Help! I have 12 days to turn around years of neglect.

[GaryTheUnicorn]

I've been burying my head in the sand about how bad things have got, I looked in the mirror honestly today and I look like utter rubbish. I have know for a long time that things were bad, but instead of getting better it has got worse. I now have 12 days to a big event and I cannot bear to go looking how I do.

TBH I got away with a lot when I was younger and never really needed to do anything. I am tall, was slim and could get away with jeans and a fitted tee or a pretty top on a night out. I'm fair, have dark hair an pink lips so never really needed anything more than a little base, some blush and a slick of mascara.

Things started to change when I hit 33, I have always had a little grey but it really took over. I was very depressed and was on ADs for a while, I piled on the weight and started to look crap. Then I came off the ODs and never lost the weight. I started Uni and still wore jeans and t shirts but bigger not fitted ones, i didn't make any effort with myself. My relationship broke down and I became invisible and hid behind this ugly image.

I embarked on a healthy eating regime and doing the 30DS when I graduated, I lost a stone in a month and looked and felt a lot better. But things have slipped again. I've not gained any weight but I am bloated, my skin is dehydrated and I am generally disheveled with 2 inches of grey roots.

I want to turn this round but feel it is insurmountable, I have no style, I am 37 and live in jeans and t shirts. I can't do make up and I can't get away with it anymore, my skin tone has changed and I would look a million times better with some make up but am rubbish at it. I just look so tired and grey.

I'm drinking to much wine, coffee and diet coke and eating too much rubbish, I also smoke like a chimney. Not a good combination.

I'm going to have to turn this around in someway. I need to feel better and take care of myself so I look better. Any tips for how I can return to the human race.

Sorry it is so long it just splatted out of my head

How much money have you got? Can you get a colour and cut this week? Brow shape did tint. Start a facial regime and gradual tan daily? Get your teeth professionally cleaned.

Get yourself two pairs of decent jeans or trousers and some pretty jewellery and take it from there,

Well done for keeping the weight off!!

Also agree with the above

When I'm feeling rubbish I buy some exfoliating gloves, body lotion, foot scrub and a nice nail polish. Use the gloves every day in bath or shower, scrub my feet, body lotion and a DIY manicure and pedicure. Makes me feel a bit more 'polished' but isn't too hard to maintain or too different (if I try to make a big effort I don't feel like me)

Thank you for reading and replying .

Not much money unfortunately, I set up my own business on graduating and whilst it is going well all the money has been ploughed back in. Its probably not helped in how I look as I am tucked away by myself all day and am far away from my friends, no need to wear nice clothes, put on make up or dye my hair. Think that has contributed to making things worse as I am hidden and get lonely.

On a positive note I have had a beauty/beauty box addiction when feeling low and I do have stacks of products to use up. I got all the things to follow the Caroline Hirons routine and just need to start doing it. My lovely mum also bought me a ton of make up when she was in the US as I had just lost my stone. I have MAC, Tarte, Estee Lauder and Anastasia products sitting in a box never used . Guess It is time to start.

I'm going to have a shower and wash my hair, I've a box of hair dye and if I do it tomorrow morning I'm sure I will feel better. Can't feel any worse!

And yes to drinking more water (and eating a big salad everyday, I've noticed when I eat raw carrots, watercress and cucumber regularly my skin improves a lot). Green tea is good too.

Rather than all-at-once, try one thing a week.

I get my brows threaded at the hairdresser for £3 (and this is in the south-east) and look so much better for it - ask around, it makes a huge difference to how "groomed" I look.

Stop drinking Diet Coke (just stop. I did.) and use that money for grooming instead. Drink water, it's free.

I'm a lifelong non-smoker due to asthma so don't want to lecture BUT...you can tell a smoker from their skin. Really.

Well done for the weight loss!

How are you sleeping OP? Looking washed out for me is often to do with sleep issues, nutrition issues, and not getting enough fresh air. You could ask the GP to run some basic blood tests if you feel you are run down, you could be anaemic.

What is the event?

You could get a lot done for you for this event if you can pay to just have cut and colour, pedicure, manicure etc. If not you should definitely try to get a haircut but can do the rest yourself. If at all possible, get a blow dry on the morning of the event. If you are going for a cut you can get them to do a trial run when they blow it dry then.

Make up you could also get done for you, otherwise you can get some advice here and there are lots of videos online. Do you own any make up, if so what? Also can you give us a hint re budget and a bit more about your colouring/figure.

You can do this!

Sorry, cross posted!

