Oh gosh, MI, that's so much to cope with. Well done on the jog and keep on looking after yourself. The issue of joined-up care is such a wearing one. No one ever seems to communicate very well, unless you have an amazing GP practice who work to manage these things (some do). Is there any kind of community nurse who would be likely to sort this kind of thing out?
After another tiresome struggle to get dd up and out to school - she's feeling manky because she has to retake 2 mocks this week and only got down to any revision yesterday, so therefore didn't sleep well last night and is now claiming to be ill (she isn't, she's anxious) - I've just been musing on the issues shared by so many of our dds. I know that some of dd's attitude problems are caused by anxiety and an unwillingness to grow up. She doesn't like the look of the big, bad world and she would rather somebody else took responsibility for everything. However, she also doesn't want to be a 'loser' (her words) and is really quite able, wants to travel and not live a small-town life, and is aware that she 'ought' to do well. I can completely relate to all of that, because I was the same.
However, I did desperately want some help when I was a young teen (and later) and that wasn't available back then. Where dd kind of loses me is that the help is freely available these days, but she totally shuns it. She says that counselling is for losers and weirdos (like me, obvs). Because even taking up the offer of help means taking some responsibility... Until the penny drops or she grows up a bit and stops constantly shooting herself in the foot, she is going to continue to struggle with the everyday reality of the amount of effort she needs to put in to get what she wants.
Other musing involved remembering the school reunion of my grammar school contemporaries that I went to a year or so ago. Most people, even or perhaps especially those that had bombed at school, had done perfectly well for themselves. And most of them did not have parents who were on their case all the time. (unlike me)
Re: homework wars - we don't have any. I have always made it plain that it's their responsibility to do it, not mine. Therefore, if they don't do it, they take the consequences, i.e. detention. That has never yet happened. I appreciate that it's different if you have dc that need more support than average. In the past, I have stretched to getting involved with the occasional primary level craft project and I will also help with MFL and English if asked, but essentially they don't ask and just get on with it. My time, energy and money go into supporting them with their out-of-school activities.
Still, at least she did actually finally get out of the door on time this morning, despite all the huffing and puffing.