Please help me find a purple bridesmaid dress!

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Ive been told it can be any shade of purple, on/ above the knee.

Main issue is that I am fat, (size 18), especially around the middle, I have no waist and cinching it in draws attention to that, so limited in terms of styles.

Any ideas?

I've suggested that the flowing one would be alot easier to match/ coordinate with, but slightly worried there ll be comments like 'oh two pregnant bridesmaids' as my stomach is such an issue (& I desperately want to be able to have another child too but can't).

Have you told her this^?

MrsLettuce yes but she just didn't reply to it...

I wrote to her and said I'd be happy as a guest if it was just too difficult to combine finding a dress that she likes and my difficult body shape, and she replied a whole load of gumph about how I shouldn't be self depreciating ... Errr, not quite the point

Anyway I am trying not to contact her directly as voice may give away the not quite saintliness level of my patience! I will get over it given time but I am quite upset at massive bridezilla horridness.

I don't think there is any specific bitchiness being aimed at me, she's never organised anything before or managed anyone, and isnt naturally talented in that direction! So i suspect its all getting on top of her and being very rigid and controlling is one way of reacting. Shes also not very self aware so can be rather self deluded, hence the 'I'm being lovely and thoughtful but actually behaving rather differently. I've noticed it before more when we were both younger, but had forgotten til this. But everyone has faults or we wouldnt be human, weddings bring out the worst in everyone, and I am absolutely not perfect - I just need to keep reminding myself of that and try and ride through it as best I can. I want a friend left at the end of this :)

Both monsoon dresses arrived and Both look nice dammit! Obviously these are already vetoed, am tempted to hang onto one as a fall back but worried about losing my money on it.

I think it's outrageous that you are vending over backwards to accommodate her wishes and she can't be more honest or forthcoming with you.

Tell her straight, "I'm sorry but I have selected umpteen different dresses that I am prepared to wear but you haven't liked, so what so you suggest now as I have exhausted all online and high street shops".

Put the ball back in her court and give your own stipulations about what you would wear, e.g nothing strapless etc

Having read your last post again if it were me I would read between the lines that she asked me to be bridesmaid just to be polite but doesn't actually want me. You asked her directly about being a guest and she appeared to give you a load of flim flam rather than strongly insist that you must be one of her bridesmaids.

Buy the dress that you think meets her criteria and that you feel comfortable and happy wearing, if she doesn't like it then go as a guest as you can't do any more to please someone who doesn't seem that keen on our being a bridesmaid anyway.

Sorry for sounding harsh.

Oh and by the way, you don't have a difficult body shape. We all have short legs, long legs, fat tummies, sticking out ribs, no hips, wide hips, broad shoulders, narrow shoulda, large chest, flat chest etc etc

We come in all different shapes and sizes and you mustn't be apologetic to anyone for your figure. It's all about wearing clothes that suit us, not apologising for not being able to wear certain styles.

Stands down from soap box!

Sunday, that's a bit extreme - the bride isn't very decisive or communicative, and somehow that becomes her not wanting the OP as a bridesmaid?

Could you say you'll try and match the colours and shape but not the length? Quite a few bridesmaids end up wearing something they're not particularly fond of, but you shouldn't have to wear something that you absolute hate.

I apologise if my previous remarks were insensitive or just down right rude!

I would hate to be treated this way and feel that you are being unfairly put upon.

As I've got older I've become less accepting of anyone treating me badly and as a result I'm probably overly crabby at times.

Hope you understand that I didn't want to upset you. X

Just a word of advice as someone who ordered that very Courtesan dress for her brother's wedding.

Don't.

Oh nooo, just realised the timings won't work to buy from the Courtesan Boutique :(

Her wedding is in August and they need 8-12 weeks to make them

Anyone know of a dress that looks similar to
this?

Btw she replied and said she doesn't really like it (ffs!) but as its a close match to the one she does like I'm now ignoring her ridiculousness. She liked this better which is noticeably more plain, ffs. Don't know what's going on with her.

The she liked isn't very bridesmaid looking and is far too short in my opinion.

And I do think that was a bit upsetting to say you don't think she wants me as a bridesmaid :(

Her response to me saying I don't have to be one was wushu washy in that she obviously doesn't have any intention of being less difficult about the dress but was clear she wants me as a bridesmaid. She just wants me on her terms and looking uncomfortable :(

www.ifitdress.com/p/romantic-v-neck-sleeveless-zipper-chiffon-pleated-bridesmaid-dresses-20108/royal-purple.html

www.ifitdress.com/p/romantic-queen-elizabeth-short-sleeve-chiffon-ruching-cocktail-dresses-20233/dark-purple.html

www.ifitdress.com/p/hawaiian-a-line-sleeveless-zipper-knee-length-bridesmaid-dresses-22962/periwinkle.html

I am sorry that I upset you and I will not say anything more about your friendship with this person. X

I hope you can find a dress that you like and feel comfortable in, but at least for a large part of the day and evening you will be sitting down so won't feel so self conscious if you don't feel all that great in the dress you end up having.