The scrub below is quite good for brightening, use every other morning in place of or after other cleanser.

www.echemist.co.uk/p-garnier-pure-active-fruity-energy-daily-energising-gel-scrub

try looking for make up tutorials on youtube. look for things based on the look you want to go for such as 'natural look' smokey eye make up' and have a practice. pixiewoo often come well recommended

YY to drinking plenty of fluids, if you don't like water, the water content in tea, flavoured waters, fruit teas etc all count and do help your skin. Cut down on white carbs to cut some of the bloating

Nice long showers/baths with nice products, scrubs or exfoliating gloves help bring the glow back to your skin. don't go overboard though, no need to scrub harshly, just a gently buff is enough. a nice lotion afterwards will help you get nice sioft skin and it always feels like a bit of an extra treat to me

Cut and colour if you can afford it or a good trim and a home dye. remember with home dyes to always buy AT LEAST one shade lighter than the colour you want to achieve as home dyes always go darker than the box shows they will. Wax/pluck/thread your eyebrows and this will really help lift your face.

Clothes wise, ditch those baggy t-shirts, they won't help you look smaller. Buy a few fitted but not clinging ones and they will make you look and feel a lot better. If you haven't already, find one of the bra threads or start one asking for the bra gurus to help you measure for a properly fitting bra. A decent, properly fitting bra does wonders for your figure.

If you can't afford professional teeth cleaning, get some whitening toothpaste such as cogate max white one. It doesn't clean or whiten to blinding effect but it does help quite a lot if you use it often. it's best used with an electric tooth brush but if you don't have one, a regular one is fine as long as you brush often

and for you, just because you deserve them

Lots of messages! Am trying to read and take it all in, just out of the shower. It has helped.

The event is a reunion weekend in Italy. TBH the only person I want to see is my best friend who I skype all the time anyway. Some of the group are quite bitchy, others lovely, I hate this thrown togetherness that history brings sometimes . I just hate to feel and look so rubbish. I just wish I had never agreed to this and want to back out but I can't.

Just made a big show of throwing out the wine and diet coke, 2 cans of diet coke went down the sink quite well but the wine not so well, I'd already drunk the whole bloody bottle .

Bearing in mind that money is tight:

Eyebrows are important - get yourself a pair of tweezers and start to shape them by plucking away any stragglers. next day, check out some Youtube videos about shaping them. Plucking does exactly the same as waxing or threading but it's a lot cheaper and you can get pluck shorter hairs!

A good haircut will make a world of difference once you've coloured your hair at home.

have fun trying out all your makeup!

Do some spa treatments at home - exfoliate in shower, then lots of body lotion. Same with face, then facepack and moisturiser. Do this a couple of times a week.

Definitely get a new bra. Think about your best body parts and those you want to disguise. trousers, skirt or dress? Which will suit you best and also be something you can wear again.

If you like nail polish, there are some great ones for reasonable prices in places like Superdrug. the money you spend on a manicure could get you some nice accessories instead. Nail file, orange sticks and handcream are vital though!

At this late stage I'd ditch the diet but try and drink lots of water and cut back on carbs. Get a decent cut and low lights from a mobile hairdresser or cheap salon. Buy one nice top to go with your jeans, and some nice jewellery. Then turn up a bit late so everyone else is a bit drunk .

It's worth getting a good haircut. Threading your eyebrows is really really important as they do properly shape your eyebrows so your face is framed.

Drink loads of water, take a glass of water to bed and start drinking water from the minute you wake up- break your fast (breakfast) with water, I believe we wake up dehydrated so the first thing we should do is rehydrate in the morning. After a week or so you will not even want to drink much else ( other than wine! Lol!)

Dorothy Perkins does really good cheap but not cheap looking dresses, get most of my work dresses from there.

Good luck!
Xx

Thank you all so much .

I am good at shaping brows, I still get called in to do friends and glam sisters even when I look as rough as I do! I have my trusty tweezermans on the side ready for when I'm sober, I don't want to be rocking the vanilla ice look .

I texted my hairdresser before I got in the shower, she also does my mum and super glam sisters hair (back in her size 8s the week after giving birth with not a stretch mark in sight I got her share of boobs though ), I now have a haircut booked for a week on Wednesday and interrogative texts from my mum and super glam sister. I'm going for Sunday lunch with them tomorrow.

I don't sleep well temporary I'm often up too late and then my body clock still kicks in at 6am. I get up make tea, have a cigarette then go back to bed. I need a proper routine as I end up working at chaotic times with no real boundary between work and leisure time. I have some melatonin tabs from the US, I don't want to take them tonight as I have been drinking but they are on my bedside cabinet with some lavender oil for tomorrow.

Managed to find my sports bra, it was one of the few clean things left in my drawer . Am going to do the Shred tomorrow and have put a load of washing on.

I definitely don't drink enough water and am eating rubbish. I've just binned loads of slimy fruit and veg from the fridge. I've lined up my herbal teas on the side and got a bottle of water from the shed and stuck it in the fridge. Have bagged up crisps, haribo and chocolate to be given to my brother tomorrow.

