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Original poster

Crepe Oddity

1000 replies

MrsSchadenfreude · 17/01/2016 19:59

Sorry.

OP posts:

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bigTillyMint · 31/01/2016 15:50

Well that could be true, MM. She stopped coming down to visit regularly about 6 years ago - after her stroke, si we didn't see her very often at all because of distance/DCs sports comittments, etc. It's only in the last 9 months that I've been going up so often. She would know none here but us and I guess it would really only me that would visit.

magimedi · 31/01/2016 16:17

Has she got a wide circle of friends where she is? Would they visit?

I am sad to say that as my mum's dementure got worse many of her friends (some of them lifelong, nearly) found it all too hard to cope with & their visits tailed off. Two or three of them did carry on visiting, so she always had a couple of visits a week.

But the staff were so nice & good that I am certain she didn't miss the friends. And, sadly, after a while she didn't recognise them at all.

If she did come to a home near you, how near would it be? If it were London, say, but north when you ;live south it would still be a major effort to visit. If the home were within walking distance of your home how often do you think you would/could visit? And would want to visit?

I hope those don't sound like awful questions, but I think you should ask them of yourself before you engaged in a move. And she would have to start again with new GP etc etc.

Poor you - it's so bloody tough & soul destroying.

NUFC69 · 31/01/2016 16:39

BTM, DH's aunt lived in Gateshead for many years, with a huge circle of friends (she played bridge and golf, went to church). Her DS and family live in the Midlands and came up about twice a year. We saw her fairly frequently and, in fact, when she fractured her hip, she came and stayed with us until she was fit to go home. But ... She aged, of course, and her friends died. When she told us that her DS had suggested she went into a retirement complex about a mile from them DH and I were a bit as we felt they hadn't bothered much before and we weren't sure how often they would visit. In fact it worked out very well as there was company in the complex, she was looked after and her DS and family visited often. I think there are pluses and minuses in both scenarios, but whatever it has to work for you, too.

bigTillyMint · 31/01/2016 17:07

There are some people who would visit, but I guess the same thing might happen to her. But she would be in a home with others plus carers, so way better than being frightened and lonely in her own home.
I have a colleague whose DM was in a home for a while recently, and there wasn't that much choice compared to where my DM lives (masses of old people, therefore masses of homes), and certainly not in walking distance. I am not sure how often I would visit. Almost certainly not more than once a week. I am pretty sure I would prefer for her to stay where she is - we will have to sort out her house for the foreseeable anyway, so will have to travel up to do that. And given that she is a Hyacinthe Bouquet-type, the kind of people likely to be in the homes up there are more likely to be people she would want to engage with, IYSWIM.

Blackduck · 31/01/2016 17:08

CV he saw her at Christmas. If I could guarantee she'd be with it I might think about it, but she doesn't always recognise people - particular the grandchildren.

bigTillyMint · 31/01/2016 17:11

And thanks - keep throwing out your thoughts/advice - it's all helpful!

bigTillyMint · 31/01/2016 17:21

BD, I remember being taken to see my Grandad when I was about 8? and he had dementia and was in a Care Home. He didn't have a clue who I was but kept calling my DM by her mums name. I don't think I was frightened or upset, but I do remember it all quite clearly

Rosebag · 31/01/2016 17:21

Oh crem that does sound lovely .

Supportive vibes to BD and tilly re care homes. I think the decision to go ahead is probably the most difficult hurdle. Finding one is a matter of time and suitability. Have to admit I was also wondering, tilly 'if DM would be better nearer to you but it's pros and cons, isn't it. Unfamiliar environments do tend to increase confusion, don't they. I'll link the parent group of the home DDad went in to. I can't recommend them highly enough.

Looking forward to seeing a pic of MIs hairdo...and that skirt looks lovely! On a very minor style and beauty note, I am relieved that Sainsbos have brought back their converse rip offs, as I live in them and my black ones have a split in the sole and my blue ones succumbed to doggy do. Have bought new pairs of each.

The weekend started well with a really lively night out at a jazz evening with dinner at the theatre, eight of us. Then things rapidly deteriorated yesterday with the worst homework screaming from me and DD EVER. It went on until about two o'clock today and I am utterly wrecked. Wrecked, I say. Still, art coursework is now complete for tomorrow's deadline. And when did we find out about said deadline? Friday. Yes.

I have an insane craving for a cigarette. I haven't touched one for over 30 years. but will have to be satisfied with the emotional lift of Call the Midwife later on. I have also eaten cake.

Rosebag · 31/01/2016 17:26

Barchester group homes

motherinferior · 31/01/2016 17:26

Hurrah, DP and the Inferiorettes had a nice time at my parents'. My conscience is salved.

Though there was another visitors who now also has my email....

Original poster

MrsSchadenfreude · 31/01/2016 17:29

Tired and not looking forward to work tomorrow. My beauty staples now seem to be Root Touch Up and my facial epilator.

