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Original poster

is this dress appropriate for a funeral?

100 replies

bamboobutton · 16/04/2014 14:34

we are pretty skint at the moment so can't afford to get an outfit that will only be worn once.

the only smart dress i have is like this but with purple spots

was planning to wear with a black, cropped(bolero?) cardie, tights and ballet style shoes but it keeps niggling at me that it isn't really an appropriate outfit for a funeral.

what do others think.

OP posts:

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 16/04/2014 18:06

Op,the thing is,well two actually

You asked because you already had a niggling feeling that it's not right then you decide everyone must be in lala land for thinking it's not right.

Important,this- How are you going to feel at a funeral if what you are wearing is making everyone staring,giving you daggers,muttering or upset?I'm guessing it will upset you too and make you feel awful.

noddyholder · 16/04/2014 18:07

I am hiding this thread it is awful and so unnecessary

ILoveWooly · 16/04/2014 18:15

If there is no money then you need to make the best of what you have. Either button up the cardi or wear a black fitted jumper over the top. Thick black tights and ballet pumps would be fine and 'dress it down'.

Good luck.

ILoveWooly · 16/04/2014 18:16

PS. to de-party it just have basic make up and neat but plain hair too.

Original poster

bamboobutton · 16/04/2014 18:49

Have calmed down now and have managed to find an almost identical dress to the I have.

here except mine has no lace hem and is plain unshimmery cotton.

And of course I wouldn't hassle mil about a dress, I meant get dh to ask about the dress code, which he has done after finding me in such a state , which turns out to be navy blue, so the sea salt dress I have will be fine.

So all the pearl clutches can stop having conniptions about Betty boop turning up at a funeral.

OP posts:

KellyHopter · 16/04/2014 18:58

Isn't that more or less the same dress?

Anyway, glad you're happier.

Fwiw, I think there were a couple of slightly blunt responses but in the whole people were simply responding honestly to an apparently honest question.

KellyHopter · 16/04/2014 18:59

Ah sorry, you already said it was almost identical.

inthisdayandage · 16/04/2014 19:57

The most important thing about a funeral is going in my opinion. You are showing respect by attendance and your thoughts. Of course make the outfit as subdued as you can with what you have but it's going that counts. Those that judge on appearance alone are very shallow IMO.

MissBeehiving · 16/04/2014 20:06

Sorry for your loss Bamboo

Tone it down with a black cardi and it will be fine, I'm sure.

Last week at MIL's funeral, BILs girlfriend wore a bright green lace dress. It was a fashion crime however I only catsbummed when she took photos on her phone during the service

MrsCakesPremonition · 16/04/2014 20:07

Spotty or navy, either will be fine. Don't spend money that you don't have on clothes you will never wear.
Go, support your DH and his family - that is what is necessary and what will be remembered.

Maisie0 · 16/04/2014 20:16

I am also glad that you found a solution to your outfit. Maybe you can also pick your DH's outfit too and sort that out, and get it out of the way. If things need to be washed and ready and things like that, it's time to do that now.

I also agree about the point that this really is a time to support your DH, and then let your DH support his mom and dad as well. So, just offer your help on anything that needs doing. Whether it is making bookings, picking up flowers, helping with the wake, or cook food to take round to your DH's mom and dad's to make sure they are also eating and is okay. Your DH may need to help and clear out some personal things from bedrooms and put them aside, or to dig out old photos, or whatever.

Remember that this is also a time as family to stick together. As this is your DH's brother, and as a partner, I would think that he may need all the support that he can get from you too. So stay strong.

You also have my condolences too.

Olddear · 16/04/2014 20:23

What does something 'old lady' mean??

LadyMud · 16/04/2014 20:38

The most useful post on this thread is from Maisie0 !

PolkaSpottyDotty · 16/04/2014 20:39

I have a dress very similar, and while it wouldn't be my first choice it would be very easy to dress down.

I would change the straps, cover up the top with a black or dark purple cardigan. Wear neutral tights and black ballet pumps. I wear scarves with just about everything always cold but this might be too much.

So no, it may not be the most appropriate dress but if you were my family, I'd rather have you there and dressed as you were over either not there or forking out for clothes you can't afford.

However, I will add that it is worth having a pair of plain black trousers in your wardrobe for occasions such as this. I have one plain black suit that I've worn to every funeral I've ever been too. I also wear it for interviews etc but add a splash of colour so it's not too sombre.

