I have neglected myself for 17 years!! Help me repair the damage!

[bobblypop]

I am 42. I am 5 stone overweight, and generally have totally neglected myself for about 17 years! I have 6 DC aged 17,15,13,11,9 and 7 and I work almost full time. My self esteem is currently at rock bottom and I want to do something about it.
Basically over the years I have totally neglected myself, my own needs and my appearance. 3 - 4 years ago lost 4 1/2 stone and was much healthier, but I have piled it back on since then. I am planning on tackling this and have already made some changes to what I eat.
However every other aspect of my appearance needs an overhaul too and I don't know where to start!!
I have no clue about clothes. Most of what I own currently is from Asda bought in my lunch hour when nipping in for milk or bread!I cant remember the last time I went clothes shopping for me - tbh the thought fills me with dread. I am going to loose weight but would like a few decent clothes to be going on with.
My beauty routine is non existent. Miraculously my skin has never been too bad and must thrive on neglect!
I have very few bits of makeup - most of it very old, and any decent stuff I bought last year (again in an attempt to improve things!) seem to have been stolen by dd1 vanished. I know nothing really about make up or where to start. At best I can mange a bit of face powder, mascara, eye shadow and blusher and lip gloss.
My hair is a disaster. It is just below shoulder length and wavy/curly ie dry and frizzy most of the time. I have coloured it home for about 20 years and imagine it would possibly be almost totally grey of left to its own devices.

I am going to try and do nicer things for myself on my days off (Monday - sometimes!) Money is tight, but not as bad as it was when I was a SAHM. I can afford a bit if I plan ahead and budget.

so someone...please tell me what to and where to start....I am fed up of looking hassled, dishevelled fat and frumpy and I would like to feel a little bit better about myself.

I'm just about to put this www.essie.com/colors/pinks/eternal-optimist.aspx on my finger nails. It's a lovely tea rose colour, neutral so easy to apply if you aren't an expert but still looks "done".

If you like an all over colour you don't have to ditch the diy dye job. A really good cut is essential though. Your hairdresser can certainly suggest shades that would suit you and that goes a long way when stood in a daze in the colour aisle at boots.
Agree with eyebrow threading, I always feel great after a sort out and it's cheap.
I like painting my toenails. I never wear sandals but just knowing my toenails are sorted I don't feel as grotty.
And I feel nice having one posh tube of shower gel.
Moroccan oil is amazing stuff for frizzy hair. I also use Aussie 3 minute miracle once a week.
Start up a skincare regime, if it's a good feature flaunt it.

I recommend Lisa Eldridge videos for how to put on make-up. Lots of different ones including for the more 'mature lady' not that I call 42 particularly mature. Good luck to you!!

There is a whole video just on brows, for instance (given your query about brows!)

Are you me? I could have written your post apart from the 6 DCs, I stuck at 2. I'm hopeless with make up but tried the Boots no7 foundation match thing. Found that really good, easy to apply with brush. I got alot of comments afterwards. I think just getting the right colour blend is hard but this helped.

Look at the models in the shops, that helps me to get different clothes combinations right. I only wear trousers coz i'm so ashamed of my fat legs and cankles.

cuntwagon I like that nail polish...that's the sort of thing I'm after
Moroccan oil sounds good, think I will give it a try. Am going to try to get my hair in as good a condition as possible before hair appointment
mayhem sounds like there are a few of us in a similar situation! I think finding a good foundation is one of my next tasks.

Firstly, well done you! I think it's great - and about time that you invested in yourself.

I think the most important bit will be to invest in your self esteem, the rest will follow suit. A good haircut, classic clothes with a few funky pieces like a statement necklace etc and a neutral make up with maybe a classic red lip works - in my opinion.

Head to a couple of stores and get some time with a personal shopper and similarly go to a make up counter (I love Bobbi Broeb) for a free makeover and purchase some key items.

But most importantly, invest in your self esteem, do something for you

Enjoy!!

Marking my place because I am exactly the same. Am planning a complete life revamp starting next week after a crazy year of non-stop work and lots of stress.

You can go similar colours in Shellac/gel nails if you wanted to just get tit done and not have to worry about it for a few weeks. Nudes and neutrals v trendy at present though so tons of them at all different prices in Boots etc.

Shellac is great. Very hard wearing and looks great for ages.

Lisa Eldridge -must look that up on YouTube. I'm crap with makeup.

Come on bobbly we needs to see the haircuts you rejected!

Morning all. You will be pleased to hear that this morning I have slapped on a bit of bb cream that I bought on a whim from adli a few months ago!! (Not really even sure what bb cream is or does? How is cc cream different??)
I think on Monday when I'm off work I will go for a browse in boots and get some decent foundation. I want something quite light and natural looking though....
Nails.... shellac sounds interesting, the trouble I normally have when I (rarely) put nail polish on is that it is chipped in about 24 hours.....maybe I should add getting my nails properly done to the list.....
Right, need to get many small people up and ready for school, will report back on hairstyles later!

I've talked about my weight loss on other threads.

I was in an abusive relationship and completely lost myself.

I was making excuses for my weight, mainly the Peri Menopause and how I looked.

I started to overhaul myself in December, I was determined to be Physically, a different person, by the end of this year. My GC was born and I wanted to be a "Hands on" Nan.

I've lost five stone, by using "My Fitness Pal" and adding daily exercise. I bought a step tracker and some days it's just walking.

After losing two stone, I joined a gym (this was on the advice of the Community Forum on MFP. You've got to be aware of the pressure of some types of exercise on your joints when you are carrying that much excess weight.

