been told I look like a tramp

[HoneyTits]

During an argument with df he told me I looked like a tramp, as in looking a mess rather than revealing.

I'm 5ft, very overweight (think beachball!) I don't have any good features that I could highlight (not fishing, I promise )

The past few years I've dressed in black trousers/trackie bottoms -sort off like yoga pants iykwim and trainers. I did go to get my hair done at an award winning salon which was a complete disaster and now as always my hair is back to being in a ponytail which doesn't suit my face either.

Can anyone give me ideas and tips for a basic and cheapish wardrobe so that I can look stylish with minimal effort.

I'm 35 sahm/carer so as much as I would love to wear heels its just not practical and neither are boots as my calves are too big.

God I'm a lost cause

Mean comment.
Only do something about your weight / appearance if you want to for YOU. Not for him. He should adore you, and feel fortunate to be with you, even if you're wearing a bin bag.
I'm only 5ft too. I stick to plain, simple clothes - jersey dresses, slim jeans, merino knits, stripe tops etc... I use scarves, necklaces or earrings to add interest. Also inexpensive leather bags can make your look more polished. I tend to wear block heels or low wedges day to day to give a little height.
Yes to having your eyebrows threaded. Have a chat with a hairdresser about a low maintenance cut that would work for your hair.
I wear a little make up everyday. Even if it's just a little tinted Vaseline on my lips.

Sack him.

Then go through your clothes and throw away (I know, I know, but do it) anything that doesn't suit you.

Then throw away anything that is uncomfortable, or that you don't feel comfortable wearing.

By now, you don't have much left but it suits you. Rationalise. Put things together by colour, hang skirts/trousers with suitable tops in the wardrobe, so you don't slip up by grabbing the wrong item.

I'm short and fat - I like to wear one colour and I add a scarf. I feel good most of the time. :)

What a fucker.

If you want to dress better FOR YOURSELF try wrap dresses? I think they suit everyone?

Otherwise wide trousers rather than tight ones can elongate your frame and they look smarter than leggings etc.

I would also try a personal stylist. Debenhams have one that is free and I'm sure other places have them as well.

A good haircut works wonders.

Dump him.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. The insults will carry on, the hurt diminishes your self- esteem and before you know it you spend your life trying to please someone who is never satisfied.
Not worth it, but you are.

What size are you op? If you are plus sized then it can be difficult to find nice clothes until you know where to look.
Asos do their curve range which is lovely.
New looks inspire range and H and Ms plus range are in some stores and online.
Yours clothing online is good and very cheap. They do boots with different calf sizes.
I like wearing skater or tea dresses and dresses, tunic tops over straight leg trousers, maxi skirts and vest tops.
Getting hair cut into a bob can be really flattering and easy to look after if you get a low maintenance style.

What about some black jeans with a pair of ankle boots with a nice t shirt or blouse on top, a simple jacket with some detailing and a scarf with a bit of colour/pattern in it to add interest? Yoga pants are comfy but can look a bit baggy - jeans are just as comfy but hold their shape better. Ankle boots look smarter than trainers but still easy to wear. It doesn't have to be expensive I have a scarf from poundland which gets compliments.

A good haircut is essential - I think if your hair is wrong it doesn't matter what you wear you'll feel a mess and vice versa when your hair is right you can dress quite scruffily and still look good.

Maybe you're not putting effort into how you look because your DF is putting you down and depressing you?

The OP has stated that she would like to improve her appearance, yet the majority of the contributions are about the partner, whom we know very little about. Sometimes people say hurtful things in a bid to give a bit of a kick. Unless the fiance has established a pattern of these, why don't we focus on the actual issue?
OP sounds like you want to address your weight first, which is wise before you go and spend on clothes. Do you like and have time for exercise? Are there small changes like walking more that you could easily fit in your working day? Perhaps you'd enjoy dance based work outs like zumba?
Appearance wise, a new haircut and make up routine might give you a boost until you feel you have lost enough weight to buy some clothes? Find out about a good hairdresser in your area and visit Boots make up counters for pointers on make up that suits you?

Natalia it is telling that most other people wouldn't accept a comment like that from their OH, and have commented as a result.

Yes, hurtful things can be said in arguments, but it was a horrible thing to say. There are loads of other ways the fiancé could support the op in building her confidence in her appearance other than attacking her.

And I think even if it was a one-off and he would never normally say something like that - the comment itself is not nice and I wanted to encourage OP not to judge herself on those harsh terms.

I love clothes and enjoy S&B threads where people make suggestions. However I wouldn't want to be telling someone what they could wear on the basis that they "look like a tramp". I want to make clear first that this is about their choices alone and no one here is judging them.

We don't know him, but what we do know is what he said and that OP shouldn't let that be how she sees herself.

OP - If you were happy with your appearance then I would advise you to simply ditch about 11stone of dead weight from your fiancé.

However, since you say that you are also not happy with how you are looking, then I would advise two things as a first step:

• Take a look at lots of different sorts of hair cuts online, and try and work out the sort of look that you like, and what might suit you. You can look back at old pictures to figure out if your hair looks better long or short, up or down, etc. Then go to a normal salon (I have never had a good experience in upmarket hair dressers), and discuss it with the hairdresser, make sure they understand what you want, and go for it.

• Try and keep your hair close to your natural colour if you know you won't be arsed to keep dyeing the roots.

• Change your lifestyle habits. The way you describe your shape sounds worrying - sort of hourglass, but apple shaped due to the weight. It's the waist measurement which will indicate higher health risks, so you should start working on this NOW.

