The Crepe Papers

[motherinferior]

Did it!

QQ - exactly the same sort of thing happened to me and another about a year ago, with the result (also a bit because of a small expatriate community) that we were excluded from meet-ups, girls nights out etc. The worst thing about this was/is that instead of pulling certain individuals up on bad behaviour, the majority have just gone along with it for a quiet life. Stepping-up seems to do you no favours socially.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you - what is the most disillusioning is that women our age can behave like teenagers. It is interesting that I hadn't encountered anything like this for about 20 years and then suddenly .... I Wondered if it's menopause related or if this is just another excuse for bad behaviour. Anyway - suffice to say being able to chat away pleasantly with the Crepeys has pretty much saved my life.

On the Uni front - DD has just had a super offer from Bristol which is lower than expected and pretty much takes the pressure of the whole UCAS thing. Much relief all round.

Ooh it's so horrible, isn't it. When I said, all bravely, earlier that I'd pull people up on it, I may well not if it means social isolation from all my friends. But if it was just one circle, I'd probably be brave enough.

The worst sort is when the culprit does a series of tiny little manipulations, each of which are too small to point out without appearing petty, but as a whole add up to a total nasty move. Which it's then too late to get undone.

There always seems to be stories on mumsnet about hideous women being a 'Wendy', and getting away with it. It's just horrible.

Exactly that Herb's - little things which even you dismiss as in your head to start with - I'll be more savvy and trust my gut instinct in future.

This is horrible behaviour QQ, I can quite see why you are upset with the lot of them.

Hattie, that's great news about your dd, and must be such a relief. What does she want to study (if you want to say).

You are all lovely and I really appreciate all your kind words
I agree re the most hurtful aspect isn't the woman who has brought this about, whose behaviour doesn't really surprise me, but the people who I thought liked me who have gone along with it.
I'm glad I called her on it and it does feel slightly refreshing to be quite clear where we stand with each other as a result. I will inevitably see her socially and have no intention of making polite social conversation with her when I do.
But now I really feel I should properly tell friend A quite how upset I am and that I think she has let me down by going along with all this. I thought we were good friends and now it doesn't seem that we are .

I am not so self absorbed as to forget to say WELL DONE to Hatty's dd. Fantastic news!

Thank you QQ and Lalsy - she's applied for law.

It's such a shame that we're all so dispersed (except the London mob that is) - otherwise we could all offload over a coffee (or something stronger).

Hatty congrats to DD and yy to 'if only we were nearer' - could have done with some crepey company last night....

QQ sorry you're at the sharp end: sounds nasty. Amazing how much you can be hurt by something so intangible.

I think there's often a fair bit of covert intimidation in such manoevres. The disloyal and spineless may be afraid of getting on the wrong side of B, without being able to put their finger on why. No excuse, though. Well done for smacking it out in the open.

Here's to good offers all round for the university hopefuls

Congrats to Hattys DD and fingers crossed for all the others.

QQ, is your "friend" B mad? Well clearly she doesn't want you to join her discussion group because you would wipe the floor with her intellectually. What a cow. And what wimps not to say owt to her. You're better off without them - not true friends.

It is not at all consoling at all when I look at the hassle DD is having at school at the moment, to think that this is happening to intelligent, funny, etc, etc women of our age - HAVENT THEY GROWN OUT OF IT YET???

I am all shopped out, having spent 6 hours in Bluewater. Still, much of the Christmas stuff is now got so I can forget about it again for a month or so!

Sympathies, QQ, and I would definitely be taking Friend A off my Christmas Card list. What price loyalty?

Well done Hattie Junior! Bristol is an excellent city, and a great university. Just need to get the offer results in the bag and find the money

I'm very envious of your day at Bluewater, BTM. I'm planning to take a day off and go there soon (although DH has threatened to tag along, which somewhat cramps my spending). Before I go, I need to dig out the boxes of Christmas presents I've already bought, as I have "form" for duplicate purchasing.

