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Original poster

Bridesmaid woes - not liking the dress

98 replies

donutdunkin · 18/08/2015 20:14

Friend is getting married in September, 4 bridesmaids - this dress

www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-frances-jersey-maxi-dress/p2049089?colour=Cobalt

The others all like it, I hate it, or rather I hate it on me, does absolutely nothing for me. I think that friend would be amenable to getting it altered, if still matching with the others colourwise but not sure how to improve it tbh. Any ideas?

OP posts:

CremeBrulee · 19/08/2015 10:37

Yes, op I'm sure that 6 weeks before her wedding, your friends primary concern is making sure that you will deign to wear the rather lovely bridesmaids dress she chose. Having to cough up extra for a dressmaker to make sure it fits you perfectly and trying to make sure you don't 'transform' the dress into something hideous must be really adding to her wedding experience.

You don't think that maybe your being a selfish arse?

Original poster

donutdunkin · 19/08/2015 10:45

don't need to lose weight etc, when the OP obviously could

and comments like this just reinforce how unflattering the dress is. I'm 9st4 with a 25 inch waist.

My friend agrees the dress is unflattering on me, hence the dressmaker. I'm happy to pay for any alterations. She was all for keeping looking for alternative dresses!

OP posts:

Duckdeamon · 19/08/2015 12:03

Having seen the pic of you in the red version of the bridesmaid's dress I agree with some PPs that you are being over anxious and self critical: you look good in the dress and should just wear it. You can always wear a Spanx type thing to look even slimmer!

Just take some flats to put on when feet get sore.

PrimalLass · 19/08/2015 12:27

donutdunkin you have read the comment from AllPizzasGreatAndSmall completely wrongly.

You are being over sensitive. You look great in that dress.

PrimalLass · 19/08/2015 12:28

The top part looks a very similar shape to the spotty dress. What about having some fabric taken out of the skirt?

CheddarGorgeous · 19/08/2015 12:38

donut read that comment again. It says the opposite of what you have interpreted.

Seriously, it's not about you. It's about the bride. You are starting to sound ridiculously precious. Sorry, but if it was a dog's dinner of a dress I would have some sympathy but it's perfectly lovely. The bride likes it, the other bridesmaids like it. Get over yourself.

burnishedsilver · 19/08/2015 12:51

I'm not one to tell posters they look great, don't need to lose weight etc, when the OP obviously could, and wants to, improve the way they look, but seriously there is nothing wrong with the way you look in that dress.

How that that confirm how unflattering the dress is?
Nothing anyone says is sinking in.

TheVeryThing · 19/08/2015 13:36

The spotted dress does show off your (amazing) figure better, but you look really lovely in the red one too.

It might be worth checking with a skilled dressmaker, but if you have to wear it as it is, you will still look gorgeous.

I am pear-shaped and once had to wear a bridesmaid's dress with a fishtail skirt. I wasn't with her when they picked it as she & the others lived in a different city, and I just had to suck it up & pretend to like it, but I looked bloody awful.

It is hard when you have to wear something you would never choose yourself, so I sympathise.

Googlers123 · 19/08/2015 13:40

I'm afraid I agree with those saying you are being ridiculous. Just because the dress might not be perfect, doesn't mean it isn't perfectly fine. That part of the deal with having the honour of being such a special friend that you are a bridesmaid, you don't get to choose the dress. But you do get the honour of being such a special friend, just think about that instead of how you look.

Boosiehs · 19/08/2015 13:46

You look brilliant in that dress! Cherist I wish I looked that good in anyting!

Dont get it altered - you risk it all going wrong. You look great in it, have a fun day and don'[t worry about it.

sonata1 · 19/08/2015 13:58

I think the dress looks lovely on you.So it might not be your choice but it is the bride's day, not yours. You could always pull out of being a bridesmaid if you felt that strongly.I am a recent MOB and if any of the bridesmaids behaved like this they would have been "defrocked". A wedding is an extremely stressful time for the bride and her family.Take my word for it. So much to organise behind the scenes, things going wrong needing to be fixed, running around all over the place and having to liase with so many suppliers.I am sorry, but I think you are being precious and selfish.

