Please help me change my image

[needanewlook]

So, I am short,fat,frumpy and menopausal. I have recently lost out on a couple of promotions at work and I feel very down at the moment. My marriage is also breaking down and I have a lot of stress in my life.

I know I need to change my diet and exercise more but hot flushes are preventing me from doing anything too energetic right now . I am going to book an eye test to see if I can have contact lenses instead of glasses but am ashamed about my eye brows. They are bushy and I don't know where to start to tackle them. Does anyone have any recommendations for a good store to go to get these done? I am near Birmingham so there are probably a few places but I am clueless. Any advice would be great. Thanks

Ok - sticking to S&B advice - I don't know Birmingham well but I'm pretty certain you could get your eyebrows done at Selfridges (if not Harvey Nichols). There are probably lots of local places as well of course. And I'm only mentioning eyebrows first as your perception of them is preventing you from going to the optician.

Contact lenses are a Good Thing. (I often see stylish people in super stylish glasses - but finding them is a bore.) Contact lenses are better than they've ever been and, if you can wear them, will free up your face for a whole new look. (I've found Specsavers easy, efficient and good value.)

Next thing - have you ever tried yoga? (There's a new yoga topic here somewhere I think.) It's one of those things that find you when you need it. If you can find The Woman's Book of Yoga and Health (Linda Sparrow & Patricia Walden) you might find it comforting and very slightly uplifting. Just try a little, you don't have to rush out and join a class.

I know from experience it's not easy to follow any sort of healthy diet when you're in the midst of extreme stress. Nothing anyone says on a thread can make kale juice (or whatever) preferable to wine when you've spent half the day weeping in a hidden corner of your workplace.

People generally suggest a new haircut. It's not my area of expertise - but would it be a worthwhile possibility - once you have the lenses?

Just checked - you can get a new copy of the yoga book for £6.15 + postage from Amazon atm.

Apologies for too many findings in post above.

Thanks Dame. I have had the same hairstyle for years and have it done in a local, reasonably priced salon.I suppose I could splash out on somewhere a bit trendier.
I have just contacted Specsavers requesting an appointment as soon as possible so hopefully can get lenses sorted soon . I did try them years ago (hard ones) and couldn't get on with them but they might be easier now and there's a lot more to choose from. I have never thought about yoga so will do a bit of research to see if I fancy the look of it.

I'm in Birmingham. Lots of Asian beauty places do excellent and amazingly cheap eye brow threading. There are several on the Stratford Rd for instance.

A house of colour - colour and style analysis really helped me.
Not cheap but made me feel years younger.
I know its a bit of a cliche but some help books really helped to pick me up when I went through a horrible divorce.
Paul Mckenna - You can change your life in 7 days was a really good start.
Yoga also was a saviour.
Get a good supportive teacher - not a fitness bunny from the gym
A walk in a lovely park everyday is a really good start to beginning to exercise again.

Well - you could argue a non local, not reasonably priced haircut could be an investment in your career?

I've never heard any good experiences of hard lenses. Do see if your eyes will accommodate soft lenses. The monthly wear sort are fabulous.

When I was visiting my DM in hospital I used to come home and do Child's pose. I don't do it any more because it reminds me too strongly of that time - but it was very comforting then. My yoga practice (far too grand a word) is sometimes no more than a couple of shoulder stands in a week. Sometimes less. But there's something glorious about being able to roll into a Plough without pain or struggle.

I hope things get better for you.

If I were you I'd go to superdrug and get your eyebrows threaded for £5.

Hair - if you don't want to go drastic you could get a cut and a nice vibrant colour or some highlights to freshen it up.

If you're near a department store or a big boots you could go to one of the make up counters and get your make up done for free. The make up woman are usually lovely and friendly and you don't have to buy anything. I had one at a clinique counter when my skin feeling a bit rubbish a few months ago and she did my make up really nicely. I did end up buying but I was after a foundation anyway.

Body - pp's suggestion of yoga is a great idea. I was thinking it could be nice and easy to fit in some walking. I always find it a good way to relax and clear my head and you can go at whatever pace suits you.

