Scuba? Formal jogger? Patterned trousers? WTF?

[Acunningruse]

I have been pregnant, on maternity leave, and overweight for much of the last 2 years. I am now a size 12 and emerging from my fashion black hole to see what is 'in' now. I have been on most of the high street fashion websites today and I don't understand any of it! What does 'scuba' mean? There were scuba jackets, but also scuba 'treggings'? There are so many patterns everywhere and blousy style trousers- what would one wear with them footwear wise- ballet flats would be fine now but what about winter? Also they all seem to be worn with strappy cami type tops? What about a bra?

Please help- I feel hopelessly out of touch with current trends despite only being in my early 30s. I really want to update my look but don't know where to start.

Scuba fabric is that thick stretchy sculptural fabric that wetsuits etc tend to be made of. It is great for knee length tube skirts and dresses, as it holds you all in. I'm a fan; I have a couple of gorgeous printed skirts.

I can't get my head around during the patterned trouser thing either. I like them on other people but not on me. I think they can be worn with heels or flats, but I don't think boots would work particularly well. The strappy cami top look is obviously not a good one for the flabby of arm, or if you need any kind of scaffolding.

I have these eye catching trousers from Next. They are in that "Wetsuit" type material which really holds in the lumps and bumps.

oops linky

with this top or a bright bold colour

I wear with flats, but I don't do heels anyway

I bought some scuba printed floral trousers from ASOS I wore them for a day and couldn't cope the material was horrible, the fit was terrible and as someone else said on another thread I looked like a cruise ship escapee......... they went to the charity shop.

oh dear

Yep I was looking gorgeous (not) :)

< traipses upstairs to try on my scooba pants again, with a more jaundiced eye >