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Original poster

Mardy Crepeys

999 replies

SheherazadeSchadenfreude · 02/03/2014 13:17

Done it...

OP posts:
herbaceous · 18/03/2014 10:48

I honk SiL is on the case, demanding the chief oncologist sorts it out, and trying to whip everyone into shape. At the moment I can't really interfere, but if I can see a window of helping opportunity, I'll let you know pronto!

herbaceous · 18/03/2014 10:58

HONK? I mean THINK.

Stropperella · 18/03/2014 11:16

Sadly, when dh was diagnosed and undergoing further tests etc in 2012, I found it necessary to be on the case of the NHS all the bloody time. Paperwork got mislaid, messages were sent to the wrong drs, conflicting views were expressed etc etc. Dh needed an advocate, because he couldn't focus on anything very much and failed to take in all the important details. It was amazing how both of us could be in the same consultation room and hear completely different things. I found speaking to the consultant oncologist's secretary frequently got me further than my attempts with various other approaches. It was very tiring and unnecessarily stressful, but unfortunately no one ever seemed to have the overview and it was definitely necessary to keep a file and notes with me and verify things at every turn.

NUFC69 · 18/03/2014 12:04

The NHS is great when it works properly, the trouble is that's not all the time. DH didn't have to wait for his endoscopy, but it took about 5 weeks for them to write to gp afterwards.

Herbs, your FIL's experience is awful and must be adding a huge amount of stress to the family. I do appreciate that prognosis must be difficult to quantify, so perhaps a minimum and maximum time would be helpful as a guideline? My DM died of breast cancer when I was in my early 20s, in some ways it helps to know as then psychologically you can prepare, although it doesn't take the anguish and hurt away. Good luck with everything.

herbaceous · 18/03/2014 12:21

The family, inc DP, is finding it very hard, with the stress of having to 'manage' the hospital adding to the horror of the whole thing. They had to tell three separate people they were taking him out for an hour on Sunday, each denying that they knew anything about it, then just before they left a fourth one said 'what's all this then?'.

And now, a well-meaning but incredibly insensitive aunt+uncle have gone into the family house, and dismantled MiL and FiLs double bed to give them space for the special hospital bed. They weren't asked. MiL got home from the hospital to find her bed in the shed.

I so badly want to interfere, and shout and scream, but it's really not my place.

wilbur · 18/03/2014 12:55

Herbs - Shock about your MIL's bed - that's terrible interfering, why didn't they ask???

MrsS - sorry about hospital crapness - hope you get through to someone who can help asap.

NUFC - I need to join you on the bad back sofa - mine went spectacularly yesterday and I ended up flat on the floor shouting instructions to the dcs about what to have for their tea. I sat in my review this morning trying to focus on my boss through the nurofen/paracetomoal cocktail I took to get me here, and later I have to pull myself together for ds1's parents' evening which is about pre-GCSE choices, so I need to be there. I do worry that this will be how it is from now on - low grade pain all the time with intermittent flare ups of agony. My back was x-rayed about 10 months ago, but the hospital lost the X-ray and I haven't been able to get anyone to authorise a new one.

Blackduck · 18/03/2014 13:26

OMG Herbs that is Shock re the bed.... the whole process is hard enough as it is without people being so bloody insensitive...

herbaceous · 18/03/2014 13:32

It's sent MiL over the edge, apparently. Powerless to even control her own bedroom. And the symbolism of the marital bed in the shed.... Sad

NUFC69 · 18/03/2014 13:34

Herbs, that's awful - all of it, can't sort out one which is the worst; it all is. Poor DP, and poor MIL.

Wilbur, after a visit to the nurse practitioner (I said I wouldn't get to see an actual doctor), I am told that it is a problem with my sacroiliac. I now have paracetamol, codeine and ibroprofen gel. I was told to keep on moving, and to make sure I took the pills regularly, ie don't let the pain build up as taking the painkillers all the time keeps it under control better. I can't believe that I am reading of another bad experience on the NHS regarding your x-rays - it's sheer incompetence most of the time, by the sounds of it. Oh, I was also told that the problem has probably been caused by the DGC, ie lifting and carrying DGD2 who is ten months old. I know we have been helping out with them rather a lot recently, but it is a short term thing so I am hopeful things will get better. Am a bit Shock that your long term prognosis isn't good.

Stropperella · 18/03/2014 13:41

Oh Herbs, that is awful. What nitwits. Your poor MIL.

Wilbur, sounds like you also need to make a complaint. :( NUFC, is there no physio treatment which might help?

bigTillyMint · 18/03/2014 13:44

Oh no, that all sounds awful, Herbs. How upsetting for everyone, especially your MIL.

And sympathies to the bad backers.

