Looking your best as you approach 40...

[dontcryitsonlyajoke]

So I've got a year to go to my 40th. My 30s has been all about huge changes - physical, emotional and career - due to 4 pregnancies, 3 babies, 3 years of breastfeeding and associated weight loss and gain.

The birth of my youngest a year ago brought unbelievable sleep deprivation and has aged my face significantly. I used to look young for my age but I look every day of my 39 years now!

I want to hit my 40s in a much better frame of mind - it's going to be the selfish decade where I reclaim a lot of "me".

So I want your tips on how to get myself looking and feeling better. The baby steps I've made so far are:

1. Good cleanse/serum/moisturise routine in place for the last 2 years but nothing more - no variants beyond my morning and night routine
2. finally found a hairstyle that suits and I think I can keep
3. started filing and clear varnishing my bitten-for-30-years nails so they're starting to look better (though still very weak
4. 2 litres of water most days
5. good exercise routine

What else would you suggest I do?

I'm just past the 40 hurdle and although I feel ok, I know I could be fitter and healthier. I really struggle to fit in structured exercise so that is an area I really need to focus on. I've booked getting my colours done next month which I'm hoping will help to focus my mind wardrobe-wise. This thread is really interesting and helpful, thanks OP.

Getting my eyebrows dyed/shaped and growing them bit thicker has made huge difference for me: it lifts my whole face, is a 'younger' look and is v inexpensive. I didnt want them tattoed as i hve seen it go purple as it fades on friends.

Face wise anything too heavy brings my allergy prone sensitive skin out in spots but I found Waitrose baby butter by mistake (thought it was their own brand handcream so lobbed it in basket). Its amazing, smells like vanilla and my neck is now what it was pre 40. Its great hand cream and its got rid of my frown line to. Its got olive oil and v natural ingredients. You dont need to spend a fortune. For your body, try E45 bath stuff, it leaves you skin feeling super soft and moisturised and its dirt cheap.

Have skim read this thread and it's inspired me in many a way.
Want to come back properly - thanks OP.

pp I am such a coffee addict but have cut down considerably and drink water in the day now at work after my first cup of coffee at work (normally my second or third of the day though. Bad). I love camomile tea, didn't know it was good for settling the kidneys. I'll buy some more and drink it at work. Due to always having a problem bladder, along with a bad back for which I work to try to strengthen my core, I have fabulous pelvic floor muscles, probably the only ones in my body that are strong

Christine depisan, have you tried hand chemistry? Its pricey but has a genuine smoothing effect on wrinkly hands, it's the only thing I've found that has any real impact.

There's guidance on this thread from HollaAtMeBaby about dying eyelashes, which is brilliant - I follow it to the letter, and it's saved me ££ each time. I also do my own brows, with the same stuff, though for much less time (3 mins), with vaseline smeared liberally around.

My September goal is to join a gym and make time for proper exercise. I'm also obsessed with my fitbit. And I've recently got a fringe, which has taken 5-10 years off me.

Loving the suggestions on this thread.

How about being liberated from having to work hard on the way we look full stop, and enjoy being free?

I definitely can't give you great tips for looking fabulous at forty, hell no, but I do think the most inspirational older women I admire COULD NOT CARE LESS how they look especially! I am thinking Angela Merkel, the Queen (beyond her royal duties) Princess Anne, Mo Mowlam (amazing lady RIP)

For me turning forty this year was not another moment to savage myself in the mirror (again!) but to start an entirely new career and forget about trying to look young but just simply to be me, as I am. So now I have forced myself to accept a huge role that I have absolutely no confidence in, but will muddle through and do my best, and I will channel my energy into making it work. I am not wasting my time or money on these stupid faddy creams and potions that never ever work! What is wrong with growing old and graceful, and just enjoying ourselves and our lives, without the pressure of it.

I refuse to carry on with this stupid (media and industry enforced) idea that we are all supposed to look like Angelina Jolie, even she is looking bloody haggard these days as beautiful as she is, so if she can chill, so can I.
I am okay as I am, my body is wonderful it made two children, survived my partying days, survived it all, and do you know what I think it probably needs some applause and appreciation for the mammoth job it has done in keeping my heart beating and my life going all these years.
Although I have always looked after myself there is definitely a limit to my time, energy and attention span in doing so, being confident about my body and face regardless of my age is my goal.

