black tie emergency

[StatisticallyChallenged]

Ok. Help.

Just been invited to a black tie ball on Saturday. That is this Saturday! I need a dress, fast.

I'm somewhere between a 14 and 16 at the moment, although size charts seem to disagree! 30j boobs, defined waist, big big hips, big bum. Nothing too clingy around lower tummy although spanx will be applied. Possible two pairs! I wear a lot of fit and flare type shapes, fuller skirts and nipped in waists suit me. Colour wise I'm a winter. I've been to this event before and it was a mix of long floor length and cocktail dresses. Oh, and a bra with straps is probably essential.

No issue with accessories, I'll have shoes to match anything! Help me oh wise ones. Budget, Erm, 200 ish, less if possible, more if necessary!

What about this one from Debenhams - reduced £59. The waterfall front will disguise your tummy.

www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_008010335648_-1

Unfortunately I don't think that would suit me - I have a 15" difference between my waist and hips and J cups, so dresses which are fitted the whole way down tend not to fit everywhere! I'm kind of a pear with boobs stuck on top!

Are we talking retro here? Have you looked at the usual 50's-style hourglass suspects? (Can't remember any of their names but there's a bunch of them and a load of S&B threads)

If you would consider hiring try Girl meets dress- I think they can send you a selection to try if you aren't near London.

I am considering retro, I'm just not sure if it might look a tad fancy dress IYSWIM? But that shape is very good on me if I could find a more modern version.

Currently checking out vivienne of holloway, lindybop and lady v vintage.

Colours? Any definite no colours?

Yellows/golds/browns all make me look dead. I suit bold, strong colours - purples, cobalt blue, emerald green, fuschia etc. Can wear black, grey etc absolutely fine too

Why did I agree to this! It's also the professional equivalent of going to an event with your ex so I need to look nice.

ok, contradicting the above slightly but I found this in my wardrobe which miraculously still fits. The nude underlayer colour isn't perfect but it's quite far away from my face...

I need to accessorize it - ideally something to cover my arms (it's cold!), and I think it needs a sparkly belt. The little line of sequins on it doesn't show up (it gets a bit lost in the boob shadow!) but I tried an old broken sparkly belt and it helped loads.

Shoes suggestions needed too! I have lots, but I always need more!