OP posts:

motherinferior · 31/01/2016 17:30

And I'm glad you all like the skirt! It needs slight alteration - it's a little loose and I want it knee length - but then will look fab with a chunky jumper or fitted black T-shirt.

bigTillyMint · 31/01/2016 17:47

Thanks Rose, I have requested a brochure for one of them! Care homes also look to be about £200 a week cheaper where she lives than down here which would mean her money would last longer too.

MI glad their visit went well.

Cremo · 31/01/2016 18:05

Yay to lovely visit to DM MI. That's great that they had some quality time with grandmere.

BTM, a very hard decision for you to make. When my grand mother finally went into a home at 90, it was in her locale. There were other ladies there she half knew, and we all drove down to see her on a strict timetable. My dmum went once a week and took her out for lunch. I did the same when I could, about once a month. She had a right jolly old time despite lack of recognition of all of us at one time or another.I know my dmum struggled with location too, but ultimately decided to go with what she thought her mother would want. I wish you all strength for the decision.

-making pictures after lunch.

hattymattie · 31/01/2016 18:41

Drat Crem - 11th is a work day (I do two days a week). Also I'm getting my bottom teeth braced for 6 months the day before so I suspect I'm going to look like Hannibal Lecter. When I do finally meet you all I hope to look vaguely human. Your holiday sounds fabulous, keep up the reports.

I'm so glad the visit went well MI.

BTM we bought my gran down to a local care home. By this time most of her friends had died plus her dementia was so advanced she wouldn't have recognised them anyway. It allowed my mother to visit daily and also peace of mind that she was well cared for.

Collymollypuff · 31/01/2016 19:45

I'm here, MrsS and Lalsy, thank you for asking. Bit sad, bit busy. But looking forward to Crem's visit in March and as predicted, dd is too, because of the goat connection. The way to dd's heart is via a goat.

Glad to hear about progress re your mum, BTM. It can be a shock to an old person to have a radical move, so there is sense in her staying near where she is.

Sorry to hear of ongoing stress and distress with other mums.

Lalsy · 31/01/2016 20:02

BTM, it is a difficult decision, and it sounds like you are being honest with yourself about what you want as well. I think this is important - it must feel right for you, your family and your relationship with your dm, as well as providing for her.

BD, I think you are right, FWIW. My dgm used to mistake my dsis for her own dd, who had died in an accident when young. It is one of the few things about our dgm we both remember clearly.

Crem, sterling effort, don't slacken off please.

Lalsy · 31/01/2016 20:02

Hello Molly , sorry you are sad.x

Blackduck · 31/01/2016 20:11

Molly {{ }}

Original poster

MrsSchadenfreude · 31/01/2016 20:23

Oh FFS. My mother had a mole removed urgently before Christmas, as the doctor said it was "almost certainly" cancer - she went in and had it removed the next day. She's still not had the results from the hospital and now another, bigger one has come up next to it. She called the clinic at the hospital, who told her they couldn't tell her anything re the results, and if she had a new one, she had to make an appointment with her own GP, who would refer her to the hospital. So she has finally got an appointment with her GP, but it's a phone consultation, not one in person. She "may have to make another appointment to see him in person after he has spoken to her." Hopefully, if he has any sense, he will just refer her straight back to her consultant at the hospital.

Molly, can we cheer you up at all? I won't volunteer myself for this as am not in a particularly sunny mood right now.

OP posts:

hattymattie · 31/01/2016 20:31

Mrs S that sounds disgraceful - can she go to A&E? - another bigger mole sounds really bad. The results are surely through but sitting in an administrative pile. Agree the GP should refer her straight back as a priority case if he's any sense.

Molly - hope you feel happier soon.

motherinferior · 31/01/2016 21:10

MrsS, do you have the consultant's name? If so - and even if not - we can work out the email address and email them directly. I do this with my mum's consultants. (They don't mind, in fact I think they are slightly frightened of me quite appreciate it.) let's sort it out tomorrow.

GiddyGiddyGoat · 31/01/2016 21:12

Hi everyone.
Have been following all the goings on but have been uncharacteristically quiet due to suffering hideous migraine. It's a terrible menopausal thing for me I think, as I never used to get them at all and now seem to have them all too often and they are getting worse. The actual headache etc doesn't last for that long but I feel completely wiped out for ages afterwards. Grim.

Collymollypuff · 31/01/2016 21:32

Oh, that's bizarre, GGG - I was going to explain that the sadness is in large part due to general migrainey-ness caused by these storms. Then when I feel under the weather (literally) my mind ruminates on Bad Things which are going to happen, like me being left with an empty nest when dd goes to uni next autumn, sob. But the migraine wreaks havoc with my stomach and means I sleep really badly. So if Crepeys could just chase the storms away, I'd be most grateful. I know you can do it.

MrsS, really sorry to hear that. MI's suggestion sounds brilliant.

motherinferior · 31/01/2016 21:34

I am still very, very tired. I assume this - and the associated bad sleeping - is all par for the sodding course.

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