Mission Crepe: no surrender

[Collymollypuff]

Here ya go...

Personally I think that outfit sounds splendid, Beachy.

Oh and my parents' lovely GP says they did source a Macmillan nurse (the palliative care unit has them, though not the hospital), who visited my parents...and was sent away.

They're the gift that just keeps giving, in it.

Oh MI :( :(
I really don't know what to say.

Oh MI - this attitude reminds me of my own parents - I think that generation believes they should soldier on and that to accept help is a sign of weakness. Also, I think they have been brought up to "not bother people". On the one hand these are noble attributes, on the other, very difficult for close family who pick up the burden (and the guilt).

I think you're right Hatty. Just been to th appointment with the Dementia nurse and DM seemed to visibly brighten when the nurse said the days of doctors telling you what to do are gone and that it's you who says what you want.

Spot on, Hatty. We had no help at all with my DM all those years ago, and I do remember when D Dad came to stay here and wasn't well, that the district nurse when she came couldn't believe that he didn't get any help at home either. Such a postcode lottery, I think. I wonder if there is guilt there from some of the elderly, too - not wanting to trouble anyone? I dread getting old, tbh.

MI, dreadful that DP turned down help from MacMillan.

Awful news from Mali, when I came back from swimming. Where is it all going to end?

BTM, can you take DM out for afternoon tea? I know what she means about "stuff", we prefer things to do things now, but difficult when she is not so good and a long way away.

NU, it is tempting not to check the news...but maybe that will leave only the wrong people being well informed? It is quite dreadful.

BTM, what a fab thing for the nurse to say. MI, it is extraordinary. Those attitudes so often makes the lives of others harder, not easier....you will never change them, please use us to vent....

Boots - I have grandmother boots (thermal, waterproof, have to be hidden under jeans) and find ones that look nice, uncomfortable (thin soles, no moulding). I am the princess with her pea when it comes to footwear. The skirt is bog standard white company below knee type thing - i just never wear them.

Mine's like this too, not wanting to bother anyone, and with a healthy dollop of denial and a soupçon of martyrdom thrown in to the mix. She's definitely not what she was. She's driven to our house many many times, but last time got lost as she set off from home in a totally different direction. Sis and I bought her a satnav for Christmas last year, but it's still in the box in the car. Project for Christmas, I think, setting it up for her.

So sorry about your news MI. It just seems relentless at the moment, doesn't it.

Oh in my case, as DSis points out, it's more likely that they found her a Bit Common.

Lalsy, I am totally with you re footwear. I'm currently coveting some chunky loafers in Clarks, which would solve all skirt-wearing crises. They have lovely comfy innards, and look smart yet interesting.

Silver loafers - other colours available

More sensible but perhaps not as comfy

MI and BTM So harsh. I find it all very very sad. I think, knowing the truth MI will help you prepare, yourself and family for the worst. I am at the opposite end and would not want to know anything. Just pain relief. I really do not want to be old in this country. I want to pass on in deck chair with a view of the sea.

You are all so right about the unwillingness of dps to accept help. When ddad was gravely ill last year, dmum banished all offers of help ( meaning she had to change nappies herself) despite it being freely available and provided by a professional. Ddad suffered the indignities then, because dmum was too posh to have a "stranger" in her house. Dsis and I were also 'banned' form helping, which we did anyway due our concerns about poor mums state of mind.

This weekend is mostly work work work. Haven't seen colleague I had my little run in with earlier this week.
Heard from another colleague, that she's been driving everyone up the walls too. And, she leaving fgs, so why, just why is she so arsey about how things are done?
Sigh.
I'm g the calendar is spanking! Thanks Gonegrey. Do stick around!!

Lalsy I think a long boot with a mid length skirt is perfectly acceptable,as is flat pumps ( get the supported kind from m&s or Clarkes ) or a Mary Jane style thing. Also a lace up brogue would be fine, with coloured tights. Ankle boots look strange unless they have a heel.imho

for Princess Feet
dainty pointy toes
colourful

295 smackeroos for some Clarks brogues - the End Times are upon us

My dm turned down all external help when my df got to the palliative care stage, apart from letting them provide a bed and various "aids". So she got herself into massive states (through stress and exhaustion) and ended up demanding that I drive 40 mins cross-country (with baby ds and usually when I was also in the middle of a translation job) to sit with df so she could pop to the shops. Her then-neighbour was actually a former nurse, who would have been perfectly happy to sit with him for an hour, but no, it couldn't be anyone outside the family. Dm was stupidly and even dangerously stubborn about everything at that time. She got so frustrated with df and the situation that db and I got to worrying that she was going to do some harm to df in a fit of rage. It took her several years to get over the guilt about some of the stuff she did/said during that period.

