cutaneous fat to fill the face a little, but not so much that one gets really tubby. A hard balancing act!

"It's a real game changer - thinner and fatter friends of mine who don't exercise all look older."

Some people think I look younger, but I don't exercise. I don't have kids so it might be that .

I think it's misosgynist crap.

I'm thin and from my face people think I'm 10 years younger than I am, but ironically I've been ill for 25 years.

I went to get my passport renewed recently and the woman at desk said:
'you cannot be 44 years old what's your secret?'

I replied '25 years of illness, stress and heartbreak'

Personally, I think your face only starts to look haggard (natural ageing/knackeredness aside) if you go below a weight thats healthy for you. If you're naturally slim-ish, putting on a stone isn't going to make you look younger...and if you're a bit over your optimum weight right now, losing 10 lbs won't affect your face aversely, I dont think.

I'm late 30s and have noticed that I look fine at anything over 11 stone (about a size 12 for me as I'm 6ft tall). If I dip below that (which at the moment I have - I'm 10st 7 lbs as have been stressed out and not eating well), my face starts to get a hollow look.

It's the overall effect that matters I think, not figure vs face.

If I had to choose I would say figure. I have always been very slim but am changing shape as I age eg becoming thick waisted and I have to be careful how I dress so as not to look frumpy.

I agree with a pp who said that slim people move differently. The way you walk when you carry weight as you get older can be ageing.

I don't think you can win. I'm 45 and definitely showing wrinkles here, more than friends and colleagues of a similar age. Having said that, if I talk to people who don't know my age about how I feel, they seem genuinely shocked I'm 45, saying they really thought I was in my mid 30's, one even thought 32 recently, so they're either being nice or it's me judging myself too much.

Figure wise, waist expanded a little after DC, but I still weigh the same and my shape and tone are still as good as someone in their 20's!

OP, exercise doesn't have to be anything strenuous but good for our health and keeping subtle as we grow older, so all of us should be doing something. Walking, swimming or cycling is something you could do on your own or with DCs if only for 20 mins. You could try incorporating a few toning exercises into your routine, ie chest presses, tummy toning, squats. You haven't got to do loads and can just fit them with when you're waiting for someone to come out of bathroom, pan to start simmering - I've been doing some and the sides of my waist do feel more toned.

Oh dear, if the feminist forum could see this convo...

Why bring that up Geordie? How can you conclude from a perfectly neutral thread about weight, health and exercise, that posters are not feminists?

I am a feminist, and have been since my early teens in the 1960s, but this is style and beauty. If I want feminazi chippiness political posturing, I'm sure it's available !

The amount of thought going into this issue is baffling. Would men be having this convo in as much depth?

Just makes me sad, is all :( Particularly as aging is a natural part of life and with it, metabolism slowing.

I would agree that it's gone on a bit, and concede some responsibility. But how often have you heard men (generally those whose playing days are long done) going on about sports?!!

And a sensible exercise regime definitely slows the ageing process, geeing up the metabolism. There have been some fascinating studies done on older people (70+) and the health benefits, even improvements, to be achieved.

explain to me in simple terms why it's misogynistic to be concerned with losing ones looks?

Are you assuming that I value my face and figure for what favourable appraisal they can garner from the opposite sex?

If so, I feel inordinately sorry for you, if not then what exactly is your point?

My point is that men would not be having this conversation in as much depth with as much personal investment. Patriarchal beauty standards coerce women to value their looks more than men value theirs, freeing men to distribute their efforts elsewhere.

I care about my looks, but the level of preoccupation shown on this thread has made me melancholy, and I'm entitled to feel that.

Part of me can see where Geordie is coming from. I'm a feminist, pushing 60 who loves clothes and there are times when I find Style and Beauty a very uncomfortable place. I've locked horns with other posters a number of times.

However I wouldn't have singled out this thread. I think watching your face and body change is a strange experience. Even if you're completely free of vanity (and I am not), it still makes you think about age and mortality. Plus a lot of the discussion here has been about eating well and keeping fit as much as anything else.

I also don't see why a topic should be deemed less valuable just because it's (typically) of less interest to men.

The op is only 32!!!!!!
How did this become a converstation about getting old? How did 'menopause' and 'losing your looks' enter into the conversation?
Have this conversation in 20 years time. There might be something to talk about then. For the moment its a few pounds gained over Christmas that aren't shedding all by themselves.

But your face and body do begin to change in your 30s - especially after having four children.

I think part of the problem is that young people are fed this lie that aging won't happen till they're at least 50. If you look in the media, there's little visible difference between the face of an 18 year old and a 30 year old, but there is in real life.

I may be knocking on for 30 years older than the op but I still have a lot of sympathy for young women who hit their 30s and get an almighty shock.