Oh Bunny! We're you the person who had the Babycakes dress for her brother's Scottish wedding?

I've hammered after several dresses from there since.

Why wouldn't you order from there now? :(

Hammered = hankered

Damon you autocorrect!

I lust after that Babycakes dress!

Wasn't you that upset me, im a tad sensitive about it all, unsurprisingly given the situation. I know you didn't intend to.

This isn't very dressy but I presume you would have flowers and jewellery etc

www.johnlewis.com/east-ena-jersey-dress/p398293?colour=Purple

I like this one

www.purplebridesmaid.co.uk/12077

I've selected knee length and a shorter delivery time and it comes in at £99.

You give your measurements to them.

I forgot to say that the dress comes in an assortment of purple shades so there is bound to be a purple shade that meets with approval!

Well she now hates me and Ive lost a friend. Am devastated.

Oh, double, what's happened?

Oh no! Whyyyy?
I was just about to suggest an awesome bridesmaid option:
Vivien of Holloway
They do some beautiful 1950s style dresses that look super classy. I dressed my three bridesmaids in, one size 8, one size 14, one size 18, and all looked awesome.
But that is a moot point if it's all gone wrong - surely she doesn't really hate you!? She is sounding like a very unreasonable lady... You've been trying to work out the best way to make her happy whilst not feeling awful yourself in the process, what's up with that?

The carried on being like I'd shared previously and now aparently she wants the bridesmaids to wear the same, and i just teached my limit as she is acting like im si awkward and rubbish.

I got really upset so told her so relatively gently and she came straight back with how horrible I'm being, how I shouldn't have bought the first dresses and how shit I am being, ph and also that she wants to buy the dresses abd i shoyld know that (err, how exactly?) so after crying alot last night and sleeping on it I wrote back today and was v v nice but also honest and said sure there is fault on both sides, lots of mixed commubication etc but i can't do this guessinh game anymore and please please just tell me what u want & I'll do it. Also suggested that there is nothing wrong with just telling people what she wants as of she makes it sound all flexible then people (me) will take it at face value.

So she writes back and cancels coming over tonight and told me its all my fault and no sorry you're upset or anything just more recriminations about how wrong I was to buy anything without her express permission.

I'm so upset, I know it's just a sodding dress, and everyone goes crazy at weddings, but I really really hurt and I think I just lost my best friend that I've been friends with for 15 yrs.

I want to just pull out of everything and bow out without any more words being said, but I desperately don't want to loose one of my only friends. I became disabled a few years ago and I lost most of my friends as I became too much effort / no fun, have awful parents abd my sister died, dh left me, so im v alone and pretty unloveable. but she was always there for me and I care so much about her, she always made it clear i was allot of effort, and emotional drain but at least she stuvk by me and i thoughy she really except I think I've relied on her too much and now I think that's it, cos it really hurts and she obviously doesn't give a shot how much I've tried to be supportive and just done everything wrong.

You poor thing!
Look, I can tell you one thing, having just got married two months ago, and seriously fallen out with one of my best friends in the process (a tale for another time!), weddings do make people a little crazy. Sometimes a lot crazy. It can stir up a lot of unwelcome emotions on all sides, and it can be really hard to feel like your own feelings are being heard by the other party.
I expect that she will find it very hard to come down from the high horse that she has climbed up upon (rightly or wrongly!) because to her it is her big day and pretty much everyone should bow down to her way of thinking and do what she wants. This is classic modern bridezilla, where, as you say, she starts out intending to be flexible, but then soon realises that she wants to have more control, but cannot confess to herself that this is the case.
At the moment she has bride tunnel vision, and thinks that you have behaved badly by going and buying a dress she hadn't approved and being awkward about wearing what she (as a beanpole) thinks is a lovely dress. We know that you have done only what you thought she wanted! So don't beat yourself up
I reckon you have three choices:

1. Feel horribly aggrieved, knowing that she has behaved unreasonably, ignore the issue, and her, and wait for her to apologise. This may never happen, and you may miss the whole wedding.
2. Feel horribly aggrieved, knowing that she has behaved unreasonably, but be the bigger person. Call her and say that you've been feeling very stressed about the whole thing, but that you don't want to fall out. Tell her that you are in her hands and will wear whatever she wants you to wear.
3. Feel horribly aggrieved, knowing that she has behaved unreasonably, but be the bigger person. Call her and explain that you thought you were expected to pick and buy your own dress, and didn't realise that she had something specific in mind. Confess that you are having some body image and confidence issues, and the dress that she has chosen and kindly offered to pay for is not one that you can wear. Make it very clear that if you not wearing that dress will cause her wedding not to be the day that she wants, then you would much rather step down as a bridesmaid and be there for her on the day as a friend wearing an outfit that makes you feel your best. I'd personally go for 3. Hopefully she's the friend you think she is, in which case if you are honest with her she will realise that she has behaved badly. Good luck!