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Original poster

Please help me find a purple bridesmaid dress!

62 replies

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 02/06/2013 21:36

Ive been told it can be any shade of purple, on/ above the knee.

Main issue is that I am fat, (size 18), especially around the middle, I have no waist and cinching it in draws attention to that, so limited in terms of styles.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
Thurlow · 02/06/2013 21:51

Too cinchy?

This is fabulous!

And this is a dress I've had my eye on for a while in another colour, it's gorgeous - and a friend was at one of the Queen's garden parties the other week and at least 3 people were wearing it.

Do you know what style the bride is wearing?

Thurlow · 02/06/2013 21:53

Ooh, this and this are both really bridesmaidy.

Clargo55 · 02/06/2013 22:10

Think this coast one would look lovely, they also have 20% off everything for this week with promo code PAYWEEK20.

Or this from phase eight? Strong detail would draw the eye into a slimer silhouette.

Original poster
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 03/06/2013 01:42

Oooh thank you!

I am sending all these to the bride and asking her to veto any she hates, then will buy a few on the Internet and try, I may post up a few pics to get the mumsnet seal of approval too!

OP posts:
Original poster
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 03/06/2013 02:04

I found from my first few searches tonight the following:

From boden, though can't tell the colour, comes out different on my pc vs phone...

in pewter poppyfield

Also this one, though think style won't suit as is a cross over dress which is bad for the waist less. Bride however LOVES it (bugger)

Here

And from monsoon - though not sure about monsoon in general

Diana dress
This one is a good shape for me, covering tummy etc, but bride hates it which is weird as to me it fits with the style of her dress more. The colour if really that bright is a no go, but in some pics it's much more muted, so have ordered just in case.

Ophelia lace dress

bride is tall, slim and willowy, and beautiful so I think there are going to be problems persuading her that what looks good on her and her specific taste will look really bad on me :(

she's doing mix and match bridesmaids with then all having variants of purple... Except shes still vetoing lots and being alot more bridezilla than she's fondly imagining! Argh! I wouldn't mind looking foul on the day, except for all the photos will circulate publicly forever and will be incredibly upsetting for me. Bah humbug!

OP posts:
Lambzig · 03/06/2013 10:42

I don't think the boden ones are very nice.

Is your bride worried about being overshadowed?

MrsLettuce · 03/06/2013 11:48

This style, worn with a petticoat will give you a waist and vanish your tummy. Also here and this would be great if you cna wear a higher neckline. Sleeves

Original poster
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 03/06/2013 14:22

After multiple emails from her this morning, I think there is bridezilla by stealth going on!

She's set it up as 'any shade of purple, any style so bridesmaids get to wear what they look good in and are comfortable in'.... but it appears she actually wants a very specific colour and style, but won't come out and say that... Arghhhhhhh! It appears she wants to veto and critique every single option whilst still pretending it's a choice!

TBH am very surprised as she's not the kind of person to be like that, but she's handling it very badly doing this 'by slealth'. I would much prefer it if she was honest and said exactly what she wants, and that it's a specific colour & style and there is no choice - less room for upset that way. Grrrrr.

She has said no to all dresses except the two boden ones, one of which am not even going to try on as wont fit or suit.
She keeps saying she dislikes / hates/ no one else will be wearing similiar/ wrong colour / horrible style etc... But it's all pretty random and impossible to glean what on earth she does want - apart from to be in control that is!

I've ordered one boden one & two monsoon ones already but I don't even want to show them to her as I do t trust her much at the moment, suspect she's going to veto everything, even I'd I look nice in it & fits all her original requirements...

I feel like sending them back as soon as I get them and refusing to engage in this ridiculousness! Will ask her to find the dress she wants me to wear as its obviously alot more important than she's pretending. (throws up hands in frustration)

OP posts:
Original poster
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 03/06/2013 14:30

She vetoed the dress with bow/ twist on it, vetoed one for the sash, vetoed loads for the colour, being too purple, not purple enough, too dark, too light. No patterns and no strapless, said she likes lace but when shown one with lace veried that! vetoed one for having a metallic sparking decoration on it, but liked another with exactly the same one on it - arrrgghhh!!!

It's hard to be sympathetic when I know there are v few dresses that will even fit and it was all dressed up with loads of fake concern about me... Need to stop being cross as will accomplish nothing...

OP posts:
Thurlow · 03/06/2013 14:32

Blimey! Well, yes, if I were you I would say that you found a good dozen or so dresses that fit her description and cover a huge range of colours and styles, so if not one of them is suitable she really needs to be specific and tell you what colour and style she wants.

Thurlow · 03/06/2013 14:36

Also, I know how you feel. I was the sole bridesmaid for one friend and she said right at the start that I should just find a nice dress in a very broad range of colours. She said she didn't want anything too typically bridesmaidy, in fact she made a big point about how as it was only me it was great that we could get almost any dress. I spent ages looking for dresses and sending her suggestions. Eventually she sent me a link to the most traditional bridesmaid's dress ever and said that was what she had in mind.