Oooh lovely, thank you my princessy friends!

With my df, my dsis and I grabbed all help offered. People would sometimes think we wouldn't want to leave his side - they were so wrong and tactless. I felt, and feel, no guilt for preserving my sanity, and ability to care for him, and really feel for those of you with dps who cannot see the sense in this.

MI, that I think is exactly the problem DM has with her carers - as she was complaining to the manager earlier! Part of the problem is that she can't see that she needs any help and is very resistant. But it's worse if the girls aren't posh/clever enough

Herbs, it is pretty likely that the satnav is too techno for her. DM gave up on using her laptop ages ago because of this.

I hope I am not like this when I get old - I sincerely hope not.

She's pretty whizzy with IT, using her computer every day, buying stuff on eBay, etc, but I think she's a bit scared of the satnav. We chose the simplest one, but still...

Ah well maybe she will be ok if you set it up for her and have a practise with her?

Sad that the DPs sometimes only see external features: my NDN is still frequently in touch with one of her DDad's careers, even though her DF died a couple of years ago and yet the two of them come from entirely different worlds.

Lalsy, I'm a trouser wearer, too, and footwear is a huge problem for me - trainers are my default. I have boxes of shoes which I have bought and never worn. I did like the pewter brogues.

Just looking in quickly before the school run - sorry to hear of more parental woes. It is so difficult being our age with parents and children to worry about, isn't it?

Have heard from Rose - she is reading but won't be posting until initial week of mourning is over next week. She sends love to us all and says that she has been immensely cheered by the crepey good wishes on here and texts. The last few days have been taken up with visitors, many of whom are the great and good, so whilst it has been lovely to see them, she has found it quite draining. However, yesterday she got to hook up with an old school friend, which was very comforting.

I am going to carve out an hour over the weekend to catch up properly. Tonight, however, I am off to Deptford to see DD1 in the Shakespeare for Schools Festival. I have no idea how to get there, as I don't think there is parking. It could take some time. Wish me luck

Hello Rose

Good luck Monty.

I'm another trouser wearer. I cant do skirts but have a couple of dresses. I will now be in boots till about April.
I love boots, sandles and low converse and have hardly any posh shoes.

Had a lovely lunch in Paris catching up with two friends, have sourced my peanut butter and am now going to read for an hour before DS gets back.

Just had a lovely hour at DGS1's school where it was the Christmas Fair. I know I am up there a couple of days a week dropping and picking up, but I haven't actually been inside since DD left 27 years ago. What memories it brought back: the DCs' first classrooms, where I used to run the Book Club on a Friday afternoon - I became quite nostalgic.

MI - so sorry to hear that about your Mum.

I have been home about 15 minutes and DD2 has already asked what is for dinner. I have not been to bed before 3.00 am all week and have been living on cocktails. The bar helpfully did 2 for 1 after midnight, and it would have seemed churlish not to take advantage of this kind offer. It also seemed to cure the jet lag quite well. The work stuff went fine - not a stellar performance from me, but fine. And it would not have been any better with more sleep and less gin, no.

Had an electric toilet in my bathroom. The front cleansing jets had the potential to be quite exciting, the rear ones practically gave you an enema, and would have, I think, been a little painful if one had piles. Not, of course, that one has, but if one had, the potential for pain was there.

TGI Friday. I arrived home from work at 4pm and immediately took up residence on the sofa, from where I've been catching up on TV I've missed over the last few days. Is anyone else watching The Great Pottery Throwdown? I'm loving it; it gives me the chance to relive (vicariously, at least) my arty past.

DM is coming over tomorrow as we haven't seen her for a while. No doubt we'll be treated to a slideshow of her India photos, and she'll be critiquing the state of the garden. But I realise from this thread how lucky I am that she is still in the prime of life.

This school stabbing in Dulwich....not your DCs' school, is it BTM?

MrsS - where were you?