I'm thinking doing a morning and evening routine with the beauty basics and then doing something pampering every night? Plus doing some make up tutorials. I'm very spoiled and lucky compared to most so just don't know what is wrong with me and why I got into this state. I've always been a dreamer, my mind goes off in a million directions and it is like trying to focus with a thousand voices all screaming in my ear. Then I get overwhelmed and get depressed and anxious.

Would it be OK if I keep posting on this thread, just give myself a little accountability or whatever vomity American phrase it is? I find it easy to feel motivated when it is late, I'm drunk and any action needed is for tomorrow. Waking up and actually doing it is a very different matter.

That all sounds very good.

I had suspicions re the sleep, I'm the same and have been since I was practically a child. Yet somehow every single night I think things will be better - total triumph of hope over experience. I'm sure tonight will be better though .

You've got some lovely make up to play with! Do keep posting. You will be held accountable!

Please keep posting!
We'll be here when you report in.

Another one who has trouble sleeping. Fondly remember the days I could sleep the clock around.

Thank you temporary and katie. I long to be a good sleeper. When I went to college (as a mature student) I was astonished when one of my friends went home in our lunch hour for a nap! She just lies down sleeps for 15 minutes and wakes up all refreshed. I can't nap, maybe lie down for half an hour and then feel groggy for two but that is it. What annoys me most is if my goldfish farts between 2am and 5am I awake with a start and a burst of adrenaline, ready to tackle the world. When my alarm goes off it is a different matter.

I went on a field trip with Uni where I pretty much passed out each evening and slept like a log, it was great. Unfortunately Reading is distinctly lacking in mountains and there is the unfortunate inconvenience of rent and bills .

Now to try and sleep and shredding in the morning!

buy a nice top / blouse

I'm a jeans and tee person too it's how I'm comfortable but I've recently been on a MASSIVE personal appearance overhaul and have been following threads on here and doing loads of personal grooming etc plus putting outfits onto hangers etc

anyway one day I replaced the tee with a casual (ish) blouse with jeans and I still felt comfy and the same person but had comments from everyone I met on how nice I looked even my neighbour said oooh where are you off to - just by wearing a blouse (same jeans and shoes etc) It was amazing!!

hope that helps

Swap your 6am tea for hot water with a slice or squeeze of lemon. This alone helps my complexion, it cleanses from the inside. I must remember to buy some lemons, I keep forgetting and my skin knows it!

Agree, ditch the diet coke. Does no good whatsoever, but does a lot of bad, including leaching your bones of calcium (seriously. Google it).

For the sleeping, try to cut out caffeinated drinks after lunch time. I was getting all twitchy at night, cutting down on caffeine has definitely helped. I even went cold turkey for a few days and slept like a baby (only better!)

Give yourself a home facial tomorrow morning; dig out some cleanser, gentle exfoliator, a cleansing mask. Take your time and treat your skin very gently, like a newborn baby :) it will respond by looking lovely. You could do it whilst waiting for the hair dye to work.

You've inspired me, Gary. Tomorrow I'll do a home facial. Next week I'll get a haircut, it's been limply crying out for attention for months. And buy some lemons.

Use the next 12 days as a starting point for getting into a longer term good health and beauty routine.
Firstly though you need to start loving yourself a little more. We all find it easy to focus on the negatives but I would bet there are some positives. And I get the feeling invisible thing too.
I'm 37 (until tomorrow ;)) and share your pain with the greys. I find having blonde highlights through my hair helps blend them in. But yes, a cheaper alternative is a home kit. I've used a l'oreal one in the past and it was fine.
Yes to getting your brows threaded. File and paint your fingers and toes yourself. Play around with the make up you have and see what looks you like.
Start shredding again. It's fab! Drink water not diet coke (something I'm also working on). Eat 3 sensible meals a day. Control portion size and do not snack.
With clothes, stick with what you feel comfortable in. I'm very understated - jeans and a T or blouse or skinny sweater. Sometimes a casual denim dress or jersey skater style dress. I tend to wear the same if I am going out and just change shoes / accessories so I still feel comfortable.

Thank you for all your kind words, it is really helping to keep my chin up!

Well, I've done the shred! My god it was hard, I thought I was going to be sick for a moment, but I feel really good having done it. Kept gritting my teeth and repeating that it's only a minute! This smilie is apt >> . Tomorrow will be a test though as I know my muscles will be feeling it!

I agree that I need to be kinder to myself, I am definitely my worst critic. I think making the focus on healthy eating rather than calorie counting is sensible. I've been eating so much junk that it's guaranteed to shift a few pounds and if I can get rid of some of the bloating and tidy myself up I'll look a million times better.

I've decided to do the facial tonight. I've got some lush bath bombs so nice bath and facial with a good book rather than going out to get wine and junk food.

I took a photo of myself this morning and also weighed and measured myself. It's good to have a pictorial reminder to keep me going.

Right, off to dye my hair now, it will feel amazing to get rid of the horrible grey roots that wash out my face!

Sorry for !!!! overload...