You mention you're a stay at home mum, so finding time to cook shouldn't be an issue. Take a look at some recipe's online.

For exercise, GO TO YOUTUBE. All you need is an (optional) gym mat. That's it.

You could start with Jillian Michael's 30 day shred, and repeat the first and second "stages". If you simply type "beginner's cardio" in the search box on youtube, you get lots of videos suggested.

If you're really out of shape, try doing two shorter videos each day (one morning, one afternoon/evening). As you get fitter, do just one a day, but make sure it's at least 30-45 minutes long.

Once you've got rid of some of your weight, then you can go out and buy yourself a nice dress or something. There's no point buying new stuff if you need to lose weight though.

The OP has stated that she would like to improve her appearance, yet the majority of the contributions are about the partner, whom we know very little about. Sometimes people say hurtful things in a bid to give a bit of a kick. Unless the fiance has established a pattern of these, why don't we focus on the actual issue?
My thoughts exactly.
My dh has called me lots of things in the heat of the argument and i have called him a fucking arse! We giggle about it afterwards!!!

I think making judgments that she should leave her partner are a bit strong. We dont know the type of relationship they have...maybe the op gives as good as she gets. Either way, it was about her appearance and not relationship advice!! No wonder she hasnt come back on this thread..poor woman!

I pointed out he was being cruel because I don't think she should take it as a fair assessment of her appearance, it was clearly intended to be wounding and it seems to have hit the mark. But yes, they may otherwise be fine. It's just that looking to change yourself in response to a nasty comment doesn't seem like a good idea. OP mentioned the comment so it was responded to by others. Alongside some pretty good suggestions for changing her look.

All these are great suggestions. The leggings/ jeggings look is better than yoga pants, which aren't a great look except as loungewear inside the house in the evening, or at a yoga class.

Do have another go at getting a great hair cut - makes a huge difference to how you look, whatever you wear. Ask around for a really good salon and go for a consultation before you commit - or try consultations with several salons and go with the one you like best. Definitely ditch the scraped back pony tail.

Also buying a really great bra that fits will make a major difference to everything you wear.

Second recommendation for Duo boots. Look at some other flat options as well as trainers too - there are masses around at the moment.

I'm not one of those who says women should always wear makeup, but a slick of colourless or very subtle lip balm may make you feel a bit more groomed as well as being good for your lips. And also getting your brows shaped and, if necessary, tinted.

Btw, don't agree at all with view that it's not worth buying anything nice till you lose weight. Try some new things now to make you feel more confident and look your best whatever your shape. Ditto with haircut.

polyhymnia - I would normally agree, but the OP specifically stated that this whole conversation stemmed from money issues.

It doesn't make sense to buy new clothes which will be too big for you in a few months time if you don't have the spare money to do so.

THIS PLACE does some nice clothes.
Dresses are lovely as are the tunic tops.

I wouldn't accept those sort of hurtful comments from someone who was meant to love me. I'd ditch him asap as there's no way I could forgive such a hurtful comment. If he truly cared and wanted to help and suggest an update there are a million nice and kind ways to do so. There are certain things you never say even in an argument , threatening divorce and appearance for example as after you've said them you can't take them back.

I won't suggest style and beauty tips as I truly think you need to post in relationships not here

Your DF sounds nasty. I can't understand why he would say that to you.

I also feel like a tramp at the moment and have no money for new stuff, need to lose weight and was told at school by some other mums that they thought "I was working" i.e. a cleaner or servant. I have no problems with this, God knows the cleaners are better company than those stuck up bitches, but it stung a bit for my daughter's sake.

A haircut can make a massive difference, I need to have my eyebrows and moustache dealt with but am studiously ignoring this as threading is so bloody painful.

Make up is fun and doesn't have to be as expensive as a whole new wardrobe. New shoes?

go for waxing, altered - much less painful IME.

Thanks poly. I hate waxing even more tbh! Will try cream for the tache and pluck the eyebrows I think. I am such a coward!

Altered, be careful not to over pluck your eyebrows.

personally, I'd say allow this guy. He should love you for who you are! But go all out! Treat yourself! Get a make over, watch you tube and pick up on beauty tricks, and try buying things you would never try! all the best

Its not a nice thing to say, but maybe hes trying to get you to look after yourself. Its hard to say some things nicely.

(I may have told MY DF that he looked like a tramp and he needed to sort his beard and hair out)

In an ideal world, we wouldnt care what anyone looked or dressed like, but if you actually love each other and its not just a habit of saying mean things, then its worth finding out what makes you look and feel good, and not hide away in some self imposed self styled burkha

Being a bit fat and being stylish and funky are not mutually exclusive

The OP has stated that she would like to improve her appearance, yet the majority of the contributions are about the partner, whom we know very little about. Sometimes people say hurtful things in a bid to give a bit of a kick. Unless the fiance has established a pattern of these, why don't we focus on the actual issue?

Actually since the OP sounds like she really does want to improve her appearance for herself, most of the contributions have been giving practical advice on that. If anything I am surprised people have not been more critical the her partner. Hurtful things give a kick alright, but a kick down not up! They really aren't the way to raising self esteem or self care. OP, I hope your partner has at the very least apologised sincerely for what he said and reassured you he loves you whatever you're wearing.

Also I agree that waiting until you 'lost enough weight to buy clothes' is ! Yes if your weight is changing you might not want to buy a full wardrobe, but a few nice things to tide you over and boost your confidence would be good.