Who wants to go grey with me?

[Flangeofmingetown]

I have had enough with the faff of dyeing my hair. Bleach.dye.bleach.dye every two weeks.

Dye is not enough on it's own. It just washes straight off. I have tried every brand there is and I just am so bored with the whole malarky.

I have short hair so could be done by May. I have inherited the silver gene from both my parents who both went gray prematurely (in their twenties) and have had grey hairs since my teens. Now I have a pure white halo around 3/4's of my hairline and is is noticeable even days after double processing.

I really like salt and pepper hair -have no problem with it and think it looks better than a dye job any day but it's the growing out phase that is excruciating.

Anyone care to join/have a good old moan/support/offer some tips etc?

No way. Looks so old

As others have said, your skin tone changes as well as your hair so 9 times out of 10 your own colour is more flattering

I've never understood this argument. Your skin and hair tone changes because nature has given up on you as being useful - it doesn't need to put any effort into making you attractive to a mate. Now, obviously, we can all look beyond that etc but the idea that grey hair will suit you or be more flattering doesn't make any sense to me. And, yes, I agree there's still quite a bit of effort needed to make grey hair look good.

The point is that your skin and hair colouring normally complement each other. So if your skin tone changes (as generally it does when you get older) then trying to recreate your old hair colour won't work unless you can also find a way to change your skin colouring back to what it was. Ok you may decide that anything looks better than being grey but personally I don't agree. I think that covering it up, unless it's done really, really well, looks kind of desperate. Yes, of course grey hair needs attention, as does any hair.

Mind you, I do agree that a lot of women with grey hair don't look good, I just don't think it's their hair colour that's the problem. I think they look rough because their hair is badly cut and in poor condition and because they are wearing unflattering clothes. In short, because they have given up.

I agree Floisme.

I have grey hair (good cut and condition). I am also tall and slim with good skin and nails and IMO stylish clothes. I'd like to think the overall impression is that I have not given up!

How does that argument about nature having given up on you being useful, presumably as breeding stock , when you go white in your teens or early twenties? Then go on to have DCs?
Anyway, if white hair is so unappealing, how come so many young women go to great lengths to get platinum white/blonde hair ?

But most people aren't grey in their teens and twenties though. I'm not sure everyone's faded skin tone and hair do go on to complement each tbh, not everyone suits light coloured hair.

In a society where grey hair on women is considered to be a sign of dowdiness and poor grooming, it logically follows that most of the women with grey hair will be those who don't care about looking dowdy or ungroomed, surely?

I'm really glad that people are beginning to recognise the misogyny that underlies this societal pressure on women to commit a sizeable amount of our (still 15% lower) income per month to pursuing an unrealistic, expensive and ultimately unachievable illusion of peak fertility.

By all means, women should dye their hair if they like the way it looks, and if they are content to lock themselves into an expensive cycle of maintenance which is difficult to break out of. However, I really dislike the fact that we tend to defend dyeing in negative rather than positive terms - not "I like the way it looks", but "the alternative is ugly/ageing/scruffy." Not only does that way of thinking imply a lack of choice (because one "choice" is unacceptable), but it also implicitly criticises women who don't fall into line.

I'm sad about the fact that my hair is prematurely greying, as it's currently a really lovely and unusual shade of brown which compliments my olive skin and dark eyes and strong eyebrows. However, I baulk at the commitment of dyeing it. Plus, I know I wouldn't be able to make it look the same with dye, and I can't justify the cost of lowlights and highlights to blend the grey for 40 years. I would also prefer to let it go grey while I'm still young enough to make it a "statement" rather than trying to grow out a stripe when I'm older, since we live in a society where only the young are permitted to do unconventional things to their appearance without meeting with too much judgment and hostility.

Anyway, as I said before, I think I'll look and feel better if I save up even a quarter of the money I'd otherwise spend on dye jobs and spend it on scientifically proven skin treatments and/or slightly better clothes instead .

Great post, Ladyvetinari yes, a lot of it is deeply misogynistic.

I also meant to say that, for some women, it's not about 'giving up' - they just don't care and why should they? I was thinking more of those women (and I know quite a few) who don't think looking good and having fun with fashion is for them any more and it's simply because of their age.

Anway here's someone who, I'm sure we can all agree, should have stepped away from the hair dye
blogs.coventrytelegraph.net/passtheremote/sir%20paul%20mccartney%20feb%202012.jpg

Thanks, Floisme - I was thinking about your observation that society is "terrified of older women" when I wrote it . I think you're right about that, but I don't understand why some countries (e.g. Italy, France, parts of Scandinavia) seem to have developed much more progressive attitudes despite the fact that the forces of biology and historical patriarchy affect their cultures too. Do you have any ideas?

I'd love to believe that I'll be able to opt out of feeling the pressure to be attractive one day, like the women you describe. I don't think it will happen because it was made into such a big deal throughout my upbringing, but I guess the next-best thing for most of us is just recognising the pressure for what it is...

That photo made me laugh .

That link should have come with a 'distressing content' warning

I don't really have an answer to that, Ladyvetinari except that maybe we've embraced the whole youth culture thing far more in Britain and so fear age more as a result? I don't know about opting out of the pressure - I'm still very interested in how I look (as you've probably gathered!) but one advantage of getting older is that I've let go of all that stuff about being pretty and now I concentrate on trying to look stylish which is much more fun!

