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Style and beauty

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been told I look like a tramp

69 replies

HoneyTits · 28/09/2014 19:11

During an argument with df he told me I looked like a tramp, as in looking a mess rather than revealing.

I'm 5ft, very overweight (think beachball!) I don't have any good features that I could highlight (not fishing, I promise Grin )

The past few years I've dressed in black trousers/trackie bottoms -sort off like yoga pants iykwim and trainers. I did go to get my hair done at an award winning salon which was a complete disaster and now as always my hair is back to being in a ponytail which doesn't suit my face either.

Can anyone give me ideas and tips for a basic and cheapish wardrobe so that I can look stylish with minimal effort.

I'm 35 sahm/carer so as much as I would love to wear heels its just not practical and neither are boots as my calves are too big. Sad

God I'm a lost cause Grin

OP posts:
OftheTwilighttheDarkness · 29/09/2014 20:40

Next to extra wide boots and are much cheaper than duo boots ( not as nice but ok).
I find long tube skirts are surprisingly flattering. Matalan have some nice stuff for a quite reasonable price.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/09/2014 00:22

Bran -you sound as unkind and tactless as the OP's dp, of COURSE there are nice ways to say thingsConfused

aturtlenamedmack · 30/09/2014 00:32

In terms of losing weight, don't wait until you have to start doing things that make you feel nice about yourself.
I'm an apple and I tend to go for dresses or skinny jeans and ankle boots with a long top.
It was a disgusting thing for your fiance to say to you and make sure he knows it. Don't let him ruin your self esteem, he should be there to support you, and that comment is the opposite.

aturtlenamedmack · 30/09/2014 00:37

And no, hurtful comments do not give people a kick in the right direction. It has been shown in study after study that they have the exact opposite effect.

Natalia32 · 30/09/2014 08:00

I am always amazed by the categorical advice mnetters dish out when we are given so little context about the parties involved, situation or conversation that took place. The DF might be a super nice guy who said the tramp word in jest, or might have said it after a particularly stressful day at work, or might be a complete loser who needs a lesson fast. I repeat, until we have more context, calls to ditch him are rash and ill advised. The OP might want to enlighten us so we can all focus on the issue.
And since the OP has budget constraints and wants to lose weight, the sensible thing to do would be to give it a go before she splashes out on clothes.
Finally, I agree giving someone a bit of a kick might not be the smartest way to proceed, but the DF clearly didnt consult the MNetters about this strategy and sometimes people do and say dumb things. Then again, I know a few people for whom this approach worked at critical moments in their lives. We just don't know enough.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/09/2014 08:26

The OP has already said he called her a tramp during an argument so I think it's safe to assume it wasn't said in jest.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/09/2014 08:29

And I'm always amazed at how much shit some MN's will put up with and how many excuses they will put up with from men who say vile hurtful things to them.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 30/09/2014 08:43

Yes it was a hurtful thing to say, but sometimes it's necessary to look at what we do/buy/wear and spend our bugget more wisely.

It's very easy to buy another pair of Joggers, black top, cheap trainers, when the current ones get shabby. Sometimes we do need to step back and think.

My DSIS is a big apple. She always looks nice. Her general outfit is a pair of straight legged black trousers and longish patterned (usually, Evans top) not tunic length and certainly not a dress (she'd look like a bell tent).
Dark cardigan if necessary. Black ankle boots in winter/black hotter or other comfy sandals in summer. She works in an office where she can chase up and down the stairs when need.

Outside she tends to a black/dark coat and a whole array of scarves (handy for presents)

At home she swaps the work trousers for straight legged jersey ones. Same style top, she's collected so many they just get down graded from office to home.

Honestly OP you need to find some trousers, be it trousers, jeans, good leggings or whatever that fit are comfortable and look good and then try on every sort of top. I can't tell you what will work.

Cross over tops look amazing on my big breasted DF, they don't work on DSIS or me who have more tummy or hips than boobs. Neck lines DSIS can wear with her broad shoulders I can't.

