I have neglected myself for 17 years!! Help me repair the damage!

[bobblypop]

I am 42. I am 5 stone overweight, and generally have totally neglected myself for about 17 years! I have 6 DC aged 17,15,13,11,9 and 7 and I work almost full time. My self esteem is currently at rock bottom and I want to do something about it.
Basically over the years I have totally neglected myself, my own needs and my appearance. 3 - 4 years ago lost 4 1/2 stone and was much healthier, but I have piled it back on since then. I am planning on tackling this and have already made some changes to what I eat.
However every other aspect of my appearance needs an overhaul too and I don't know where to start!!
I have no clue about clothes. Most of what I own currently is from Asda bought in my lunch hour when nipping in for milk or bread!I cant remember the last time I went clothes shopping for me - tbh the thought fills me with dread. I am going to loose weight but would like a few decent clothes to be going on with.
My beauty routine is non existent. Miraculously my skin has never been too bad and must thrive on neglect!
I have very few bits of makeup - most of it very old, and any decent stuff I bought last year (again in an attempt to improve things!) seem to have been stolen by dd1 vanished. I know nothing really about make up or where to start. At best I can mange a bit of face powder, mascara, eye shadow and blusher and lip gloss.
My hair is a disaster. It is just below shoulder length and wavy/curly ie dry and frizzy most of the time. I have coloured it home for about 20 years and imagine it would possibly be almost totally grey of left to its own devices.

I am going to try and do nicer things for myself on my days off (Monday - sometimes!) Money is tight, but not as bad as it was when I was a SAHM. I can afford a bit if I plan ahead and budget.

so someone...please tell me what to and where to start....I am fed up of looking hassled, dishevelled fat and frumpy and I would like to feel a little bit better about myself.

In the past when I've felt like you, what has helped me re style myself:

• not sure on local fashions where you are. Look for someone your age, your heigh and size and see what they are wearing. If they look good, remember the bits/ overall look, go somewhere cheap and replicate it slightly differently eg peacocks, tu at sainsburys

• throw away all your clothes over 2yrs old and make up more than a year old

• ditch carbs esp after 5pm

• drink 2l water a day, clear nail Varnish on nails

• get an eyebrow pencil, foundation that works for you and put mascara on

• moisturise your face and hands morning and night

Hope this helps. Doesn't have to cost a lot.

thank you London.
Yes foundation and eyebrow pencil are good ideas.
also I have some nice hand cream - it is the drawer by my bed and I've used it about twice! I shall start from this evening with regular hand moisturising.

ok. I have just booked a hairdressers app for begining of October. Eeeek!
I HATE hairdressers and haven't been to one for about 5 years.
Don't let me chicken out! I absolutely MUST stop cutting and colouring my own hair!!!!

Some of the stuff in Asda is fine so dont worry about that. I think the best thing to do regarding clothes is to take eldest kids to Asda or primark or somewhere cheap and cheerful and get them to help. They will be brutally honest.

Being overweight - avoid leggings. Yea they are super comfy but Jeggings or a good stretchy Jean is much more flattering. I have a friend who is prob 5-6 stone overweight and about 5'4. She often wears above mentioned bottoms and a vest and a semi fitted shirt over the top to skim the bits she wants to hide. Denim shirts ,checked shirts etc are great. She often wears dresses too. wirh rights bad flats.

Get a few pieces of jewellery, a statement necklace can add a lot to an outfit. Same with nail varnish. I'm sure you can borrow some from kids.

But the very first thing I would do is get a haircut and professional colour. Look on groupon or for trainee nights to get a good deal.

Go to makeup counters Ms get a free make over. They can show you colours and techniques.

Do you mind if I come along for the ride bobbly???

I'm about to have a significant birthday that might involve a 4 and possibly an 0 and I've been having the exact same thoughts. So I can completely understand where you are coming from.

I'm about 2 stone overweight, got a small child, changed careers (so need to start power dressing LOL!) and need to get a grip on myself. I don't want another 10 years to pass by where I hate having my picture taken.

So I'll hold your hand if you hold mine!

So first thing then, what are you going to have done at the hairdressers? have you got any thoughts on colour and style?

can someone explain eyebrows to me??? i just don't get it. How do you even start getting them looking good with looking too false. If you get them dyed do they look un-natural? what about waxing? eek!

thanks onthemat I have indeed just booked a hair appointment at a place a friend recommended. Yes, taking the dc clothes shopping with me (Older 2 dds) would be a good idea - and yes they WOULD be BRUTALLY honest LOL

Having my eyebrows threaded always helps me feel good.
Also, I found that with my long, fine hair I always wore it in a pony tail. I then had a full make over. I chopped my hair off into a spikey pixie cut. This way it always looks styled but takes minutes. I lost 3.5 stone over about 18 months and in that time started looking at pintrest for ideas on how I would like to look.
Good luck

I find that re-shaping and colouring eyebrows is always good start!