Apologies by the way to younger posters who are also going grey - however a lot of the stigma is because of the association with age (as some have said) so I think this is still relevant.

Hmm - I've never thought of it that way, but you're probably onto something there, Floisme.

I agree with you that the age-based stigma is just as relevant to those of us with premature grey, BTW - my DM says that my mallen streak is "nice at the moment because you're young" but in the next sentence will say "BUT WHY DO YOU WANT TO LOOK OLLLLLLD BEFORE YOUR TIIIIIIIIME?" (She also reassures me regularly that she'll tell me when it looks crap, even though I've emphatically asked her not to.) I have also had a colleague of my own age (then about 20) tell me that I should dye it as it's "very aging." Oh, and whenever I go out with DH to a local music venue, the bouncer lets me (23 y/o gothy Arts student in silly clothes, no wrinkles, with dark hair apart from stripe at the front) in without ID, and then immediately asks DH (26, legal profession, very sensible looking) for proof of age . It feels like he notices my hair and then doesn't look at the rest of me - I get the impression that it's something lots of people automatically do, which reinforces the "grey hair = old" association.

I also agree that it must be a lot more fulfilling to focus on looking stylish, rather than conventionally pretty. I noticed a real difference in how I felt about myself when I stopped trying to fit in with the rest of my cohort at university (for the sake of looking neutral so that lecturers would associate me with my work rather than my clothes), and just went back to wearing all the goth stuff I'd enjoyed throughout my teens. It may not be as "pretty", but it makes me feel a lot more comfortable in myself and it's FUN! For me, letting my hair go grey is pretty much the same thing - if I don't then I'll constantly be worrying that people are noticing my regrowth or patchy bits (which would make me feel vulnerable and not in control), whereas the grey strands oddly make me feel more secure as they seem... deliberate, and a teensy bit of a "fuck you, misogyny" statement

I started to revert to my natural hair colour when there was a previous thread about this about a year ago. I'd been home-highlighting my hair for years and was far too blonde for my skin tone. My hair is now a pleasing mixture of dark blonde and grey-white and I love it! I keep it well-groomed and wear slightly brighter lipstick.

I feel liberated with my decision to go grey!

But can someone pleae explain why white or silver are intrinsically less attractive colours than brown, black etc?
I mean take clothing, a white wedding dress is considered more appealing than a brown one. Snow is more beautiful than mud, no?

www.google.co.uk/search?q=white+hair&client=safari&hl=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=oErZUoeFNqiw7QbshoHIDg&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAA&biw=768&bih=928

becuase its associated with age?

Exactly. Women with grey/white hair = old, and construed in our society as 'past it'

I'm nearly 49 (the grey stripe is visible in my party dress picture)
but I don't think I've let myself go
I just don't think I need to lie about my hair colour

the sooner more women were more assertive at work and went grey - like their male counterparts
they would be treated with the gravitas that the men are

So why is that not the case for men?

Not everyone turns grey as they age and others do by smaller degrees. Depending on your genetics it can happen at any age when you reach adulthood.

I think it can look most ethereal personally. I like all the variation I see too from the pure platinum, to steel all the way to sable grey. It's just a mindset really isn't it?

It reflects the inherent sexism in our society.

Man with grey hair = mature, wise, guru
Woman with grey hare = old, past it

My Mum wasted years dyeing her beautiful pearl grey hair, well, beige. It never suited her dyed. She has olive skin and had jet black hair when younger that turned white early on and it is such a shame as it's only now she can see how beautiful it is.

What is strange is my father has pure white hair and refused to dye his ever but never discouraged my mother from dyeing. He was actually incredibly proud of his platinum thick wavy hair. It was part of his Irish family heritage and it seemed to celebrated amongst them. My Nan worked a very 1950's look with her naturally platinum hair until her eighties.

People now compliment my Mum all the time on how wonderful her hair is and she constantly gets the- if mine was your colour speech. She now says that you will get the colour that is perfect for you and you know - she's right.

As for ageing, her skin looks far more youthful than it ever did with beige hair. She wears brighter colours now and looks fantastic and she says she regrets her dyeing years particularly since developing Non-Hodgkins,which has been linked to repeated hair dye use. She just says that it was expected of her generation to dye and she never knew the risks.

I am wondering why I have been mindlessly doing this despite seeing grey hair as lovely at any age.

I feel past it when i look old

Past what exactly?

You know what? I'm going to do it! And post photos after wards! I'm almost there except for a dip when I used a semi permanent but actually it's silly to feel like we need to stay grey free to be viable.
You may need to remind me of my promise in the morning

Yes, the risks are hardly mentioned.
I've no expert knowledge to say whether cancer is a risk but I've certainly read in the papers of several young women dying from anaphylactic shock from using hair dye, two had even carried out the so called safety patch test.
Speaking as someone who has a severe allergy, to something else, serious enough to have landed me in hospital on a ventilator more than once & meaning I have to carry an Epipen constantly,it isn't something to toy with lightly by using something that's really just down to vanity.