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Original poster

been told I look like a tramp

69 replies

HoneyTits · 28/09/2014 19:11

During an argument with df he told me I looked like a tramp, as in looking a mess rather than revealing.

I'm 5ft, very overweight (think beachball!) I don't have any good features that I could highlight (not fishing, I promise Grin )

The past few years I've dressed in black trousers/trackie bottoms -sort off like yoga pants iykwim and trainers. I did go to get my hair done at an award winning salon which was a complete disaster and now as always my hair is back to being in a ponytail which doesn't suit my face either.

Can anyone give me ideas and tips for a basic and cheapish wardrobe so that I can look stylish with minimal effort.

I'm 35 sahm/carer so as much as I would love to wear heels its just not practical and neither are boots as my calves are too big. Sad

God I'm a lost cause Grin

OP posts:
netty7070 · 28/09/2014 19:16

Bless you! Are you a pear shape, apple or hourglass? I bet you have got some lovely features. A DH who calls you a tramp isn't going to help your self-esteem..
I too am big of calf - Evans Essence boots fit although I need to order a shoe size down as they a VERY generously fitted. I get them 2nd hand off Ebay for 1/2 normal price.
What about a comfy medium wedge heel? You get a bit of lift but they are stable to walk on.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/09/2014 19:17

Tunics and leggings, you've likely got boobs so get V necks

Wrap dresses over leggings or tights

Yes, one pair of flat boots from Duoboots.com to wear with above

I am also short and ball like so I always wear the above - no one thinks I'm scruffy

SpaceStation · 28/09/2014 19:18

Is df your father or fiance? That's not a nice way to speak to you, please don't take it to heart.

It's hard to know what to suggest without knowing more about your style and taste, face shape etc. But IMO what's important for feeling good in your clothes is that you love them and feel comfortable and "right"/"you". If that is your current stuff, there's nothing wrong with it - only change it if you want to.

I would start by looking at some blogs by people with a similar approach/style/body shape and see what ideas they have. Same for haircuts - look at lots online and find pics with your face shape that appeal to you.

A look that might be a bit more "done" than your yoga pants, but in the same ballpark, might be leggings and flats or boots, with a simple print or jersey dress, for example. But I'm just plucking an idea out of the air as it would only be a good idea if you like it.

SpaghettiMeatballs · 28/09/2014 19:19

What about getting your hair cut short so you can't wear it in a ponytail?

Blow dry upside down until nearly dry and finish with a round brush?

ThePerfectNegroni · 28/09/2014 19:19

If it's your fiancé not your father, I'd be considering changing him not my clothes! What a disrespectful way to speak to you.

AWombWithoutAFoof · 28/09/2014 19:22

How about another go at the haircut? I looked awful when I had long hair, in a ponytail I looked like a pin head and my face looked really heavy. I've had short hair for a while and it's definitely better for defining a bit of bone structure.

Can you get some jeans? I'm overweight but I look ok in jeans that fit well. At least jeans look a bit more stylish than joggers.

ouryve · 28/09/2014 19:23

I do hope you told him to fuck off.

DurhamDurham · 28/09/2014 19:28

The fact that another person felt able to tell you looked like a tramp means that the biggest change you need in your life is the people in it. Make some changes for your own benefit if you want to and feel able but don't listen to arses who set out to humiliate you Thanks

BadcatBertram · 28/09/2014 19:28

What a vile thing to say! Sod him anyway - and invest in a lovely coat that makes you feel great every time you wear it. It will see you right through to spring and finish off any outfit.

DameDoom · 28/09/2014 19:38

He sounds like a complete shit - tell him to sling his hook.
I am sure you look a lot better than you really believe. I agree with Badcat a lovely coat will set you up for the autumn and winter, treat yourself to some nice shoes and do your make-up. Try to make the effort as it will give you such a boost.

DameDoom · 28/09/2014 19:41

Matalan has some really nice a/w gear and so does Tesco and Sainsbos. I was shocked - have a gander.

awsomer · 28/09/2014 19:41

I think having a nice hair cut makes people look 100x more 'finished'. Maybe can you be brave and post a photo of yourself so we can offer suggestions of styles that might suit? Or splash out on a consultation at a hairdressers?

Original poster
HoneyTits · 28/09/2014 19:46

Df is fiancé. Yes it was a disrespectful thing to say and even though I agree with what he said, I do feel like a minger and hate what I wear, there are nicer ways of saying it. The arguement was about how money feels like it has dwindled away (bills) and that it wouldn't be so bad if it was spent on decent clothes as least I wouldn't look like a tramp.