That's not an option for everyone, but you can buy a Home DVD, Kettle Bell etc.

Diet wise, I mainly "Clean Eat", limit White Carbs and Non natural Sugar. MFP works for me, because I like the occasional glass of Wine and Pizza etc.

I can't do rules, such as "No Carbs after Xpm" etc, I'm too busy/cold/hungry/being kind to myself etc.

I'm 47, I've accepted weight loss of a lb a week when I want something outside of Clean Eating.

I've changed my body shape, haven't got "middle aged tum" and I'm not looking to cover my arms.

More importantly, my fitness and energy levels are through the roof, I'm stronger than my adult DDs and my hair/Nails and Skin are miles better.

Sorry for the long post, but you can do this, if it's really something that you want, for you (and as a side effect, your family).

I'm going to take the plunge tomorrow and book an eyebrow overhaul! I'll be your Guinea pig and let you know how it goes!

Shellac doesn't chip. Trust me, I'm the worst person for smudging and chipping my nails!

What are your thoughts on feet?

birds thats a lovely inspiring post. Well done on all you have achieved.
learning - yes, feet! I keep meaning to get some of those footner things that I read about on here.....my feet need overhauling too. I do manage toe nail polish in the summer with sandals, but that is about it!

See that's my dilemma really. In the winter you don't really bother with feet as no one's really going to see them. But then they end up looking neglected. Is it very indulgent to have maintenence pedi's during the winter?
Cracked heels are my biggest bug bear.

Okay so we've just ordered a takeaway Indian and my big sacrifice was to get a grilled chicken thingy instead of a cream laden chicken tikka massala small steps I suppose...

oh learning indian sounds yummy! I am on my first fast day of 5:2 today. I had a banana at lunch time and have just had a small jacket potato, small portion of roast chicken and LOADS of salad and fizzy water!! Roll on tomorrow!

Ok, re hairstyles , I was thinking of maybe going for a shortish shaggy type of style but dd has vetoed that! (tbh she is right, my hair is better a bit longer)
have found [[http://www.midlengthhairstyles.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Medium-Length-Curly-Hairstyles-for-Teenager_.jpg this style]] that I quite like(ignoring the fact is listed as a style for teenagers - which she clearly isn't!) Like the colours too, thinking maybe highlights may be what I need....what do you all think?

Read The Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck. It's not a diet. It's a book on how to change your habits. It changed my life. You pick any reasonable food plan an you work through the book, a chapter a day. IMHO it's the only way to keep it off. Good luck OP. You sound lovely.

Wow birds, well done you! I use MFP too. I am doing really well with it. I'm not rigid about it but just use it as a guide. I too have a tracker. Hormones and stress play a big part in weight gain/inability to lose weight as us women age. Leisure walking is great for reducing stress. Weight training is key too. Get some dumbbells and do some stuff at home. Darebees.com is great for ideas. Nothing is off limits for me foodwise. I have learnt moderation and I have carbs before bed and I enjoy them lol. I feel better than I have in 14 years. I seem to have a spring in my step again and am able to just be a lot more positive about everything. It's not an overnight journey though; you have to be in it for the long haul.

Thanks pupsie. I will check out that book. I definitely need to work a lot on my attitude to eating.
Managed to forget to moisturiser my hands last night, only 2 days in..... Whoops! Going to do now!

So, a little update.
I have been bad at remembering hand cream at night.... must try harder!
I have however purchased and used micellar water and also clarifying shampoo and nice moisturising conditioner. I have managed small amounts of make up 3 days out of 4 this week!
On Monday I am going shopping for foundation and nail varnish.
I have also eaten better this week....
So some improvements that I just need to build on.

That hairstyle is a high maintenance style that has been achieved using straighteners to curl each section of the hair (unless you naturally have hair that falls into loose ringlets in which case ). I personally couldn't afford the 45+ minutes every day it would take to achieve it. Might be quicker for you given your natural curls but are your curls like that or are they tighter?

Guess where I am ....sitting in the hairdressers getting cut and colour done! I've just grilled the lovely lady about eyebrow tinting and waxing. She's talked me into it!

I love that hairstyle but agree with atticus that it's very high maintenance. Might put you off after a while and be very time consuming.

Is your hair naturally straight or curly?

-eyebrow threading
-hair cut - try and fight the hatred and go regularly (I am terrible at this)
-can still home dye if you like the colour
-intensive conditioning treatment on hair weekly - the conditioners that come with some home dyes can also be bought separately and are rather good for this (99p for nice n easy conditioner tube) and use shampoo that works on your hair
-if no time to style hair, (though drying using a brush or 'big hair' or diffuser thing usually leaves less frizz) try mousse after you've towel dried your hair and see if it makes your natural curls etc look 'done' - I found a great mousse for curls a few years ago and can't remember which one it was
-you don't need a fancy skin routine if it doesn't suit your schedule. I use a balm cleanser and then wipe it off with cloth every evening, nothing else.
-re make up, mascara + eyelash curlers, maybe try a tinted moisturiser to start with? I like the garnier blur ones
-completely get rid of clothes you can't honestly like

also, keep all these bits and pieces in the same place - eg a box in your bathroom so they are in sight
don't worry too much about hand cream.. start with little bits work upwards
beware foundations if not used to it, start with tinted moisturiser I think.

wow, go you learning how did it go?
re hair - I have naturally curly hair and my curls look pretty much like that naturally when left to air dry when my hair is in good condition. At the moment they are slightly more straggly as my hair is a bit battered and dry!