I recently bought a fitbit watch and that's great because it tells you how many steps youve walked and how many miles. Mine also tells me my heart rate (its the charge Hr) but they don't all do that.

I hope things start picking up for you soon.

Thanks for all your advice .
Well, I had my eyebrows threaded earlier today for £5 at a place in the city. It didn't hurt too much and now they look a lot tidier. I cancelled my hair cut at my usual salon and have an appointment at a posh salon next week.

I am also at the opticians later to see if i can get contact lenses. Feeling a bit better about things already

Great you are feeling better about yourself its also good to find a great pair of glasses to give your eyes a break from the lenses. I never found a pair I loved until recently bought some from Oliver Peoples they really suit me and I enjoy wearing them.

So impressed with your activity.

Fingers crossed for the opticians. (And as Zara says, you would still need glasses.)

From a nutrition point of view soya will help with your hot flushes. Just a couple of glasses of soya milk a day should make a difference in a few weeks.
Im a qualified dietician (working as a nanny atm......strange that a nanny gets more pay than a dietician!) feel free to PM me if you want help and advice

Well done OP. Your making small changes that are really perking you up. What about clothes after your hair "do"?

AMcoffeeLover Is soya really still recommended for women going through the menopause? I avoid it completely as from everything I have learnt and read processed soya is something to be avoided.

Large quantities are a big NO. a few years ago women went crazy with soya thinking it as the "wonder food" of the menopause, but like any food too much can have a negative effect.
Generally 2 glases of soya milk a day OR 3 soya based main meals a week (tofu, TVP ect) are the quantities to get the benefit but no where near enough to cause issues (the serving suggestions are for women NOT on HRT)

Soya beans are also a fab way to eat it but some people struggle with very bad wind after eating it. However its a very versatile bean. I buy frozen ones and defrost to add to salads and soups as well as just adding as a side to meals.

and another thing!
If you have a nutri-bullet or similar thing you can defrost and put a handful in with your smoothie, they're very mild tasting/tasteless. (I like mine with raspberries and blueberries.)

Brilliant that you've made so much progress already! Just a thought, have you got any recommendations for this posh and trendy salon? If not do you know anyone who's hair you admire to ask where they get theirs done? IME posh and trendy doesn't always = pleased with the results. Not saying you will have this problem, but with hairdressers I always feel it's good to go on a recommendation. Well done, and good luck!

Make sure you take a lunch break every day at work. During that time get out of the office and walk. It doesn't have to be fast, it doesn't have to be far as long as you are moving. This is good for your body and for your mental health.

Not style and beauty, strictly speaking but I've had good experiences with HRT.

I used to think walking was not proper exercise. Oh how I have changed my view! I walk 10k steps plus per day (with the help of a Fitbit One). Gently too. It is one of the best exercises for body, and mind, and fat loss and stress. I listen to music, or read, or do nothing but walk. I am 45 and am on HRT gel btw.

Thanks again all. I will try to walk more in the day but only have a short lunch break so it's difficult. I have been trying to cycle in the evenings when possible so every little bit of exercise helps I guess.

Had a mixed result at the opticians.My eyesight has really deteriorated in the last few years and now I need to have 2 pairs of glasses rather than one! Have to have one pair for distance and one for close up reading. There was a 2 for 1 offer though so it didn't work out too expensive. I picked a thinner part frameless pair which will show off my new eyebrows
I am going to trial contact lenses too as they may be ok but we'll see how it goes.

I've never heard of two pairs of glasses op. I have had similar issues but had verifocals. They are more expensive, but probably not as expensive as two pairs. You wear them for both distance and near. You tend to look down when reading so the bottom half of the lens is for that although it is a seamless lens but it does take a little getting used to. Did the optician mention verifocals at all?

Yes, optician did mention varifocals.The problem is that I haven't had an eye test for years.My eyes have significantly deteriorated that the prescription is so different it needs phasing in rather than completely going from one prescription to the other. One eye is also a lot worse than the other and he said that varifocals would not be a good option for me.