You can point and laugh, it's fine. I did at first. It's the sort of dress that had I spied it in a public place, I'd be looking round for the rest of the Bet Lynch Appreciation Society. It's not that it's animal print. It's not that it's animal print and heavy on the cleavage. It's that it's animal print, heavy on the cleavage and made from the class of shiny polyester which makes naked flames a total no no and increases the chance of stray balloons clinging unbidden to your amble, barely concealed bosom from 'zero' to 'where the fuck did Bet Lynch go to all of a sudden?'
Somebody bought it (not sure entirely what possessed them) but it didn't fit. They gave it to my Mum and suggested she give it to me. My Mum handed it over to me with an apologetic look. I thought her hrt adjustment had gone horribly wrong at first and she'd skinned her cat BUT the thing is, her opening gambit was 'I think you can pull it off actually'.
I have few clothes that fit atm. I've changed shape a lot since having dc2 and do more resistance training than I did, combined with a lot of running. I'm a good size 8 now and my pre-ds small 10s are too big. I have four weddings to go to, crossover of guests high as it's family and/or school friends. I own one dress. And now this dead cat thing. I liked the idea of not wearing the same dress to all of the weddings. So I tried the skinned animal on.
Yes it's shiny, yes it looks like a pagan sacrifice to the God of Skinned Animals, yes Bet Lynch would sell her wig to own it but it is very, very flattering. I have a good figure (it's taken a long time for me to get to a point where I can say that). I have good legs and bum and a nice chest. It highlights the good bits and my post cs stomach which is okay but never, ever going to be perfect is concealed well. And my Mum was saying things about making it boho/African inspired instead of 'do you want pork scratchings with that?'
To be clear, I'm more your patchwork, muddy festival, swishy hippy skirt and home knitted hat type. So can I make this dress something other than what it is because I look okay in it and during the day I could do something with a long, chunky scarf, a cardie and my Dr Marten's and I'd be comfy. But I have to attend a wedding without offending other people, without being asked for a stout and a hotpot and without getting too intimate with some balloons.
So, footwear? Boots maybe? Would that work? I have some nice sort of ethnic earrings, wooden. What about a big necklace? I've seen some that have like a big disc type affair. Could that work?
Is it all pointless?
Dress is here but bear in mind I'm v short and therefore it's over my knee by an inch or two so looks a bit different to that gazelle of a model.