I will definitely look into another hairstyle. I think that knocked my confidence tbh.

I would say at this weight I'm more of an apple shape with a hour glass figure hidden under the fat Grin My boobs were massive but after a reduction the are considerably smaller than before.

I like the legging and tunic look but always feel self conscious of my legs. I also like the skinny jeans and boots combo.

I think I need to to work on losing weight as I'm really unhappy. I did lose weight and was only about 2st over the weight I'd have been happy with but I went back to eating crap and piled the weight Id lost and more back on!

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Greengardenpixie · 28/09/2014 19:54

Things are said in the heat of the moment but that must have really hurt you. No one is a lost cause. There are always things that can be done. Its difficult to imagine what to suggest for you as we cant see you. What sort of things do you like? Plain, floral, prints? colours? What is your colouring?
Personally, i would keep away from joggers. They can look very shapeless. Im certainly no expert but what about a pair of bootcut trousers or a pair of wideleg trousers and a semi fitted blouse on the top. There is always the leggings and tunic combo. I agree with the photo. It would be easier to judge what would suit you best.

concernedaboutheboy · 28/09/2014 19:55

He sounds awful. People who love each other don't call each other such disrespectful names. Is he also accusing you of spending his money or something?

I bet if you got rid of him you might have the motivation to do nice things for yourself - eg, hair, nails etc.

BerylStreep · 28/09/2014 20:02

Dear me, I hope you haven't firm plans to marry him in the near future. That was a really unkind thing to say.

I know how yoga pants can be mega comfy, I live in them round the house (love the high waistband) but I wouldn't wear them out, unless I was actually going to yoga / pilates.

I agree with the leggings / tunic combo. I don't wear them myself, but I think it looks really smart yet casual in people I see wearing it.

Make up and accessories draw attention away from excess weight, and really improve confidence.

A photo would be good - you can always delete afterwards.

SpaceStation · 28/09/2014 20:06

I think the tunic and leggings thing is all about length - it looks better (on everyone IMO) if it's more like a dress, just above the knee, and if the dress has a waist, or is fitted somehow (whether tailored or stretchy). E.g. a stretchy (but skimming rather than really tight) jumper dress, or a floral print dress with a gathered waist. One of the staff at our nursery does this look and it looks great. You can get a wide variety of that type of dress at New Look, Sainsbury's etc. so doesn't have to be expensive. Top with a cardie and/or nice coat.

KiaOraOAotearoa · 28/09/2014 20:08

:(
Spend a 5-er on having your eyebrows threaded, make sure you moisturise and have fun trying new outfits. Then make him pay for a new wardrobe. :) make sure he'll never speak to you like that though, mine would probably get his pair around his ears for calling me a tramp.

Tyskie · 28/09/2014 20:10

horrible thing to say. he's michelangelo dressed by karl lagerfeld I guess?

AlpacaMyBags · 28/09/2014 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadySybilLikesCake · 28/09/2014 20:18

A change in partner can do wonders for your self esteem Wink He sounds very shallow to be honest, I wouldn't want to be with someone this superficial. Get rid, then find a look that you're happy with. Thanks

MizK · 28/09/2014 20:20

That's foul of him. Hopefully spending time on your appearance will boost your confidence enough to stop you accepting that sort of nastiness.

In terms of smartening up, a loose, high bun looks nicer on me than a scraped back ponytail. A nice pair of flats and slim trousers or jeans, I also like chunky ankle boots with dresses and a big knit cardie but depends on leg shape as to how the boots might suit you. I get mine from Office and they're great, the heel is wearable in the day and they have loads of styles and colours.
I have a quick make up routine that depends on my eyebrows being neat and filled in with brow stuff which always makes me feel finished even if I'm dressed casually.

You don't need to lose weight to look nice, you know. I bet you are far more attractive than you realise, but I can't blame you for feeling down on yourself when your fiance is so bloody critical :(

MsAspreyDiamonds · 28/09/2014 20:25

Dump him and your confidence will soar through the roof. What a nasty comment to make about his future wife.

Book a free personal stylist apt at John Lewis or Debenhams & see what ideas they have. Often it helps having a fresh pair of eyes to guide & advise on colours /styles that suit you.

You dont have to buy what they suggest but you can use their ideas for future shopping trips.

m.johnlewis.com/mt/www.johnlewis.com/our-services/fashion-advice-service#page_loaded

MsAspreyDiamonds · 28/09/2014 20:29

Duo boots stock boots in a variety of different calf fittings so you should be able to find a pair that fits.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 28/09/2014 20:31

www.duoboots.com/