Crepeyistmas Time, Camel Toe and Whine...

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Pandering to the uncouth...

Dd is still not right. Although her head is much better, her eyes still hurt and she is getting the odd dizzy spell. She has insisted on going off to the garden centre with a friend and I am hoping I am not going to get a call to say she has keeled over.
Not least because dh has finally torn himself away from the computer and taken ds somewhere. Dh is using his holiday to install a new operating system on my machine and it seems it is not going well. The complexity of the software we use for work and the idiosyncracies of our network etc etc are causing isshoos. I admire his staying power - I'd have chucked the whole bloody lot out of the window about 2 days ago.

Oh and dh delegated the small amount of wrapping he had to do to ds. I am sure that some 9 year old boys have superb present wrapping skills, but ds is not one of the.

Poor dd Stropps, I hope she is none the worse for her garden centre foray.
Wilbur, the wrong kind of blinis made me snort; I have had a similar middle class ishoo with nibbed pistachios( did you Ottolenghi)
Just had a text asking if I would 'set up your fathers new iPhone on Christmas Day."
I can't think, at this moment of anything more depressing , more stressful -nd more shout inducing than setting up an iPhone for an 86 year old technophobic on Xmas day, ( as well as cooking dinner, arranging games etc for everyone)
I think my mother imagines I have a magic wand. I don't even finish work until 5 tomorrow so at this point I'll be conjuring the whole of Xmas out of
my arsea top hat
Dd and dh are horizontal and playing minion rush.
I am up to my oxters in angry last minute customers who expect me to be able to post them tickets in time for Xmas.
Magic I am, magic

Oh and my cleaner knocks off Christmas for the three weeks of the year I would pay her ££££ just to turn up and glare at dh and his crumbs . He was sawing in the living room yesterday.

MI - likewise re cleaner. I used to have an amazing Polish cleaner - the house used to be spotless when she had finished (although she was very heavy on the cleaning products). Now I do what I can and I am living in the dustiest area of the UK........

Only a day to go - they have turned the lights off (yes really) and I am sitting in the dark(ish)........

@ sawing. I thought my dh was the only one who did things like that. He always looks so offended when I complain.
Crem, wishing you much strength is dealing with customers and their unreasonable expectations and your Christmas conjuring act.
We are supposed to be going to the cinema in 10 mins and whilst dh and ds have reappeared, they are no longer on speakers and dd has not returned. Ho hum. Good tidings of great joy needed...

Or is it "glad tidings"? Dear me, I really am so godless these days.

BD, if it's dark, just fashion a pretend you out of balloons and go home for Christmas.

Stropps

Yup - another with a DH who looks offended if you comment on the collateral damage left by his handiwork. I'm just supposed to be grateful he does the job.

Stropps - hope DH and DD have made up!

I've left the office and the train is pulling out of the station

A combination of crepey wisdom and London Bridge being rebuilt means I have a small Hema bag beside me....

Leave BD, leave.... And Crem, you are magic!

Maybe I should be glad that DH doesn't attempt any handiwork!

Is there a Hema in LB then? How have I missed it? LB is shut to our train line till after the NY now because of the works

Cremo, if anyone can conjure the whole of Christmas out of their arse, you can

CV the plumbers glad tidings of great joy were actually true

BD, hope you have escaped the office by now, leaving your balloon effigy to hold the fort.

Stropps, hope you get to the cinema - what are you going to see?

I had a fairly relaxing afternoon - Mistletoe over Manhattan was just the right sort of cheesy Christmas film, but then I clicked on one called The Selfish Giant which I thought would be a version of the Oscar Wilde story. It infact turned out to be a gritty Northern drama about two excluded boys who live on an estate just like the Park Hill was in Sheffield on my final TP, who go scrapping and it ends horrifyingly. Not at all Christmassy

I want to watch War Horse tonight (another one I recorded), so hope DD is keen too - DS is now sleeping over at his mates, but will need collecting at 9.30am tomorrow so we get out in time...

BTM, it's at Victoria, upstairs. I never go to Victoria but due to the LB closure, I had to....

I bought reading glasses today (for the first time!) It's transformed my journey home with magnificent magnification of my phone. Amazing. Only plus one on both sides and less than £20. Best Christmas present ever!

Oh dear, yes, The Selfish Giant. It's a lovely film, but not at all what you think it's going to be. And because it would be such a spoiler, no warnings are given about how gritty it gets.

We went to a family funeral (v aged aunt) on Monday and stayed at one of the Pig hotels. Wow. They are good. Ours was the Pig on the Beach in Dorset, but there's others near Bath, New Forest and I forget where else. Lovely. Total commitment to growing and cooking.

We came home to find the house had been cleaned. Dd had had a load of friends to stay and they cleaned the house afterwards - it was extraordinary. My evil mind is wondering whether - perhaps if I let out rooms for assignations - those girls might come round more often. Like, really often.

Ah! I will have to pop in

I get my reading glasses from the pound shops which always amazes everyone as they look good and work well! I need loads of pairs as I am always misplacing them!

Molly at you describing it as lovely!

Do you think they had a paaartaaay?!

Did all you lovely group dynamic fiends read Philippa Perry in yesterday's G2?

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/dec/22/curmudgeon-control-freak-12-roles-of-christmas

BTM, it is a great film, though. Surely!

Think they did paaaartaaay. There is a strange miasma of really, really strong men's aftershave in the lounge - not the subtle stuff worn by dh or ds.

Fab that you trusted her Molly, and that there was no lasting damage
It is a good film, just not a feel-good one! We are going to watch War Horse imminently, so I've got the tissues at the ready.

I don't think I fit into any of her categories!

I'm afraid I'm dangerously close to being The Placator. I love the way she describes me it.

Result, crepesters! Just done the stockings, balancing presents and lo! What should be left over? Four delightful little chocolates filled with espresso. I have destroyed the evidence .

Oh cripes. It's all gone a bit wrong, here. I'd left myself a perfect evening's tasks - wrapping stocking presents, tending to a ham, doing a little light packing and outfit deciding. Our neighbours invited us over for 'a drink' at six. I didn't return long ago, and only after dancing riotously to their selection of folk/celtic music, and polishing off four bottles of fizz between four. I haven't had any dinner, but have had too many nibbles to be hungry.

We have to leave for MiL's about 10 tomorrow. It's not looking good.

And yes - I think I too am the placator (like a lot of crepes) with ego maniac tendencies. And touches of Delighted Child.

Herbs
I have told Dp I really (I mean really) don't give a fig about food on Christmas day - I want us to enjoy each other others company, open some pressies, walk the hill and generally chill...

One more day - off to my dark office in the morning,

Hope ill people are on the mend!

Best laid plans, eh, Herbs?

I have been "tending to a ham" myself this evening, as it happens, and it's looking mighty tasty. PILs are ensconced on the sofa and weeping with laughter watching Mrs Brown. Work all complete, turkey in fridge, Tesco online shop done (no falling asleep on the job here)..... tasks for tomorrow include Having a Lie In, Conducting a Festive Ladyjog and Hastily Wrapping the Stocking Fillers. DH is taking MIL to the shops to buy her Christmas present, but I shall be swerving that particular trip.

Yes, Rose, it was the Tally Ho. Still there....

And yes, we have a shower.