Somebody's given me a dress which nobody in their right mind would wear. Come and point and laugh but also HELP.

[ShowOfHands]

You can point and laugh, it's fine. I did at first. It's the sort of dress that had I spied it in a public place, I'd be looking round for the rest of the Bet Lynch Appreciation Society. It's not that it's animal print. It's not that it's animal print and heavy on the cleavage. It's that it's animal print, heavy on the cleavage and made from the class of shiny polyester which makes naked flames a total no no and increases the chance of stray balloons clinging unbidden to your amble, barely concealed bosom from 'zero' to 'where the fuck did Bet Lynch go to all of a sudden?'

Somebody bought it (not sure entirely what possessed them) but it didn't fit. They gave it to my Mum and suggested she give it to me. My Mum handed it over to me with an apologetic look. I thought her hrt adjustment had gone horribly wrong at first and she'd skinned her cat BUT the thing is, her opening gambit was 'I think you can pull it off actually'.

I have few clothes that fit atm. I've changed shape a lot since having dc2 and do more resistance training than I did, combined with a lot of running. I'm a good size 8 now and my pre-ds small 10s are too big. I have four weddings to go to, crossover of guests high as it's family and/or school friends. I own one dress. And now this dead cat thing. I liked the idea of not wearing the same dress to all of the weddings. So I tried the skinned animal on.

Yes it's shiny, yes it looks like a pagan sacrifice to the God of Skinned Animals, yes Bet Lynch would sell her wig to own it but it is very, very flattering. I have a good figure (it's taken a long time for me to get to a point where I can say that). I have good legs and bum and a nice chest. It highlights the good bits and my post cs stomach which is okay but never, ever going to be perfect is concealed well. And my Mum was saying things about making it boho/African inspired instead of 'do you want pork scratchings with that?'

To be clear, I'm more your patchwork, muddy festival, swishy hippy skirt and home knitted hat type. So can I make this dress something other than what it is because I look okay in it and during the day I could do something with a long, chunky scarf, a cardie and my Dr Marten's and I'd be comfy. But I have to attend a wedding without offending other people, without being asked for a stout and a hotpot and without getting too intimate with some balloons.

So, footwear? Boots maybe? Would that work? I have some nice sort of ethnic earrings, wooden. What about a big necklace? I've seen some that have like a big disc type affair. Could that work?

Is it all pointless?

Dress is here but bear in mind I'm v short and therefore it's over my knee by an inch or two so looks a bit different to that gazelle of a model.

Will anything from Nomads do you if you can't wean yourself off the patchwork?

Ah it's fine, just wear it and to the snobby anti wild animal poo pooers!!

is that a giraffe face

Black wrap and its nothing I haven't seen a million times

At least the MN scarf would match it- sort of

I'm sorry but Kim Kardashian rang she wants her dress back

Could you stich up the front bit to give you less cleavage

Indith, is ds2 okay?

I LOVE Nomads. I own quite a lot of Nomads stuff. If I were to buy clothes they would be Nomads, Namaste, Gringo and I do have some Joe Browns stuff too. I make my own clothes a lot. I have no money at all atm.

I'm at this silly crossroads which is dull and first world. I have two children, won't be having more, my life has irrevocably altered and I'm done with certain things. I'm also learning to drive (long overdue) and it's having this weird effect on me. I spend money I don't have (£25ph), on a skill I don't enjoy and come home feeling dim and a bit lost. DH noticed the other day that when I go out for a lesson, I wrap myself in oversized comfort clothes (today it was massive wide leg linen trousers, big boots, massive pachamama grey/flowery cardigan, ridiculous crocheted hat and a v v v striped scarf I knitted as a student). But then I come back feeling frazzled and stupid because cars are ridiculous and roads are silly and I see this shapeless old bag in the mirror who is scrabbling around trying to find a new career because Cameron sold my old one for scrap, wondering what a 32yo mother of two wears when she doesn't care about fashion and staring at a skinned wolf of a dress wondering if it's a good thing or not. It isn't. I know this.

Indith, if money were no object, I'd be wearing Gudrun Sjoden type stuff. I reckon it would suit you too. Is your course starting soon? Are you ridiculously excited?

I will inspect the dress for animal faces later as I burn it on a sacrifical altar.

To answer a couple of other questions... puddle dress I still wear to death. It actually has a rip in the bottom. But it's a racer back jersey thing, not weddingy.

And the red teadress will not take in, it just wouldn't work.

Dye the animal one with polyester dye.

Nothing to lose.

You need an LBD (as a gentle reintroduction to flaunting yourself) and a sports car.

Job's a goodun.

The cleavage bit isn't like that btw. She's hoiked it down to show off her weird boobs. It's a lot more demure as a neckline.

I like this. Am I allowed to like this?

Taking the wedding outfits off the table - do you wear skinnies? Because I've got a couple of pairs I was going to charity shop which I'd be more than happy to send you.

I'd be great with a sports car. I could sit in it, picnic, listen to weird folk on the wireless, wear a headscarf and sunglasses, recline gracefully. I just can't drive it.

Little black dresses are dull. I like lots and lots of colours and patchwork and floaty, mirrored bits.

God I hope that doesn't offend you - just have been having wardrobe clear-out . . .