I also feel a party clothing purchase coming on, as I have a 40th Birthday party and a couple of Christmas events in the diary. Party frock, or sparkly top and trousers.....? I can't find anything I like, mainly because I don't actually know what I want.

QQ - good for you for calling her on it. There seem to be quite a few women about like this - the "Wendy." I got Wendied by someone I considered to be a really close friend a couple of years ago - defriended on FB. I asked her why, and she just said "We can still be friends in real life." I said I found her behaviour ignorant and hurtful. She didn't respond to my email so I deleted her phone and email details from my contacts. She sent me a couple of texts, which were obviously round robin ones sent to all. I responded with "Sorry - who is this?" And have had no contact since then. Her loss, not mine.

May I recommend Tiger most strongly for small Christmas gifts and their Belgian truffles at £3 a box and send a huge thank you to - was it Lalsy or Addle who recommended it?

Oh yes, Tiger. But there is not one at Bluewater - I will have to trek off somewhere else! More local shopping area, me thinks - minimeet-up with MI, perhaps?!

Oooh, we could have a 185 bus meet up, BTM!

I need taking in hand wrt Christmas as have done NOTHING.

My personal hurt recently was rather different - discovered someone I'd worked for disliked my work, my 'hippy personal style' and cited various incidents I'd actually forgotten. It was some months ago and you lot are the ONLY people I have told. I console myself with the fact I did always think he was a bit of a creep in a wannabeBranson style but in all honesty it still makes me v ashamed and tearful.

Hattie, how incredibly triffic for DD

Yes, Yes! Tis the one at the end of the 185 that I was thinking of

Come on MI, MrsS and I will take you in hand

It might have been me recommending Tiger (or at least endorsing someone else's recommendations). Last time I was there I bought a pencil sharpener for DS in the shape of a nose - you stick the pencil up the nostril to sharpen. Can't go wrong, really.

I've been perusing the websites for Crimbo outfits and have speculatively ordered this dress from Mango. It can always go back, said DH.

What is this Christmas of which you speak? [puts head back in sand].

What a lot of casual unkindness there is around.

Christmas? Christmas? What? When? How? Why?
Am consoling myself with bowl of total greek yoghurt, vanilla essence and crunchy peanut butter, food of the gods!
CV that dress is luverly and you have the legs for it if memory serves. Go for it.
Just back from family outing to see "Gravity" in 3D. Pretty amazing and much much better than I thought. X

DD1 has bought her first eyeliner...

I'm with the Christmas ignorers - no Christmas until December. Most grouchy because they've hung the Christmas lights in the town (although not switched them on yet). Ba Humbug!

AAAAGH.
I need your further words of wisdom and restraint ladies before I self destruct.

Emailed friend B to tell her how upset I was with her too, not just friend A, and that her actions hurt all the more for liking her very much and valuing her friendship.

Now have received awful self justifying preachy email in reply to mine from A. Reading it makes steam come out of my ears.

Do I draft deeply scathing reply or ignore ignore ignore (if I did reply that would be IT, as in whatever else she writes I will definitely ignore...)
Why isn't there a fecking handbook for all this crap? Perhaps I'll write one.

Did B send your email to A, QQ? I would ignore, delete and cut off all contact with the pair of them. Or reply, and add a PS "I can really recommend X for your facial hair problem" (and cc it to B).

I'm with Mrs S - it won't resolve itself now and it'll just upset you so ignore (better steer clear of the facial hair problem remark .

Any comments on facial hair would be a leeetle bit pot calling the kettle black or whatever the stupid expression is...

I don't know if A and B have been sending my emails to them to each other (god this is tiring) and I don't really care. If I'm honest I think I expected that they might and that my emails would very much sow the seeds of discord between them, for which I was not in the least bit sorry

I will at the very least sit on scathing pithy draft and see how I feel in the morning... it's sooo tempting but i think you're probably right to say ignore . It's quite good though the scathing rejoinder!