You may find tunics or dresses work. I wear them, but I look very dumpy and Mumsy. Too much arse, too narrow shoulders, too little boob and too short. I'm happiest in skinny jeans, long boots and a long sleeved Tshirt. I'm a big a bummed, wide hipped vanity size 16, so I look like a carrot. However, much experimenting has concluded that a carrot is better than a squarish blob.

Good luck, start by trying on a lot and buying a little.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 30/09/2014 08:50

And yes to good hair cut. I'm 46 and au keep mine messy and long, because I'm daft and having a bob would make me feel old (and look like our bitchiest school gate mum).

However, it's always down or very rarely in a proper bun in public.

Pony tails don't work on grown women.

darkness · 30/09/2014 13:46

If you are looking for a new hairstyle and your hair is shortish consider browsing through some foreign language films..odd I know.! but movies allow you to see hairstyles 3d as it were. They cant be ridiculous and also have to look good from all angles..unlike most of the standard hair mag pictures. French films for insance are full of gorgeous short hair styles that arnt bobs..and you can then work backwards to find some printable photos to take to the hairdressers.

Gillmoomoo · 06/01/2020 05:23

Don’t blame yourselves girls......from what I have read that’s what it sounds like?

I have just had this too .... I am a girl of advanced years and I have always dressed well.....I get many compliments from friends but then.....I was floored when my partner said “look at you.....you dress like a tramp”

I can assure you that I don’t ......what he meant was I was not wearing stockings, suspenders and a sexy frock!! This has its place .....but not, in my opinion, for a couple of drinks in the pub!

I don’t think anybody should feel that they need to “dress up” for their boyfriend, partner,husband unless they want to!

I can’t get past the insult.......either I buy a shed load of stockings or I leave him! I know I will not be doing the former!!!

AraGrand · 06/01/2020 08:43

A few things:

Be showered and groomed (I'm talking about body hair).
IRON your clothes and put on fresh clean clothes every day
Fake tan (St Moritz in Primark is cheap - buy a few of the application mitts - I use them a few days in a row and handwash). For face Ambre Solaire No Streaks bronzer (it's a spray)
A little bit of makeup
A good facial routine. Cleansing and moisturising day and night. TK Makks is good for these
Style your hair every day

What is your budget? Are you on one or are you affluent?
I think a bit of

AraGrand · 06/01/2020 08:46

If you've more money to spend, go to either Lancome or Clinique. They will give you a full consultation and free makeover usually if you book in with them and say you want a cleanser, moisturiser, foundation or whatever else. You can't pay for this separately - you have to buy a few of their products. A good Boots will have a good counter.

AraGrand · 06/01/2020 08:48

A lot of larger ladies wear flats - pumps - wear pop socks or your feet wil get cold. Leggings and floating sort of tunic length tops can hide a multitude of sins.

AraGrand · 06/01/2020 08:52

Oh and paint your finger and toe nails. Do your eyebrows. Just generally look after yourself.

AraGrand · 06/01/2020 08:55

Oh and a nice perfume (not too much).

TeaAddict235 · 06/01/2020 10:53

Zombie thread

Chochito · 06/01/2020 14:16

Eyebrows

When you wake up, wash your face (or shower), and put on moisturiser, mascara, and lip balm. Every morning.

Get a pair of pretty, simple, stud earrings and wear them all the time, you don't need to take them out to sleep or shower so it's no effort to remember to wear them, but they make it look like you've made an effort.

Make sure your clothes and shoes are clean and ironed / polished, and you cut off any dangling threads and sew back on any missing buttons.

If you can afford it, get a smart coat that suits your lifestyle and other clothes. If you live in the U.K., you wear your coat more than anything else so it's what everyone sees and something you need to like wearing and feel good in.

Deathraystare · 08/01/2020 08:48

I will definitely look into another hairstyle. I think that knocked my confidence tbh.

Please god not that awful topknot type bun that practically every woman has. It looks awful, especially atop a large/fat face (I say that as an overweight person myself!

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