Feeling a bit... Lost...

[Twinklestar2]

I've been posting a lot in s&b recently. I feel like I need help with clothes / fashion / style.

I'm 36, been on maternity leave for a year and have a 10 month old son. I feel like I don't know what to wear any more! I haven't brought many new clothes in the past year or so because I was pregnant and now I'm on leave.

Whilst pregnant I wore a lot of skinny jeans, vests and jackets or dresses, tights and boots, which is pretty much what I wore when not pregnant. Now I'm always in jeans and top which is practical with having a baby.

I feel like I'm always wearing old clothes and that means old styles too. Yesterday I wore cropped jeans that come just under the knee and I felt they were unstylish. My dresses are what I wore two years ago - are they still in fashion? I don't even know!

Recently I've started liking the more classic style of dressing - like what Kate Middleton wears - but if I go down that route then will I be dressing 'old' from now until the end of my days!

A friend said wear what you like and what you feel comfortable in but I feel like I don't know what that is?! Did anyone else feel like after having a baby? And what do I do about it?

Sorry if this all seems a bit jumbled, feeling a bit lost at the moment. Hence the title....

What do you need your clothes for?

Hi there. I've been in your position twice, post baby and feeling lost. I was given some brilliant advice once that I've shared here before, it certainly helped me.

I'm not suggesting you need to be 100% high fashion, but yes having some aspects of what is current does make your outfit more up to date. Therefore, get some magazines and have a good read. To be honest unless you have £££££ to spend I find Vogue, Porter and the uber high end ones a little irrelevant. But Red, Grazia, etc had be good. Also, log in to their web based pages, they have current info and obviously its free.

Also, I'd make a list of all the occassions you need to dress for, however basic. So as an example:

coffee with friends
toddler play group
pub lunch with family
drinks with DH
weekend chores/shopping etc.

Start to make some notes against what you want to be wearing against these.

This will give you a base of what you need.

Also try and get an hour on your own in a busy coffee shop, and study women who's style you admire. What is they are wearing? Don't be afraid to ask them where they bought something!

Mothers - thank you so much, that is great advice . You sum it up perfectly with your point about not wearing high fashion but wanting to be more current. I'm not going to be running around in crop tops but also don't want to feel dated. Thank you so much!

Christina - I've been posting a lot in this section on advice for what to wear mostly for when I'm going out, as that's when I won't have my son with me so I have more freedom with what I can wear. What triggered this post was I went to a concert the other night and I had a number of criteria and I felt like I had no idea what to wear and ended up in the dated cropped jeans.

When I say number of criteria I mean it had to be warm enough for when I got the tube home yet cool enough cause I was going for drinks before hand, flat shoes, etc!

Twinklestar, I recently had a 30 minute styling session with a stylist (my friend organised it for a group of us at a party/pamper thing she held) and it has completely got me out of the post-babies style rut I have been in for the last three years. She told me what colours suited me, what body shape I was and what kind of look I should go for. Although I was a bit sceptical at first, I bought a few clothes in the colours and styles she suggested and have had loads of compliments. I have even had people saying I look really well and asking if I've lost weight, which I most definitely have not. I just think I am dressing in a more flattering way. You can wear quite basic, classic stuff in your colours and add accessories to update the look too. Lots of bangles and statement necklaces, it needn't break the bank.

I suppose what I am saying is, by finding out what clothes (colours and styles) suit you it is so much easier to shop, and to nail a look - and it's been quite empowering!

Apparently, my friend tells me, the stylist charged £20 per half an hour session but also does individual personal styling, shopping etc for a bit more £££. Could you try something similar? Or use the services of a personal shopper in John Lewis etc? Just having an independent, expert perspective has been such a confidence boost for me.

Thanks Bernard, I might try that... If I get some time away from the baby!

It's such an alien feeling to me feeling like this as I've always been so into clothes and style. The last time I felt like this was about 7-8 years ago when I put on a couple of stone after an accident. I felt all out of sorts and didn't know what suited me.

Been sitting here thinking about it all and realised I wear a lot of jeans and tops cause I was so happy to be able to after having to wear clothes that were only suitable for breast feeding!

I'm watching your thread with interest OP as I'm the same age as you but my twins are now two, I haven't get shifted the baby weight and I'm back in work. I know just what you mean about feeling lost. I used to know what suited me but now my body has changed, my lifestyle has changed etc as well as the styles in the shops I just feel completely at sea. Plus still wearing 5 year old work clothes to the office, even though they had a two year break, makes me feel bleurgh..... I've bought a few bits but it all seems out of step in someway....

It's hard for those of us who like classic styles to do casual. I always seem to look more formal than I intended because my style personality is neat and quite tailored.

I try to do a relaxed look using softer fabrics rather than stiff boxy things. It's hard for me to step too far away from classic because I always feel messy and unstructured.

I don't think that helped much but what I'm trying to explain is that if you're classic and you try too hard to be edgy it's going to feel 'wrong' in your head. I like the pp's idea of using accessories to liven up stuff.

Wayward - I am back at work in a few months. I really think need to invest some time and money into buying a few up to date basics. My favourite black trousers are 10 years old! They're a classic style - cigarette trousers from Topshop - but I'm not sure they class as being black anymore! More faded black...

Thanks pickachew. I was called trendy a lot when I was younger but I also wore a lot of classic stuff due to working in a corporate environment. I don't think I want to be trendy anymore... I think the age thing also comes into it. The last period of my life when I spent a lot of money on clothes and felt that clothes were really really important was about 10 years ago when I was 27 and worked in the media. I'm now a 36-yr-old mum which is a big difference. Perhaps we shouldn't put labels on ourselves... I don't know... I'm aware I'm rambling, but it does help!!

Also I don't think the trends in the shops help - 90s and crop tops?! Bleurgh!!

Well some of the trends need to be interpreted in ways that are wearable and that you are comfortable.

So seventies BoHo is big now. My interpretation of that (for me) would be a peasant style blouse, frindged sandals, a tassel necklace, bangles. Not all worn at once though! So, I think you could put the blouse and the sandals with existing skinny jeans and you have a reasonably up to date look.

Relaxed cargo trousers - I'd wear a simple plain t-shirt (reasonably loose) pair of skater shoes and then a denim jacket.
Disclaimer- I am not an expert, just guessing my way through fashion

Oh my word, tell me about it, I attempted shopping a month or so back and came back disheartened and empty handed due to every shop looking like it was 1995 and I was shopping with my GCSE results spends!

I am loving the relaxed cargo trousers at the moment, they're great for running around after baby plus they are lovely and light so keep you cool

I felt lost too - I think it was a combination of having dc1 having hist hit 30.

I find that fashion blogs can be helpful as many of the bloggers are real women with real budgets.

Mt faves are
Does my bum look 40
Susie so so
Poppys style
Glam Rosie
In mamas wardrobe

Putting me together is American, but has tutorials on building a wardrobe from scratch, which is really useful.