Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

is this dress appropriate for a funeral?

100 replies

bamboobutton · 16/04/2014 14:34

we are pretty skint at the moment so can't afford to get an outfit that will only be worn once.

the only smart dress i have is like this but with purple spots

was planning to wear with a black, cropped(bolero?) cardie, tights and ballet style shoes but it keeps niggling at me that it isn't really an appropriate outfit for a funeral.

what do others think.

OP posts:

Beeyump · 16/04/2014 16:35

It is inappropriate for a funeral, yes. Imagination not running anywhere.

Original poster

bamboobutton · 16/04/2014 16:35

Ffs, how many more times do I have to type that I would wear a cardie over it, I'm not going to turn up with eyepopping cleavage.

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions and fuck off to all the arsey posters, thanks for making a stressful time even harder. All I asked for was advice, not patronising comments

A very special fuck off to triptrap, too.

OP posts:

FairPhyllis · 16/04/2014 16:36

DameDiazepam haha maybe.

I think it's just that a lot of people are now unable to distinguish between smart day formal wear and partywear. They think the latter can be substituted for the former.

Beeyump · 16/04/2014 16:38

I'm sorry for your loss, bamboo.

snice · 16/04/2014 16:43

OP you asked if it was appropriate and people said no. If you didn't want to hear this you should have asked " this is the only option for a funeral- how can I make it look ok?

MiconiumHappens · 16/04/2014 16:46

Bamboo if you feel comfortable in it and your DH is happy too wear it - changing the straps will change the dress a lot as will putting a cardie over the top.

It's not my choice or others for a funeral ..... But then what I wear wouldn't be your choice.

It really does depend I suppose on the person who's funeral it is - if he would have been happy - go with it. I'm sure he wouldn't want you getting upset

Hide this thread and be as happy as you can be.

Hope it all goes ok.

noddyholder · 16/04/2014 16:55

If that is all some of you have to talk about years later you are hugely missing the point of life in general . Condolences bamboo and wear what you want Way too many rules on this thread. WHo made them? Esp as the OP has stated her brother in law was this type of man. Hopefully people will be way too busy paying respects and remembering you BIL to even notice the clothes f the mourners.

Original poster

bamboobutton · 16/04/2014 16:56

I can handle people saying no, its not appropriate, I thought its not really appropriate too which is why I asked if others thought so too. I took the comments on board and suggested asda to dh, says we can't afford it and that he thinks the dress is fine.

I can't handle the "Omg!!!! You cannot be serious!!! Get some respect or don't go!!!" type comments making me out to be some kind of dimwit.

Well I'm crying now so the nasty ones got what they set out to achieve.

OP posts:

DenzelWashington · 16/04/2014 16:58

It is important not to get too hung up on what people wear though. You do your best not to disrupt or upset other attendees, beyond that it doesn't matte. We're not wealthy Victorians who have to wear deepest black for a set period, then lilac and grey for a bit longer.

OP, as long as there is no startling display of cleavage, you should be alright. It's not a conventional funeral dress but you will look as though you've made an effort which is more important. Hope the day goes ok.

noddyholder · 16/04/2014 16:58

This sort of this makes me so cross. Bewilderment and years later shows such a small mindedness.

sillymillyb · 16/04/2014 17:01

Bamboo I'm sorry you are upset. It's an appalling time, and I don't think we have been helpful. If you are up north and I can help then please let me know - for what it's worth I wore purple to my dads funeral, and my superman y front pants to give me strength to get through the day (I wore a skirt too!) I really hope that the day goes as well as can be expected

nicename · 16/04/2014 17:05

Can you borrow something?

The spotty dress would become your 'funeral dress' which is what happend to the one I wore to my mums funeral. I wore a coat to dads funeral and haven't been able to wear it again.

KellyHopter · 16/04/2014 17:12

I think with buttoned up cardie it won't be too bad. But have really nothing else? Just something very simple? And I ask that as someone with very very few clothes (hate shopping).

Btw, and you're obviously in a better place than me to judge but, I wouldn't ask mil. Her son has just died, in her position if asked to critique someone's choice of outfit to my sons funeral I doubt I'd be able to keep a civil tongue.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 16/04/2014 17:17

Bewilderment and years later shows such a small mindedness

No, it shows a total lack of respect. My cousins are an attention seeking pair of madams and when questioned as to why they dressed like it they said "to give everyone an eyeful!"

