Going grey in my 30s - keep dyeing it or embrace the silver fox?

[SilveryFoxyLady]

I have been dyeing my hair brown since I started going grey my early 20s. I'm now mid-30s, and have left it to grow a little to see what it's like.

It's pure steely grey, almost white in some places. Obviously it looks awful as I have a 2 inch grey strip in my light brown hair. My hair is fine, straight and cut into a mid length bob.

I can't decide whether to let it grow out, or to keep dyeing it. I've asked everyone for their opinion and the verdict is split. Some say I'm too young to go grey, others say go for it!

After much pondering I'm wondering whether I should opt for dyeing it a lighter colour, perhaps some caramel highlights, to ease the transition for a few years... but I'm a naturally dark haired person, jet black eyebrows and pale freckly skin. I really REALLY don't think I'd suit blonde hair!

Any advice????

um nope !
She is lovely ,her hair is awful.
Not a chance that anyone I know would go for such awful hair.
She gets away with it because she is very pretty .

Nomi & ChoporNot - fabulous hair!!

I vote for go grey, OP. But I must admit, I say that because I also think the hassle and the planning of how to transition later on is going to be such a pain. One of my first posts here was about using a semi as I had the first few showing greys (at 39). I did it - had to strip it out as it was too dark - and now I think I won't do it again. Partly I think it will be very hard to grow out eventually when I do just go grey, I can't imagine spending the next 10 years dyeing it and also I slightly resent how unrealistic we are about ageing. I realise those grey hairs instantly make me look older but if we had a more realistic idea of how women age it wouldn't seem so shocking - as I posted on this thread which might interest you

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/2398354-Anyone-else-feel-they-have-a-decision-to-make-about-their-looks

I'm still finding it hard to get to grips with what feels like quite sudden ageing but I think if I don't accept it now, I am just going to make it worse for myself later on - and I don't feel the need to look 20 at 40 either. The fact that I am even fretting just shows I've absorbed some silly message re society.

if you've been dyeing it for years you must be really tired of it. I know you could start faffing with highlights and everything but do you want to?

I vote for grey hair too. I waited until my early 50s when I had darker grey at sides and back but virtually white on top. I've been through 9 months of transitioning and the first few months with the white roots were painful. Unless you're incredibly prematurely grey, starting earlier means that process will look less odd. I am glad I did it now as the colour suits my skin and the condition on the undyed parts is miles better, and actually wish I'd done it earlier as I hated the whole dyeing treadmill.

Sorry but I think most people who think they look better with grey hair are deluding themselves.

Women in their 80s and 90 would look odd with one colour dyed hair but there are some who do it well - Joan Bakewell , Maggie Smith , anyone? - and look fabulous.

Grey in your 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s looks ageing unless you have model features then anything would look fine :)

Butterflydyeing my hair didn't start when I started greying so it's a moot point for me!
I'v always looked after my skin and hair so I'm not sure why I would stop now.
I agreeNomihas a gorgeous hair.

Namechangefortoday, I was just addressing my observations to the OP, sorry, I should have been clearer. If you enjoy dyeing your hair, it's different. But I noticed the OP said she had been dyeing since it turned grey. I imagine it can get annoying if you're not doing it as a thing you like to do.

My hair's well on the way to being grey and it looks good The colour suits me.

Pinkfrocks, do you think that a 50 year old with grey hair looks older than one with dyed hair? I think it depends on many things.

Wow there are some rude people on here.

I see far more women with terrible unnatural blocky dye jobs trying to fight the ageing process than than I do old looking prematurely grey ones.

And how old you look largely depends on your face rather than your hair.

I have amazing skin, bright blue eyes and look much younger than my age. My awesome natural hair makes me look unique and I look far better than I did before.

OP keep going. You're made the right decision!

I agree about home dye cover up jobs, Nomi. They're the worst look of all.

Wow no I that's fantastic and you have lovely thick hair as well

I followed the family gene and went grey in my 20s, I dyed it for several years and then decided to embrace the silver. I did with help high and low lights.

Sarah Harris is just beautiful ( sighs) . It's not the hair colour , it's those horrible straggly ends that spoil it.

I took the decision to stop dyeing on my 42nd birthday, almost a year ago (encouraged by DH). The in-between stage was hardest, but fortunately my hair grows quickly, and as soon as I had enough natural hair I had it cropped very short (which I'd done before). That was over 6 months ago, and I love the result (as does DH). In addition, I've never had so many compliments; people I barely know (women and men) have told me how great it looks. Interestingly, quite a few women have told me that they wished they were 'brave' enough to do the same.

The down-side is that I can't just run out of the house in the morning any more; I have to make sure my cropped cut is neat (that takes all of 2 mins), and I have to wear a bit of make-up every day now. But that's not really a down-side, as I like the way it makes me look and feel. So for me the key is to look groomed, so that it's clear that I'm embracing my grey hair rather than just not making an effort.

I've also stopped wearing black, as it doesn't work with my pale skin and grey hair; navy blue looks good instead, though.

I look back at photos from the last 10 years and wish I'd done it sooner.

Enbrace it

But you're 42 with a youthful face no doubt.

That can look very striking.

I'm 63 andmy hair is still very brown. I've been highlighting for decades now and will continue till it starts to go grey. At the moment the few greys I have are camouflaged with blonde.

