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Original poster

Crepey wattle and daub

997 replies

herbaceous · 13/03/2015 10:30

At last! I get to use my thread title.

Over here, my hags.

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 06/04/2015 13:48

We have taken Mummy Dearest home. DD2 is out. Shock DH has a headache...

Rosebag · 06/04/2015 14:23

Arrived in Sussex. Joy Smile Particularly nice journey with just me and DD. DH and DS2 were rather quick to suggest going by train when we had mild problems getting the stuff into the car. Hmm It ended up being a bit of a Top Gear race to see who could get there first. They won but only by about five minutes --because me and DD sneaked off for a nice drink in Horsham...

Angry tilly

lalsy · 06/04/2015 14:28

You go, MI. An inspiration.

Crepeys, advice please. Last night I sort of intervened in an incident around the corner involving a neighbour who I think has serious mental health problems and her daughter, who was standing in the street below telling her mother she would burn in hell SadShock. I persuaded the daughter to leave, and the neighbour turned up at my house much later, saying daughter now ringing her and she thought she was going to be murdered. I walked her home and she went in quite calmly. Should I report this in case there is an ongoing situation with the daughter and if so, how? Adult social services (I think she probably has a social worker)? My neighbour was yelling that she had dialled 999 and a police van did then go past, but by then I was talking to the daughter and everyone had stopped shouting, so I don't know if they were there for something else, or if that was the extent of their check. They arrived just after I intervened so if I hadn't, they might have stepped in. Sorry if that sounds a bit confused - it was! And upsetting. Any advice welcome.

All quiet here - revision started today for ds and dd, which they seem to prefer doing in bed......... Bottle washer in chief on duty.

motherinferior · 06/04/2015 14:59

Oh god, Lalsy. Yes, definitely needs reporting - if you think it's a MH issue adult SS might be, yes, the right route. Good luck!

bigTillyMint · 06/04/2015 15:08

Lalsy, that sounds quite a situation!
I have no idea - if a child was at risk, then it is definitely an issue for SS. Do you think either person is in danger? If so, then I guess a call to SS?

DH and DS are out at the footy and DD is revising. I am trying to be quiet!

lalsy · 06/04/2015 15:23

Thanks. I think my neighbour must be getting SS support already, and so they may well know about the daughter. I haven't seen the daughter before and she said she didn't live round here. I am listening out today and no shouting so far - so am veering towards leaving it in the hope the daughter has gone home. She was furious that her mother might have called the police. I did try and say tactfully that if she stands in the street shouting threats, someone probably will. She calmed down a lot at that point and agreed to leave. Sorry for rambling - is replaying in my mind a lot as I feel so sorry for the mother - but her mind is full of threats and danger all the time. Sad She agreed she would tell her careworker this week what had happened.

bigTillyMint · 06/04/2015 15:26

Sounds like you did a grand job LalsySmile

lalsy · 06/04/2015 15:34

Thanks - not sure, I rather wish I hadn't stopped - the police might have intervened f I hadn't been there uttering ridiculous platitudes (you'll both feel better tomorrow and it is going to be sunny Blush).

Auriga · 06/04/2015 16:07

Hi Lalsy just seen this. Suggest a call to SS and just recount what you've told us. Neighbour sounds vulnerable and if daughter has threatened her, may not tell. Let the professionals worry about it, you've already been helpful.

lalsy · 06/04/2015 16:23

OK, thanks all, I will try them tomorrow then.

Rosebag · 06/04/2015 17:36

Agree with the other Crepeys. A call to SS to say she's probably known to them but you think she's particularly vulnerable at the moment hence the incident in the streets?

MrsSchadenfreude · 06/04/2015 17:51

Lalsy, no advice here, but much sympathy, as we have a "difficult" neighbour with dementia. The adult safeguarding team wouldn't speak to me, as I was neither him, his carer or a close relative. So if you do manage to get through, they might give you short shrift - I think we come under the same borough.

lalsy · 06/04/2015 18:03

I fear you are right MrsS - that is one of the reasons I was hesitating. Thanks all Flowers.

Original poster
herbaceous · 06/04/2015 18:40

Back from the Wess Cunnry, where walks were undertaken, zoos were visited, eggs were hunted, and wine was drunk. All great fun. And once again considering a move to Bristol. As we do each time we visit, and then decide against it.

Lovely sunny morning in a park complete with castle this morning, then remarkably painless drive back to London early pm.

Hatty - I believe you were note rested in my coat. It's a Kors Michael Kors parka I got from TKMaxx in Germany.

Keep getting bizarre waves of headache and faintness, that then pass. Very odd.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 06/04/2015 19:57

Herbs, Bristol (well, Clifton village) is one of the few places we have considered moving to.

