Crepe Oddity

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Sorry.

Wow, Dreamqueen, that is fascinating.

Sorry to kick furniture childishly. I've just had 52 years of being told my mother is amazing, beautiful, wonderful etc etc and the very obvious amazement that such a vision could have spawned a lumpish being such as me. It is a little wearing.

ooh Molly good idea - I'll go and have a look.

And it is particularly wearing when (a) admittedly for a number of understandable reasons she did a pretty crap mothering job (b) I in my lumpishness have been landed with being the person who actually finds out about her disease because she has resolutely refused to do so herself (c) she does this thing of alleging how proud she is of me when I am perfectly aware that this is about her and how she wants people to think of her: in reality only thing that would make her proud is if I lost two stone and got an academic job.

And I am also cross because she's g

...going to go and die on me so she won't be there for me t

Ahem

I am also cross because she is going to go and die on me so she won't be there for me to be enraged about and it will be a MESS.

Yes, I was thinking about anger as part of grief. I just went to a talk given by Jeremy Gavron re his book on his mum:

www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Edge-Time-search-mother/dp/1925228096/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1454535650&sr=8-1&keywords=gavron

Ach, MI, cease and desist from doing yourself down. You're not any of those negative things you say you are and you're doing a damn fine job in difficult circs at the moment.

All of the crepeys with ailing and fading aged parents are much in my thoughts at the moment.

Lalsy, I will just answer your query about dd by saying that I started my birthday "celebrations" at 2.30am on Sunday morning with a hysterical and garbled phone call from dd. She had said she was at a friend's house and would be home by midnight. Instead, it turned out she had been clubbing with friends in Weymouth, had got carded at the last establishment and found to be under-age and had run off and fallen over off her gigantic shoes, got separated from her friends and had a massive meltdown. And I had to go and scrape a bruised, bloodied, barely clothed and extremely drunk girl off the pavement on Weymouth seafront at 3am - which is not a nice place at that time of the morning. I've had better birthdays.

Last week was generally not a good one for dd.

I am generally saying nuffink online about my new work, as it would be unwise, particularly in this forum. I am bursting to comment, but...
Anyway, I am still working 2 jobs at the moment and everything is a bit fraught. Plus I had to take ds for his Camhs assessment last Mon. He is deemed to be highly emotionally articulate, well-balanced etc but would benefit from having a space to talk about how dd's behaviour is affecting him (he was very upset by her bruises etc on Sunday). Nice to have some confirmation that at least my parenting isn't completely shite.

Off to bed. Knackered.

Stropps said it before say it again - you is fab....... And the spare bed awaits

{{ }}. Please PM if necessary

MI. I had a really terrible childhood. My Mum managed to leave my sister with her parents abroad when she was 6 months old!!! Then my Nan brought my brother and myself up in another country. The only one she has brought up is my youngest brother and now I get mind she has been a really good mother. I realise that this is my situation but that's a vets skewed outlook.

Oh Stropps

In the continuing saga of bonkers aunties, I've just had DP on the phone (on his way back from hippy T'ai Chi). My mum's escalatorphobic sister left a message on his mobile (no idea how she got it) saying my mum isn't answering her phone again.

DP full of more helpful advice on how to channel communication but what can I do when this woman just panics?

FFS. Ignore her MI.

MI - my DM has been dead some 20+ years. Before she died I came to the happy realisation that I loved her very much but liked her very little.

And I made my own, my very own, peace with that thought.

With you, MI. I've had a lifetime of people going on about what a lovely (indeed, saintly) person my DM is. Most recently the palliative care nurse.

Stropps, it's such a tribute to your parenting that your DD calls you when she's in a scrape like that

Shame about the birthday, though. Glad DS is getting help. Looking forward to news of job, preferably in person :)

It so is, Auriga. You are a rock, Stropps, and your dd knows it. Can you get the hell out at half term, even if just for a day? Look after yourself.

MI, ignore, ignore. (or tell them calls won't be returned and then ignore). Honestly, it is too much, you need to be able to stagger on through.

In other news I have finished my latest novel draft, as an editor friend-of-a-friend wants a look at it (he's had the first 100 pages). This is very cheering. And dinner was delicious

Here after a bonkers day on Tuesday - first the Hospital said she's staying, we won't insert a PEG just yet, we'll work on the feeding. Then the surgeon said to ddad we are discharging her to your care on Friday.... (peel dad off ceiling).... they had a big meet yesterday with some head honcho and his acolytes who said she is going no-where just yet and when she does it is into a nursing home as there is no way she can be cared for at home no matter what the circs might be.

I guess this is the beginning of the end, and whilst we had got to that decision on Saturday I think having people in the know say this is how it has to be will make it a lot easier on my ddad.

Stropps would really like to see you soon (actually I'd like to see all the crepeys soon!)

Stropps I echo what has been said about it being great that DD does call you when in need...although a bit about it affecting your birthday like that....

Others will never see our mothers as we see them. Most offspring of all ages are probably thinking, "You don't know her like I do...", when well meaning friends/friends of parents wax lyrical about how wonderful they are.

Yay MI that sounds exciting.

ConS and I have had one of our rows. We are Not Talking. I am getting a bad headache.

X past BD and hugs to you xx

Another echo for what a great parent you are Stropps. And it seems to me that your DD knows that, even if she won't admit it. It was you she called when it all went wrong.

BD - sending love. Take care of yourself through all of this.

MI - great news re the novel.

BD, are you here this weekend? Can we be of any use?

Hurrah, MI! Good on you.

My relationship with my mother is ...complicated, with much murky water under the bridge that we brightly ignore.

BD, yes, about people agreeing.

Another wasted hour trying to get through to non-existent numbers and leaving messages on voicemails about the community OT. GP's administrator tells me, after giving me two wrong numbers, that she doesn't have time to follow it up. Where does she think I am finding the time?

Meanwhile, stair lift does not work on either of the remotes. Three calls to the engineer, who speaks to me as though I have a severe learning disability and makes me go through the switching-it-off-and-on-again routine all three times before reluctantly agreeing to send an engineer.

Deadlines are galloping ever closer and I am not making progress

That sounds truly maddening, Auriga.

Way to go, MI....you'll be scooping up your own literary awards soon, I'll bet my hat on it. [Don't mean to put pressure on, though. Awards, meh.]

BD, so difficult for you. And Rose, hope your headache improves.