TheFallenMadonna · 19/08/2015 14:20

In the post you quoted, "OP" doesn't refer to you. It refers to the OP of the other threads she is talking about. The dress looks great on you. It is a completely different vibe to the spotty dress. If you prefer a different style, then talk to a dressmaker, but make sure they are really good.

afink · 19/08/2015 14:30

I really don't see the problem. It looks lovely on you in the photo, it's a nice dress, and to be honest I think you are being a bit of an arse about it. Just wear it. Her wedding is not all about you - it's not even a little bit about you.

DaisyBD · 19/08/2015 14:32

I think people are being harsh on the OP. She's already said that the bride is fine with alterations being made, she came on here to ask for suggestions about it.

donut I think that the dress looks lovely but does look a little big - and that's a lot of fabric for someone not model-tall. If your ribs mean you can't drop a size, perhaps your dressmaker can take it in to fit elsewhere, and perhaps take out some of the volume in the skirt and perhaps in the cross-over part of the bodice too.

I make quite a lot of my own clothes, although I am still a complete beginner and until recently I followed patterns without trying to make any alterations to fit. But I have just done a pattern cutting course, and it was revelatory to find out what a huge difference it makes to have dresses fitting properly. Amazing! I think if the dress fits you really well, you might feel happier about it. It's a big deal being a chief bm, you feel really exposed and on display, and it's horrible having to wear a dress you feel makes you look like shit.

TheCraicDealer · 19/08/2015 14:50

"Alterations" mean taking up hems, tailoring the side bits, maybe hitching up the shoulders so it sits better. It does not mean taking off the wrap bit at the middle to make a shrug or whacking several inches off the bottom to make it shorter. If you make those changes it's going to look like a completely different dress to what the other three are wearing. You'll be getting questions all day like "Oh, are you the maid of honour?", because it'll look like it was purposefully done.

You're a bridesmaid and, unlike some other brides who go for "the same but different" for their attendants, your friend has chosen a uniform dress. Unless you all have exactly the same taste, body shape and colouring there is no single dress in the world which you will all look/feel amazing in. It look grand on you; if you went for a style like that polka-dot one you might feel great but one of your co-bridesmaids might feel like poop on a stick.

If the other three like it then I think you'd be really, really unreasonable to make your mate use up valuable headspace on what is essentially a non-issue.

ClaudiusMaximus · 19/08/2015 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hooleywhipper · 19/08/2015 15:29

You look great , please wear it with pride.

cansu · 19/08/2015 16:22

I have just seen the photos. What a load of fuss about nothing. The dress looks fine. It is a bridesmaid dress not something you would wear if you were a guest, but still a pretty dress that looks absolutely fine. You are in danger of making this wedding about you, which it isn't. This reminds me of all the reasons why I would never wish to get married and deal with all this crap.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 19/08/2015 17:06

As other posters have said you have quoted part of my post out of context so it changes the meaning.
I was referring to threads like the current one where the OP has put on a little weight around the middle and is not happy with it, some posters will say you look great, you don't need to lose weight etc., rather than acknowledging that the OP does look bigger in some areas and advising how she could get back to the shape she is more happy with.

I would not say you look good if you didn't is the point I was making.

Original poster

donutdunkin · 19/08/2015 20:12

Well, we've all met up with the dressmaker (a family friend of the bride) today and it's alterations all round. And the bride has had a chuckle at some of the comments here.

Top half will be staying much the same with just tweaks for individual fitting, i.e. no style change. Then quite a lot of material being taken from the skirt so it's a bit less bulky

OP posts:

Colaslushie · 19/08/2015 20:13

My friend agrees the dress is unflattering on me, hence the dressmaker. I'm happy to pay for any alterations. She was all for keeping looking for alternative dresses!

Your friend is clearly a lovely, generous person. It was really nice of her to offer to source you a different dress as you were so unhappy with the one you've got.

But your complaining to her about it does put her in a bit of an awkward position. Someone in her situation might not feel comfortable telling you that actually, they thought you looked fine in the dress and that making major alterations just weeks before the wedding was a hassle that they could do without.

Original poster

donutdunkin · 19/08/2015 20:14

"Oh, are you the maid of honour?", because it'll look like it was purposefully done.

Is chief bridesmaid and maid of honour not one and the same thing? I am that, so looking like the maid of honour is not a problem! By the by now anyway

OP posts:

TheVeryThing · 20/08/2015 09:17

Tweaking sounds good, the dresses won't look different but will fit a bit better.
Glad to hear you all sound fairly chilled out about it.

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