There will be a day when I'll have to adopt plan B but I hope it's not for ages yet.

I'm going grey but it's not the sort of grey anyone could embrace - it's wispy strands all over rather than nice chunky blocks.

As a result I've got lots of ash blonde highlights so it blends in better. I much prefer it and think it makes me look far younger than the brown-and-grey approach.

Embracing the grey is good for some, but it really depends how much grey you're sporting, and where.

After watching my mum, from her mid-30's onwards, dye her hair at home (and now sometimes hairdresser too) with home kits in solid blocks of 'ash brown', and also watched for the 'levitating hair' effect she got in between (when the centimetre or so of pure white made her hair look as if it were jumping off her scalp) I swore I would never go down the dye route. I did go through a phase (when I was childless and therefore had more money!)where I had highlights put in by a salon - but it dried my hair out more and cost ££s.

I'm now 42 and my hair is actually going white in quite nice streaks, pretty much exactly where I used to have lighter blonde highlights put in. It looks nice (when I've done my hair nicely and it's been recently cut) and people assume I've had highlights done. My hair is dark blonde naturally, so on a good day I look like I've had a half-head of highlights. On a bad day, my hair looks like straw and sort of faded. Basically I don't take enough care of my hair, but that's a different matter. I'll never dye it.

Could I say, I'm quite envious of all you dark-haired women who are embracing your grey/white? I think it looks fab on darker hair, less so in amongst blonde hair, because there's less contrast and it can just look faded.

Running up that hill, mum and sis say my grey will be the same, patchy etc. my hair is almost black. I'm still planning to just deal with it. Years of dyeing isn't for me, though of course I can change my mind if it becomes a mare. Realistically I think trying to get some grey put in to even it out might be better. I think in our family it's a few very visible greys on top till about 42.

I also think dyed hair, however done, is obvious. Doesn't matter, but the main thing for me will be fast growing hair and impossible maintenance. Well, not impossible but I'm interested that a poster up thread said women approach her saying they wish they were brave enough to embrace the grey. I think thers a lot of unwilling dyeing going on!

Not sure why its rude to say I don't like hair with straggly ends ?
I didn't actually mention the colour ! and think Nomi looks amazing .

I totally agree that cheap, blocky hair dye looks awful but that's not the only alternative to going fully grey which is why a colour specialist can advise you on whats best for you.

I feel so liberated no longer on the dye treadmill. And sorry for anyone who is stuck on it that doesn't want to be there iyswim. It is really, really difficult to get off - took me 18months or so to pluck up the guts to do it.

I currently have hair far shorter than I'd ideally like - but it is growing. And I am free from the 4 weekly appointments with disappointment and expense. The root re-touch never made me really look younger. Or feel younger. But it was a pretence so many of us go through just to not have grey showing. Seems so silly now.

ChopOrNot - I'm so glad you posted. I wasn't going to go down the route of expensive trips to the hairdressers either so it was going to be home dye. I have a good friend who is 47 and she's quite horrified I've decided not to dye my hair. She has her hair done at a good place, with highlights etc, but she's happy to do it every month and pay £80. She also frets when the grey comes through.

The funny thing is, some people think grey is "ageing" but the reason we think that is because so many women in their 30s and 40s are dyeing their hair. If more of us are out there with our real hair colour, perhaps we can dash the perception!

Ooh this thread has grown legs, I'm so glad. Sorry to have disappeared for a while.

Firstly, Chop you look fabulous. And reading your thread is a real insight - so many people told you not to do it, keep dyeing and grow your hair. You look way younger and prettier now than you did in those first pics on your thread. Definitely the right decision both on the cut and the colour.

I think the responses you had, and I've had here, are quite indicative of the attitude of 'grey = old' that is so prevalent.

I'm 36, so I'm prematurely grey. I'm not really worried that I'll look old, but I do worry that I'll look washed out and unnattractive. I've thought about this a lot. DH is happy with me going grey, so why should I care if I'm attractive to other people... I don't know, it's silly but I still want to feel desirable and I worry that I'll lose that if I have washed out grey hair. Silly I know.

On the other hand, I think I might look quite unique and striking (I hope) with steely grey / white hair. I think the key is a good strong cut, so it looks like it's meant to be like that, not just like you can't be arsed with your hair.

At the moment it's difficult to see what colour it will end up as - it's pure white in parts, pure grey in others, but strands of brown showing up as well, so I think it's more salt and pepper than I thought.

For those that wondered whether I did home dye jobs or not - no, I've been going for salon colour every 5 weeks for the last 10 years. I've never been interested in highlights, because to be honest I hate having my hair done and I was only interested in disguising the grey and didn't want to faff with anything more fancy. I don't wear make up, I'm pretty scruffy and laid back in my style so this regular salon visit has never been 'me' but I saw it as a necessary evil.

So I'm holding out (for now). I have a good 2-3 inches of white, there's no hiding it now, so I am embracing it by clipping it back off my face to show off the white around my forehead. In certain lights, it almost looks like natural sun highlights optimistic

But I am worried about the half and half stage and how horrendous that will look. I don't think I can pull off a short crop, so I'll just have to grin and bear it.

I wish I was brave enough to post photos, but I'm not, so you'll have to take my word for it!

Dye to the death. Do you want to look like a Disney villain?! Sorry if that was harsh.

Not just harsh but stupid as well Bluebird.