Do you want me to pretend I know what skinnies are?

You know skinny jeans and cords. Like leggings but not tie-dyed

You'll drive one. Pass that test and I assure you, you'll be zipping about galavanting like nobody's business. In fact, drive one NOW (legally, with supervision etc) and I promise it'll spur you on.

The LBD was the safe choice as I imagined you might require weaning away from Mumwear (whatever that is)

Take MrsC up on her jeans offer you bloody cows both of you.

You can't wear that thing, darling. I'm off to see what I have got in an 8 and send it to you.

I dont think that is wolf , i think its giraffe print...

You have found a cut and style of dress that is super flattering on you and you can now use that knowledge browsing ebay, charity shops and boot sales to bag a bargain!...Failing that raid your good friends wardrobes

You know your style, and you don't need to dress up as a "wedding guest". These wedding people know you, I assume, as they invited you to their weddings. They'd find it odd if you wear that frock.

What you need is a new frock. One you like tgat you can wear anywhere. Can you get one for mothers day? Ask the dh to buy one I mean. You can justify the expense as you have a need.

That Gudrun Sjoden is nice. You know what you like, you just can't have it because of money problems. And that makes you feel crap. That's ok. That's normal. Feeling good about yourself includes feeling good about what you wear.

Ds2 is fine, he just got all rattly. One shiny inhaler later and I have a new baby. Course starts on the 25th of this month and I am petrified about anything it is possible to be petrified about.

Are you still looking into doing it? I have a librarian friend who is unemployed at the moment. It is horrible. Sad thing is she had a job but her dh got a new job elsewhere that was supposed to be good things for his career so they moved. Now he is working away during the week and NOT where they moved to which he could perfectly well have done here and she is unemployed .

Anyhoo I am currently most definitely not a size 8. I gave up and charity shopped almost everything a while ago. I do however still have a lovely black silk dress. I know black is looked down upon for weddings but it is so very pretty and I've worn it to weddings. You are more than welcome to borrow it for your spring and summer of weddings and send it back after. I still have hope that I might one day wear it again! Otherwise I have a nice fatface blue dress, might be a bit big on you though, it is still just too tight for me, can't fit my bf norks in it. As above, you are welcome to borrow and return.

show - I second UUG - get one decent plain coloured dress (navy wrap?) and then accessorise it differently for each wedding.
People notice the accessories really

Lk Bennett wrap dresses on eBay are worth looking at - as long as you don't trash them, you can sell on for the same as you've paid for them (aim for no more than £20)

Wow that's bad!

Is it new? As in, just-bought-from-that-website -and-still-got-the-tags new?

If so, maybe you could swap it for something else?

This is called 'flounced' so has got to be an Official MN Dress

This is cute

Oh gosh indith, that's so close. It's exciting. I bet you are nervous. But after those first few exhausting days you'll be buzzing and thrilled to be getting on with it. You're going to be brillig. I'd love to do it but there are so many obstacles at the moment. I'd have to do an access course because despite having three degrees, I need more evidence of recent study. And it would be ££ and tiresome but worth it just about except for the fact that I have a sneaking suspicion that I would end up jacking it in. DH can do no childcare. He is about to do an MA himself (in coppering) and is in a different area of work entirely and it's all over the place. He's never here and I can't tell you where he'll be at any given time. We are on our knees financially as it is. All spare money goes into trying to patch up the cracks in our falling down house. I've decided I MUST learn to drive (££ again) and then a whole new world will open up to me. I can use childcare and look at career options. Only it has to fit in with schooling (no wraparound care here) and it's all so limited. I don't know.

Thank you for the offer of dress loans. I'm going to leave it all for now. First wedding's not for 8 weeks yet and I'm still exercising a lot (pounding the money/driving/house crap into the pavement at the end of the day) and might be a totally different shape by then. Might develop a cake habit and fit into some of my old stuff. I did remember last night that I have a brand new Joe Browns dress I bought in a charity shop. It's in the loft as I was about 8 months pg when I bought it and not sure it'd ever fit. I'm going to dig it out and see if it fits. Hang on and I'll try and find a picture somewhere... Good old ebay, I own this dress here and possibly in an 8, if not 10. I have a green linen, embroidered jacket which will go and some green velvet shoes. It might just be okay. And I've crocheted a nice cloche recently. I also got a brilliant hat for Christmas from MIL. It's sort of half bucket, half cloche, purple, beaded and crazy. Fuck it. I'm going as me.

I don't need clothes for mothering sunday. DD is cooking me roast beef and all the trimmings and making bread and butter pudding. All her plan. I'm going to watch Pride and Prejudice, eat lovely food and snuggle up on the sofa with the babies. In my hat.

One day I'll be one of them there Gudrun Sjoden types. For now it doesn't really matter. I've never really cared about clothes. I just feel a bit, I don't know, invisible? Nothing to do with clothes really.

Hey ho. Off to the library.

i liek it too

I wouldn't go ethnic with it, like some sort of safari Disney character. You need to tone down the print, not accentuate it. In cold weather black tights, black long boots and maybe a black vest/poloneck underneath if too chesty. Wedding is more difficult though although a black pashmina might tone it down a bit?