The thing is the OP isn't like my cousins but people won't know that if she wears that dress. Plain and simple and no hint of party is the name of the game, it doesn't even have to be black, any muted col0ur but not the dress the OP has posted.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 16/04/2014 17:18

And I agree about NOT asking the mum, she has enough on her plate.

everlong · 16/04/2014 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatBloodyWoman · 16/04/2014 17:19

Wear it, change the straps, and wear a cardigan.
If you have a purple cardigan wear that instead.

Celebrate his life, wear lipstick, and make the outfit appropriate iyswim.Wear it like you mean it.

I am so sorry you have been upset.

squoosh · 16/04/2014 17:22

My friend attended a funeral that Su Pollard was also attending. She wore a flouro pink ra-ra skirt. Can't really imagine her doing sombre though.

hoboken · 16/04/2014 17:25

I wore a navy dress and blazer to a funeral recently and was the only person out of almost 40 not to be in black or grey. I didn't exactly stick out like a sore thumb but I did feel a little conspicuous. (Ceremony was for a 70 year old who adored bright colours!). I like your dress but it looks more suitable for a party. It is an occasion where people perhaps need to dress to fit in, not stand out...

everlong · 16/04/2014 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mothergothel1111 · 16/04/2014 17:25

I think with black tights and a cardigan it would be OK. I'd be happy if people dressed up a bit for my funeral. The last funeral I went to everyone wore red ( he liked red) it was nice.

If not, pop to a charity shop dresses cost about £3.50 and you will find something drab and funeral like.

Maisie0 · 16/04/2014 17:29

You know what Bamboo, when I think about it a bit more, I also realised that they do have a point too. At a time like this, you really also need to be the supportive partner too to your other half. I think it is best not to ask or bother them at this kind of time. If out of the choices, then maybe it is best to go with the Seasalt Cornwall dress. Just make sure that you pick the darkest one of out the bunch and wear the black cardigan, black tights, and black shoes to show as much black as possible to dress it down. That should do it. I think the other ladies were trying to scare you into not going for that other option because the fabric is shimmery and it can give the impression that it is an evening outfit as well. So the perception of the person looking at the dress can go the other way as well. Even though you mentioned that the dots are purple and it gives it a dark look overall. The dots may associate it as something else in the other person's eye. Polka dots can have a "happier" look to its pattern. So best not to risk that. If the Seasalt Cornwall is a less risky option, and look more demure, dress down then go with this. The other options are if you are up North, you could take the offer from another lady here which mentioned about offering an outfit. I can also do the same as well. As I am currently throwing out my outgrown clothes, so there are a lot of black pieces. Not all dresses, some tops or trousers. So please do get in touch if you are in the UK and is up North. (Well, get in touch with me anyhow I can post them to you if I know your size.)

I do not think that others will doubt your sincerity at a time like this because at least you are asking and double-checking. Please do not take it to heart too much. Cos at a time like this, I dare say that your partner also may need support too. So you need to stay strong too, and focus on the important things.

Thurlow · 16/04/2014 17:32

bamboo, it is because some people, to be honest, can be utter shits.

It's not the most idea funeral dress, but your presence there is far more important than what you are wearing. It's not worth stressing out over, or getting upset over, or breaking the bank over.

A cardigan buttoned over the top and some dark tights and shoes will dress it down a lot.

In the long-term, it's always useful to have a plain dress, skirt or trousers that can be wheeled out in an emergency. I have a funeral dress If you ever see anything on sale or in a charity shop for a few pound it is worth sticking it in the back of the wardrobe just in case.

But for you and your family's loss

Cocolepew · 16/04/2014 17:36

Sorry for your loss. I think with a cardi over it it is fine.

BelleateSebastian · 16/04/2014 17:53

I'd go Seasalt if I were you too ... the shiny effect of that dress is to 'partyish' add it to the cut, the neckline and the spots it's to much imo.

Link us some of your seasalt pieces, I know they are usually quite summery but what do you wear during winter?

Flip

1 2 3 4