Wilbur, is your DS1 Y8 too? 3 year GCSE course?

herbaceous · 18/03/2014 14:26

Trying to write my personal statement for the PGCE application. Buggering hard. Especially as there isn't anywhere on the website that says what they expect of students. And as the blurb about what the course comprises is incomprehensible jargon. Ironically.

wilbur · 18/03/2014 14:29

NUFC - I'm pretty sure mine is a sacroiliac issue too, although I have compressed a disc in the past, so that may be compounding things. I think in my case I have had my head in the sand about it all, but having been recently formally diagnosed with arthritis (which is also probably part of the back trouble) I need to work out what to do long term and have a routine to look after myself, something I'm very bad at. Pilates helps a lot, and epsom salt baths too, for the inflammation. But how to find the time, these days, to do anything beyond the screamingly urgent...?

BTM - not a formal 3-year GCSE in all subjects, but they start the language courses in Y9 so he has to decide whether to do 3 langs and 2 creative subjects, or the other way round, next year. As he will definitely want to do DT GCSE, and possibly drama, I'm hoping he will agree to carry on with Latin rather than take another time-heavy creative subject, esp as he has already done 4 (four, IV) years of it.

bigTillyMint · 18/03/2014 15:12

Wilbur, no idea what GCSE Latin comprises, but MFL involve a million Controlled Assessments which seems to mean one a week when you take two languages and involvea complete waste of time learning screeds of crap to parrot/write out perfectly in the AssessmentsWink

lalsy · 18/03/2014 16:21

Herbs, that is absolutely awful. Serious illness doesn't bring out the best in people always.

Wilbur, think they have changed syllabus now so no CAs in MFL (my ds in yr 10 doing the new style possibly iGCSEs, dd did have them), bit worried he may have to know how to speak and write Spanish which he is not showing any signs of Smile. dd loved Latin and it is very self-contained - it does involve a lot of lit crit which floats her boat though.

You poor back sufferers. Astonishingly little seems to be known about back pain and its causes.

NUFC69 · 18/03/2014 16:51

Commiserations, Herbs, why do these people think it is acceptable to talk in jargonese?

Wilbur, so sorry to hear that - it all sounds very depressing. As you say, when do mothers in particular ever find time to worry about themselves? My DSis does pilates and I did quite fancy it, but with my knee problems (one already replaced, one wanting replacement) getting down on the floor is quite challenging (and not very elegant Grin, not that that would worry me). Physio wasn't mentioned at all; I think I will just keep on going and see what happens; the nurse practititioner didn't seem to think I would damage myself by keeping on the go, which is at least something.

bigTillyMint · 18/03/2014 19:04

lalsy, the DC's school still have them - DD Y10. And I think DS will have to do them unless they change to iGCSE's

lalsy · 18/03/2014 19:51

BTM, yes, most do I think - but ours have just switched to iGCSEs which are all terminal (W and my dc at same school, said she cryptically).

bigTillyMint · 18/03/2014 20:33

AahhWink And just on another thread - apparently the iGCSE prepares them better for the A'level.

addle · 18/03/2014 20:56

Do include me if there's anything I can do to help with looking at/checking angry letters or indeed pgcse appn ...

Herbs - that is outrageous about the marital bed, your poor MIL

Wilbur and NU - sorry about your backs - am sure you're right NU about not letting the pain build up.

BTM - see you tomorrow? are you taking dd?

bigTillyMint · 18/03/2014 21:09

Addle, was just about to ask you the same! DD has been going on and on about not seeing all of the teachers, so we have said she doesn't have to come. Am just going to find out what she has decided to do....

bigTillyMint · 18/03/2014 21:14

Apparently she wants to come (despite having textiles homework which she always leaves to the last minute) and can't do tonight as she is learning the bloody Spanish thing for her CA tomorrow.

motherinferior · 18/03/2014 21:21

Herbs, that is beyond awful. NUFC. I'm sure physio would help! Wilbur, can I help you to write stern letter too? Have assisted MrsS...

I simply cannot face working tonight so am putting off an early night with book in favour of messing around on MN and arguing about whether baked beans can ever be served with salad Grin

lalsy · 18/03/2014 22:00

My ds has various tests this week, but revision seems to involve a hockey stick and thwacking sounds........BTM, they may do as they do seem to involve learning to write in said language off the cuff (to my despair) compared with what dd did, but the vocabulary from the little I have seen is even more mind-numbing: different types of both ports and gymnastics - I think one would be quite enough - featured in the days when I was allowed to test ds.

MI, is there a MN thread about eating baked beans with salad? Is it fighty?

dd has just made one of her rare appearances from her festy pit room and given me a lovely long lecture about her latest theories about the world. I need a sherry.

bigTillyMint · 19/03/2014 08:08

SherryGrin I have never drunk sherry. Apart from one party at uni when a friend was drinking it mixed with lemonade - he thought he was so cool!