Can someone run through the ideal routine which incorporates retin a please?

Cleanse, tone, dry, retinol a? Where does moisutriser come in? If you want to use alpha h liquid gold where would that go in? What about the glycolic acid?

This is very confusing, but oh, how I would love to be lush at 40!!!!!

Ilovemybabygirls I disagree with quite a lot of what you say. I for one very much enjoy thinking about and playing with my appearance. I imagine most posters on this thread feel the same way.

Where we might agree is about the ridiculous pressure on grown up - no let's say it - on middle aged women to look young. I'm trying my best to resist that pressure because I think it's pointless and infantilising but jeez it's hard. I think it's very telling that this thread is called 'looking your best as you approach 40' yet almost everyone has interpreted that to mean 'looking younger'. Says it all really.

How about being liberated from having to work hard on the way we look full stop, and enjoy being free?

It's not working that hard to chuck a bit of serum on twice a day. And it makes me feel better when I catch a glance in a mirror.

I think you should be able to choose to do these things, or not. But your message comes across as a bit 'only silly vain women bother past 40'. Which is just as damaging as the media messages you complain about.

Exercise should be number one on your list, I reckon.

Second whitening your teeth and getting a good haircut.

Colaslushie - I haven't heard of Hand Chemistry - where do you get it? Mine aren't wrinkly as such (yet!), they just don't look young any more (except in a dyson air jet, when they look hideously wrinkly and flabby!!)

Ilovemybabygirls I am with you all the way! The people who i think look good are the ones who are living their lives to the max - and to me that does not include much time spent on visiting salons, doing lengthy beauty routines or shopping. Your list of inspirational women is indeed inspirational! Floisme I also agree that "looking good" has mostly been interpreted here as "looking young" and it really shouldn't mean that! Let's face it, it's a battle no one can win, so why take part when you don't have to?

I also think we're probably in the wrong part of the discussion board but in my defence this was in active discussions and I was 40 not too long ago so it caught my eye.

I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about it on Style and Beauty but it doesn't seem fair to derail this thread.

Exactly. What a way to piss on our chips.

Anyway, I ordered a small size of Hand Chemistry cream today. Need hand cream anyway.

No I think people just want to look good for their age. I was starting to look older than my years and tired too. I think we're all wise enough to realise that we can't turn back the clock - we just want to look the best we can for our age.

Another one to add is shaving the face! I have always had a problem with waxing and creams and have a lot of peach fuzz. Shaving is quick, free and causes no irritation to my skin. It also exfoliates the skin so leaves it lovely and smooth. The hair grows back exactly the same no thicker or darker.

I'm 40 this week and I've spent the last few weeks thinking that I've got to pull it together a bit. Kids are older, I've got a bit more time to myself so no more excuses.

I lost all my baby weight and then got divorced and piled it all back on. What an idiot. Anyway, to treat myself on the eve of my 40 th I've:

1. joined a fabulous gym and booked a PT

2. started tackling my teeth

3. overhauled my wardrobe

4. had a very good haircut

I really need to start on some kind of skin care routine. I've never had one and although my skin is pretty good I think I need to start.

How about being liberated from having to work hard on the way we look full stop, and enjoy being free?
How about- no!

To me, it's not about looking young, it's about look good.

I like seeing myself when I've made an effort looking good, I like getting compliments telling me how well or nice I look. I also like doing well at work and being successful.
Style and competence aren't mutually exclusive to each each other!
I fact I perform better when I know my appearance is bob
on!

Funny despite getting my hair done on a regular basis, threading, occasional fake tan, moisturising, serums, contouring, pedicures etc I still manage to work full time, mountain bike, wake board, snowboard, have parties, go to gigs, film clubs and hike mountains each month. In other words, making an effort on my appearance doesn't stop me living to to the max!

I'm the OP and if you had bothered to read my OP and subsequent posts properly rather than just assuming you know what it says, I don't believe you'll find me saying I wanted to look younger.