Obviously it's not something you can or should ever complain about because it is there wedding, and it's just a lovely thing to be asked to be bridesmaid anyway - but that doesn't stop it from being frustrating when you've been asked to find the dress yourself and it turns out that have something very specific in mind!

inneedofrain · 03/06/2013 14:39

Love therlow´s second one, I´d buy it but for the lact of event to wear it too.

All seriousness op, I think the bride it being quite unpleasant about this, ever pick and style of don´t. That said, I do have a suggestion, and gives everyone the best of both worlds.

What about infinety dresses? Bride can pick the colour and Bridesmaids can all style it according to what suits them! There are some stunning ones avaliable on the likes of etse (sp) made from chifon etc. I know a lot of brides that are no doing this, as all the bridesmaids match, but can also look totally different?

After all, who in the right mind wants brides maids looking not 100% their best in their photographs, these days?

I do however, just want to back LadyV up, a 50´s style with full petti coat does give everyone a waist.

Nehru · 03/06/2013 14:41

YOU POOR POOR THING

Nehru · 03/06/2013 14:42

infinity? you mean?

inneedofrain · 03/06/2013 14:55

Yes infinity

I am having a very bad word / spelling day today. Sorry everyone, I can´t help it, its not on purpose. Its frustrating and unfortunatley the result of some brain damage

Lambzig · 03/06/2013 14:55

Gosh, poor you, how utterly unreasonable. Also, lots of dresses of almost the same colour, almost the same style are going to look awful. That idea only works if you have very different styles and shades.

It seems that the boden ones are almost casual, the sort of thing you might wear with flip flops. Is it that she doesn't want you 'dressed up'? Purple is not a colour that works with casual IMHO.

Nehru · 03/06/2013 14:56

i apologise.

NanetteCarter · 03/06/2013 17:32

Why doesn't the bride choose a selection of colours and styles from www.courtesan-boutique.co.uk/index.htmln

All would then be similar and complimentary while suiting each bridesmaid!

MrsLettuce · 03/06/2013 18:08

Now, that is a damned good plan, some of their dresses are stunning and there's a fantastic choice of colours. Try and get her to order some swatches.

I've admired thsi from afar for quite some time Couldn't say which colour I'd like it in best!

inneedofrain · 03/06/2013 18:50

Mrs Lettuce

that dress is gorgeous!

Original poster
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 03/06/2013 21:24

That is a beautiful dress!

I am doing nothing more til I've seen what I've ordered and got a sense of what might suit me from having tried a few. If her fav boden dress doesn't fit then I am throwing it back on her to find what she wants. Not ok to keep me doing all the work then nay saying everything but not giving me better directions!

With the sites that give u a colour & u choose diff styles... I showed her one but she just came back with a critique of the individual styles on the page I'd shown her... So unless she specifies exactly what style she's happy with, then that kind if thing is a nightmare encapsulated!!!

Maybe she's being like this as its all getting too stressful but honestly, I just want to avoid her and will do anything to get away from this weird dynamic of me trying to please her and her knocking me down whilst pretending ages being oh so flexible and kind! Grrrrr!

OP posts:
Original poster
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 04/06/2013 23:22

Hello there, bride finally showed me what the other bridesmaid is liking... Which Bride also likes. She hadn't shown me as other bridesmaid is pregnant & keeping it a secret.

Helpful though! I think she hates anything vintage 40s/50s which is a bit tricky, and the one she likes best is a Grecian flowing number (note floor length after sending me off to find knee length!). The other one I just can't do anything like it as is a waisted girls look here

flowing maternity gown

I've suggested that the flowing one would be alot easier to match/ coordinate with, but slightly worried there ll be comments like 'oh two pregnant bridesmaids' as my stomach is such an issue (& I desperately want to be able to have another child too but can't).

I've suggested the following to vaguely match in style from the website someone posted yesterday:

www.courtesan-boutique.co.uk/bridesmaid_dresses.html

Vintage dream I think short version wud be more flattering than long for me, less 'big all the way down' - but worried she's changed her mind to want a long one now!)

Honey
Vintage dame
Sweet pea with sleeves

OP posts:
SundaySimmons · 04/06/2013 23:41

A wedding should be a happy time for all involved. I'm sorry but you must have the patience of a saint as I would have chosen three outfits, shown her and if she turned her nose up then I would have said that she either finds something that I would agree to wear or she finds another bridesmaid.

I get the feeling she is being deliberately awkward for some unknown reason. Do you think she wants to exasperate you to the extent where you will pull out? It certainly doesn't come across that she wants you to be happy avout your outfit and enjoy the special day feeling comfortable.

Sorry if I've spoken out of turn but why should you be going to all this bother and getting worked up and anxious when its not even your bloody wedding?