If you have decent skin then you could go for a CC cream like boujois which gives great coverage and doubles up as a moisturiser.

You could for speed go for garnier micellar water to wipe your make up off at night and if you want to properly cleanse with a flannel then go for superdrug hot cloth afterwards.
Use a toner such boots rose water and your serum if you want to use one then moisturiser of choice.

To take your mind off snacking etc do your evening cleansing routine as early as possible every night, have a nice relaxing bath, do your nails and toes, eyebrows etc, put on body butter or a slow tanning moisturiser.

Wear dresses with big patterns they are more flattering then one block colour IMHO. You can wear with legging/tights and knee boots or ankle boots.

Just make sure your clothes are not too baggy or tight and are generally well fitted/ shaped. Tops to hang over your waist but not over your bum.

thank you all, some great ideas already!
learning we can improve ourselves together! I have found getting my eyebrows waxed gives me the best results. Trouble is I only ever get round to it about twice a year LOL!!

I dont know what Im going to do with my hair...Ive got a few weeks to try to be inspired. I'm thinking of maybe going a bit shorter...couldn't pull of a pixie cut I don't think as Im currently too overweight...Generally I have my hair shades of reddish brown...but getting fed up of the red. Have wondered about highlights...but done understand how they work, and wonder f my poor dry hair could take it??? The hairdressers seem very friendly so hoping they will advise accordingly!!

buttercup that is a great weight loss, well done.

tart the idea of an evening cleansing routine is making me anxious!! But then as I generally never really wear make up I suppose I've got away without one for a long time! You see - I really am that bad!

a couple of people at work are doing the 5:2 diet and getting great results...may give that a go...
Have eaten lots of salad and fruit today, and trying to keep up my water intake...(one thing I am generally quite good at actually!)

Don't feel anxious about a cleansing routine once you start wearing more make up.

That's why micellar water is so great. Firstly it's cheap, secondly it works, third you just squirt a tiny bit on a cotton pad and wipe your face, then another, then another till there is no make up on the pad. Then just moisturise. Takes a couple of minutes and ta da nice make up free skin.

What size are you? I'm trying to eat less and exercise more.

Agree proper cut and colour.
Eyebrows shaped
Basic make up - Bb cream / light foundation, powder, lipstick and mascara
Asda has nice stuff - I've a gorgeous dress from there a friend thought was designer!!!!
Clean, pressed and neat for clothes

It's your time now bobbly to think about yourself and indulge yourself a little, put yourself first, even if it's just for an hour everyday lol.Try and do one of the suggestions every week, you will never look back.Anyone can look good with a bit of time and money.This time next year, you will be a different woman and you will feel so good about yourself.

Bobblypop I just want to send you some encouragement. You can do it! Everything you've planned sounds great and will make a difference!

thank you all for your encouragement - it really helps!
wips I am ashamed to say I am a size 18/20 (more 20 on bottom and 18 on top - definite pear and very short at 5 3! )
This WILL change though. I know I can loose the wieght - Ive done it before - just need to keep it off this time!

Size is nothing to be ashamed of. Love your curves. Dress to flatter.

I'm getting the vibe that you definitely will succeed because you are doing it all for the right reasons. You're doing it for yourself!

One new thing a week is a great idea.

Why don't you find some pics of some hairstyles you like and post them on here?

I always think sweeping skirts and long cardigans in dark colours look good. A haircut will make you feel a lot better right away. As for make-up, it doesn't need to be expensive or heavy - if you spend on a good, light foundation. Not a thick one, if your skin is good and as you say, you are only 42.

Eating well made me feel better and I was quite pleased when I lost some weight with not a huge amount of effort just by stopping eating cereal when I was bored :)

Fill up your fruit bowl. Whenever you feel like snacking have a piece of fruit or drink water.

Walk as much as possible. Take stairs not lifts.

Find a form of exercise that you love so that it doesn't feel like torture. I hate loads of exercise but I do love cycling. Figure out which one you love.

Thanks all. I just showed dd1 a couple of potential hairstyles on pinterest but she has decreed they were awful and would make me look older....so back to the drawing board!

This weeknight think I may work on my hands.... Nicely moisturiser every day, will file my nails and buy a nice neutral nail polish.... Any recommendations?

According to dd1 I just need to spend more time on my hair....alright for her who has an hour to just do her hair and make up every morning before school!

My hair gets frizzy and dry, Moroccan oil is amazing - wash hair, rub dry, apply sparingly oil to hair before using hairdryer.