What I have said is this: I've aged rapidly during the last year, yes, and I have really neglected myself in my 30s. I've spent 6 of the last 8 years pregnant or breastfeeding and the other 2 getting ready for the next cycles of that. I've put everyone in my family, including my husband, ahead of me for my 30s and I'm not doing that any more. I now want to make sure I feel my best going forward, how I look being one facet of that. Again, if you'd actually read my posts rather than assuming you know what they say, you'd find I'm doing a whole lot more for myself amy wellbeing than just making myself look a bit smarter.

I'm rather bored of people thinking that they're superior to other women on S&B because they think they aren't as focussed on appearance as other posters or are personally comfortable with where they are at and assume other posters aren't. What makes you think the people posting on here don't have the same philosophy as you? Do you really think you're the only people to have these thoughts and that this bunch of 30 & 40 somethings can't possibly have come up with those thoughts themselves?

As I already said in one of my PPs (again go back and read them FFS!), what we post on S&B is usually one very tiny bit of our actual lives.

If you want to start a "How not to worry about being 40" thread, please do. I'll probably join you. But please don't bring your superiority about why we shouldn't focus on our appearance onto this thread. You just sound like you haven't read anything we've been saying. You might want to spend your 40s working on your reading skills, and on trying to get your heads around the fact that people have much more going on in their lives than just what they post on S&B

Carry on with the tips, lovely posters I'm so pleased I started this thread!

Great thread. I'm trying to do most of these things, gym, good diet, water, sleep and so on. I sigh when I look at some bits of me and they need work, but I do like my hair! Someone up thread mentioned Coconut oil shampoo, any recommends for a brand or where to get it?
I also think it's not about looking younger, it's about being happy in your skin. I like to take pride in my appearance and it's not about emulating someone else's look (been down that road too many times) it's finding what's right for you, and celebrating the 'marks' life has left on you. There are times I look in the mirror and think "ah, that's good, I like it" and I feel good.

If my post comes across as grumpy then that's because it is. No sleep due to an ill baby which means I don't get the day I planned today. I don't need people who haven't read what I've said to tell me to just channel my inner Princess Anne.

And what a fucking insult to her and the other ladies you mention to say they don't care how they look when what you actually mean is that they're not supermodels! They wear incredibly neat clothes that fit them well and are well groomed. I actually aspire to be like them - I'm scruffy and unkempt - which is the whole point of this thread!

I rather suspect Angela Merkel does care about how she looks. I've not seen her rocking up to a G7 conference in a pair of 2011 Next boot cuts, a fleece hoody from Go Outdoors and crocs.

Ive been lurking on this thread whilst I sorted out my new login and password. I have bought the magic chinese exercise book and some retain A from the surely dodgy "Pharmacy Geoff". I am also in the process of going through my clothes and chucking out the stuff I hang onto but never wear.

It is incredibly irritating and patronising when people come onto style and beauty to say "I'm superior because I don't care about the way I look". Perhaps you don't care about how you look, that's fine, but others want to look their best and this doesn't mean they don't also spend time improving themselves in other ways.

To answer your question OP, I turned 40 this year and have tried introducing all sorts of things just to help me look a bit less knackered and when I go out to look a bit, well, I suppose smarter is the best word.

I suspect the three things that will make the biggest impact and I hope to continue with are

1. Flossing I know I know. Years of nagging by the hygienist about a fairly lax attitude to flossing has finally sunk in. I've got great teeth and now I have lovely gums
2. Wearing SPF everyday. Proper SPF, not just whatever happens to be in the moisturiser.
3. Double cleansing at night. Which is a poncey way of saying I take my makeup off with micellar water, and then I wash my face.

Other stuff I am trying and am still not sure about the results, or indeed am entirely sure about how all these products are meant to work together are acid toning and serums. There's just so much out there and all the claims which I take with the most enormous pinch of salt are all rather confusing.

Have flirted with fake tan but, urgh, what a palava. Think I may just embrace pale and interesting.

Oh and eyebrows. Bought myself some stencils which you colour in the shape you want with eyeshadow and then pluck what's not coloured in.

Well said, OP. Although it's a shame you have to defend the fact that you've posted a thread about beauty and grooming in the style and beauty forum To be honest, I think it borders on trolling when people come into S&B and tell everyone off for caring about their appearance.