Sorry for your loss, and I hope the day is peaceful.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 16/04/2014 20:45

Clothes shouldn't matter in an ideal world, but they do and that's why you asked OP.

Glad you feel better and sorry again for your loss.

MaryWestmacott · 16/04/2014 20:55

OP - your DP might just be saying "it's fine" because he doesn't want to have to think about any sort of angst about 'petty things' when his DB has just died. Can you take a picture of your seasalt dress option?

I think if you have a straight choice between "party" or "a bit scruffy" for a funeral, I'd go for scruffy over party.

Where are you in the UK and what dress size? You might find a local MNer who'll lend you a plain dress/trousers.

Greengardenpixie · 16/04/2014 21:19

Well, to me the both dress's look more for a party. However, if you are wanting to wear either, i think you need to put on a black cardigan to cover up, black tights and shoes and it would be ok. On its own i think it personally would hesitate but then thats me and i always hate feeling too dressed up even when im going out!!
You could also get away with wearing a pair of cheap black leggings and a tunic in a dark colour over the top with a nice scarf.

MaryWestmacott · 16/04/2014 21:23

If you were thinking of getting a new dress this is £10 and they have an offer on this week online.

WitchWay · 16/04/2014 21:48

At my DDad's funeral everyone wore black or grey except one of my old friends who wore a horrible pink/purple tweedy trouser-suit - she looked really out of place, but smart & sombre, nonetheless, not partyish. I wore a black jacket with a black & white checked skirt & black everything else.

If the dress code is navy then fine, go with one of your Seasalt dresses. Sorry this has caused you angst, but I suspect you weren't happy with your original choice because you were posting about it.

JohnCusacksWife · 17/04/2014 00:21

Bamboo, I do honestly wonder if I live in a parallel universe to most MN posters. The dress you have linked to, with a plain black cardigan buttoned up over the top and black tights and shoes is perfectly appropriate for a funeral, as far as I'm concerned. I'm sure your DH and his family will be more concerned that you are there to support them than worrying about what dress you're wearing.

For what it's worth I wore a black and pink patterned dress with a shocking pink cardigan my lovely grandma's funeral....no doubt some here would have deemed it inappropriate but, to me, it was appropriate. It summed up my sadness at her death and my joy in her life perfectly.

PavlovtheCat · 17/04/2014 00:29

Do you know what? That is fine for a funeral, not puffed up and with a black card over it, black tights, I can't see what's wrong with it tbh. It's not a fashion parade, and you don't have to dress like an 'old woman' as someone mentioned. You are going to say goodbye to a relative, not impress a bunch of people who should be doing the same.

I absolutely would not want people to go and spend a single penny buying clothes for my funeral, or dressing themselves in a way they don't normally.

nicename · 17/04/2014 08:35

Was that me that said 'old lady'? You know the classic straight black dress with half length/short sleeves worn by ladies in Italy/Spain when they sit outside their houses chatting? I suppose they are widows. I have one or two myself in the back of my wardrobe and ite been lent out a couiple of times for funerals.

I can't remember what people wore to various family funerals. I do remember bad/inappropriate behaviour though, but that's a whole new thread.

burnishedsilver · 17/04/2014 09:38

There isn't really anything you can do to style a dress like that to make it appropriate for a funeral.

Theres no need to wear a dress if theres no obvious choice. Trousers are fine. Just something simple and inconspicuous.

I suppose a reasonable test of whether you'd wear it to a funeral is to ask would you wear it to a job interview.

Greengardenpixie · 17/04/2014 11:18

The dress you have will be fine with a cardigan and tights. It isnt worth stressing out your dh over money..at the end of the day, what you wear really has little importance to why you are there and with a cardigan done up it will be fine.

squoosh · 17/04/2014 11:21

'For what it's worth I wore a black and pink patterned dress with a shocking pink cardigan my lovely grandma's funeral....no doubt some here would have deemed it inappropriate but, to me, it was appropriate. It summed up my sadness at her death and my joy in her life perfectly.'

Nope, wouldn't judge one bit as I'd know you were a close relative of the deceased. Lots of people these days wear bright colours to celebrate the passing of someone they love. It's only when people who weren't particularly close to them dress in an eye catching manner that I think it's a bit inappropriate.

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