Help me sort DDs curls

[yakari]

So I have poker straight hair but my lucky DD (age 7) has thick wavy hair which is particularly curly in the nape. She currently has it just below the shoulders so a decent length to tie back for school/gym etc.

But a) if I brush it she screams blue murder even with some spray and a tangle teaser thing and b) if I can brush it, it just goes fuzzy then springs back into curls underneath

I read some times about curly hair to not brush it but to just pull fingers through with some product (what product - I have no idea?!?).

So those of you blessed with wavy/curly hair help me and frankly her - how best to look after it?

I'm curly too and have 2 curly daughters.

I'll go through our hair routine from the beginning for you, but there are so many types of curly hair that it's often a matter of experimenting until you find what's right for you.

We don't use shampoo at all but wash with conditioner (co-washing...have a Google) we use sainsburys brand coconut conditioner mostly. We then apply lots of conditioner all over the hair (tresseme naturals or Boots Yes to Blueberries) and either finger comb or use a wide tooth comb to get tangles out. Definitely no hair brushing on dry hair. Then we don't rinse all of the conditioner out (curly hair needs lots of moisture)

If she wakes up in the morning with frizzy hair apply some neat conditioner and take it through with your fingers to reset the curls. It also helps to sleep with the hair in a high ponytail or invest in a satin pillowcase.

The important thing is to use conditioner that doesn't have sulfates or cones which dry the hair. I recommend googling the curly girl method. There are also Facebook groups which have lots of good tips.

I also meant to say if you use a hairdryer do it with a diffuser and use a high heat but low speed.

Don't ever brush curly hair.

Shampoo, then comb with a good adult conditioner. Squeeze with towel to dry a bit, apply a small amount of conditioner, bouncing and forming curls as you go, then leave it to dry.

If you need to dry, follow what Jenny said.

Sorry that wasn't clear. Comb with conditioner when in the bath, then rinse. Squeeze water out (don't rub) once out of the bath.

Don't ever comb curly hair when dry. Just wet it a bit to allow curls to form again.

Ok so I'll start by ditching shampoo and using conditioner, then use fingers (and find a wide tooth comb - my thin one or tangle teaser has probably been like some form of torture )
And a satin pillow case is the perfect Christmas gift for my little souther belle ! She'll love it. Thank you so much for the tips

Thanks as well Côte d'Azur - dry combing needs to end - see I knew I should have asked MN earlier

Tangle teaser is great. DD uses it on her hair but in the bath, when wet, and with a palmful of my conditioner.

I know some say to forget about shampoo and just use conditioner but that didn't work on my & DD's hair. We shampoo, use conditioner and comb at that point, then rinse. Don't forget to apply a little bit of conditioner to form curls & tame rebel hair before leaving to dry.

I wish my mum had been able to post here for advice when I was little. I still clearly remember the pain of having my hair dry-brushed- I used to cry every time!

What the other women have said about co-washing and leave-in conditioner. I don't brush or comb mine at all but it is fine: thicker hair will need the conditioner combing through. I would recommend Aussie Miracle Hair Insurance for in-between washes.

It might be worth following a natural hair blog like NaturallyCurly.com for ideas and advice. There are so many different types of curly hair annd they all need different treatment.

Tangle teasers are good but I've discovered this wet brush which is better I think. Much gentler.

I do Curly Girl and use a SLS free shampoo. I tried co wash but it didn't work for me my hair never felt clean.

I haven't tried conditioner only. For my DD's hair I use L'Oreal Ever Riche no sulphates nourishing shampoo and a tangle teaser.

The really important thing is to use a conditioner that does not contain silicones (also referred to as cones). This is because cones are not water soluble so if you co-wash, the cones won't be removed from your hair everytime you wash and you'll get a horrible build up. The only way to removed cones is with a shampoo containing sulphates and you absolutely shouldn't be using one of these on curly hair either.
So to do the curly girl method you first need to get the cones that one assumes you already have on your hair (as most conditioners contain them) off your hair by using a shampoo that does contain sulphates. Then you can start the curly girl method by either just co-washing with a cone free conditioner or using a shampoo that is sulphate free. This is the way to hair that has defined curls that are hydrated.

"use a conditioner that does not contain silicones (also referred to as cones). This is because cones are not water soluble so if you co-wash, the cones won't be removed from your hair everytime you wash and you'll get a horrible build up."

This is a complete misunderstanding.

Silicones are not water soluble but we don't wash with just water. They are soluble in soap and shampoo. Try rubbing some in your hands and then washing your hands with soap to see how there is no build-up.

I use conditioner with silicone. It helps untangle my very long, thick, and curly mane. I also use a serum with silicone on tips to calm flyaway hair. There is no build-up in my hair whatsoever and it is squeaky clean after each wash.

Ah I see that you meant no silicones in conditioner if you won't use shampoo.

I use this (see pic) on its own, it's really moisturising. I massage it in to scalp then comb through with fingers before rinsing
Product wise I use a hair oil and a product that's a gel/cream mix but they're both pricey!
The product gets scrunched in when my hair is wet and then I leave it alone to dry

Thank you all so much. I think we'll have to do a bit of trial and error but some common themes here which I suspect will help a lot. Us straight fine hair folk have no idea...

Google plopping

I wash and condition and add Boots own brand curly mousse. In a bright pink can.

It to do with curly hair styling.

We prefer Tangle Tamer to tangle teaser but I think my girls have tighter curls. I do brush hair through with conditioner or treatment on it. Otherwise we would be looking at dreadlocks. Little by little, with tangle tamer. 8yo can do her own and 4yo coming along slowly

So I wanted to come back and say thank you to everyone - we seem to have cracked it, well at least made it less of a torture!

Just in case any one else finds the thread with the same problem - what's working for us is shampoo on the scalp, piles of adult conditioner for dry hair on the length. So sort of a home made "two in on"! Leave it in for a few minutes then comb through and rinse, then comb through again. This combing takes minutes and seems to cause absolutely no problem.
I got her one of those turbans for drying hair which she loves and wears while we read etc so her hair is pretty much dry before bed which has also made a big difference. In the morning I comb through with my fingers and tie it back in a high but messy ponytail - no more morning brushing the dry hair. So far so good, her hair is looking lovely (I'm so envious!) and fewer tangles, and much much less tears.

and to you all for help