Hope DM doesn't become that difficult neighbourSad

MrsSchadenfreude · 06/04/2015 21:46

BTM, if she does become the difficult neighbour, please deal with her behaviour appropriately. Don't leave it for the neighbours. I am sure you won't, but my life is being made a misery by the constant tap tap tapping on the door.

bigTillyMint · 06/04/2015 21:59

Hopefully she won't do that.
But as I live 200 miles away, unless someone tells me, I'll never know. And I wouldn't be able to do much from here anyway. It's a big worry, how to make sure she is OK (and not annoying any neighbours!) whilst living on her own in her own house.

MollyAir · 06/04/2015 22:09

When my dad was dying, I did get to know all the neighbours and gave some of them my phone number in case of a crisis. Thing is, though, that he only had a few months to live, so their commitment was clearly finite. However, they were extremely keen to help. I think what worries a neighbour (as MrsS is saying) is when the family don't seem to be on the case.

lalsy · 06/04/2015 23:03

MrsS, that's awful.

BTM, it must be a real worry (but don't let my tale today make it worse - that is a different kettle of fish I think). Is your dm very determined to stay at home?

MollyAir · 06/04/2015 23:13

BTM, I'm sure any neighbours would think you a lovely and responsible dd, and would be keen to work with you.

I sometimes think in this day and age that our natural neighbourly feelings are frustrated by the danger of getting in too deep and then feeling/being helpless. Dh is an old grump who doesn't want to get involved. Hmm And issues me with dire warnings when I appear to be caring too much about neighbours. Hmm

CointreauVersial · 06/04/2015 23:17

So tricky, BTM.

DGM (the one who made it to 101) lived on her own 100 miles away from family, and for years we relied on neighbours (who were friends) to check she was OK, pop in if we couldn't reach her on the phone etc. But eventually it became just too much for them, and DSDad received a very apologetic phone call one day to say that they were finding all the responsibility too much, and we needed to put something more permanent in place. DSDad was mortified that we had taken advantage, and they had been too polite to raise it for a long time.

So, yes, what MrsS said - neighbours can/should only do so much.

What we did in the end is we found a local lady who worked at a nearby care home (and knew DGM from one of her stays) and paid her a private "retainer" to hold a set of keys, pop in a few times a week, and be the emergency response. It worked really well; we could phone her day or night and she could be round in minutes.

Wasn't today lovely? We had our best friends over for lunch, then spent the evening packing for tomorrow's departure to Norfolk, however there are two large flies in the ointment.

Firstly, DS's GF's DM phoned to casually invite DS on holiday with them. Leaving on Thursday. FFS . Angry I had just about managed to persuade DS that he could enjoy a family holiday without his GF, but this kicked everything off again, and DS threw a huge tantrum "I'm not coming! You're so unfair!", and has retired to his bedroom in a fury. I was pretty cross with GF's DM for just throwing this suggestion out there, after all the discussions we had about GF coming with us. And rather upset that he wanted to spend time with another family instead of his own.

And DD2 has spent the evening with her head in Brian the Bucket. Sad I'm really hoping it's not a bug.

bigTillyMint · 07/04/2015 06:46

I am trying to get carers set up to go in and check on her (not that she thinks she needs it!) - again all made more difficult by having to do it remotely, and her not being quite on the ball. I am also going to get her a panic button thing for her neck/wrist plus a keybox for the front door. She doesn't want to move at all and my friend said that she is probably better staying in her own house for as long as possible as people with dementia find it very disorientating when moved to a new place.

I don't know her neighbours (all changed in the 30+ years since I lived there!) although she seems to be friendly with them all. I'm not sure they've done anything to help (or needed to) so far and she wouldn't want to impose on them.

CV, sorry to hear about DD2 and Brian, and DS - that is rather thoughtless of GF's mum - perhaps she had been coming under a lot of pressure? Hope you get there OK!

MrsSchadenfreude · 07/04/2015 08:46

BTM, I know it's a nightmare - our neighbour's DD doesn't really want to know about her Dad - they were NC for about 20 years, for very, very good reasons, and the only reason she found out he was ill was when the hospital contacted her as NOK.

bigTillyMint · 07/04/2015 09:34

It certainly is a nightmare. As I am finding out!
Understandable that the DD doesn't want to have much if anything to do with him, but that doesn't help you. It would drive me mad too!

motherinferior · 07/04/2015 10:12

Oh dear, I just guiltily tried to ring my parents and got my dad who alleged the line was bad because he won't get a sodding hearing aid and must gear self up to do it again....

CV, two simultaneous nightmares.

DD1 is being very...14 at the moment and I am finding it slightly rejecting. It is entirely natural, would defend to death, blablabla but it's just the balancing her active social life against DD2's lack of a one. We actually passed DD1 and her mates obviously I had a good gawp especially at the boys yesterday. I think I might fast-forward DD2's hamster plans.

OTOH today DD1 is babysitting and DD2 has primary school meetup Grin. They may all end up in the park together.

I have resumed Ladyjogging after a week giving my knees a rest and done my non-holiday chunk of words (actually slightly more, am trying to do 750 daily rather than 500).

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