Somebody's given me a dress which nobody in their right mind would wear. Come and point and laugh but also HELP.

[ShowOfHands]

You can point and laugh, it's fine. I did at first. It's the sort of dress that had I spied it in a public place, I'd be looking round for the rest of the Bet Lynch Appreciation Society. It's not that it's animal print. It's not that it's animal print and heavy on the cleavage. It's that it's animal print, heavy on the cleavage and made from the class of shiny polyester which makes naked flames a total no no and increases the chance of stray balloons clinging unbidden to your amble, barely concealed bosom from 'zero' to 'where the fuck did Bet Lynch go to all of a sudden?'

Somebody bought it (not sure entirely what possessed them) but it didn't fit. They gave it to my Mum and suggested she give it to me. My Mum handed it over to me with an apologetic look. I thought her hrt adjustment had gone horribly wrong at first and she'd skinned her cat BUT the thing is, her opening gambit was 'I think you can pull it off actually'.

I have few clothes that fit atm. I've changed shape a lot since having dc2 and do more resistance training than I did, combined with a lot of running. I'm a good size 8 now and my pre-ds small 10s are too big. I have four weddings to go to, crossover of guests high as it's family and/or school friends. I own one dress. And now this dead cat thing. I liked the idea of not wearing the same dress to all of the weddings. So I tried the skinned animal on.

Yes it's shiny, yes it looks like a pagan sacrifice to the God of Skinned Animals, yes Bet Lynch would sell her wig to own it but it is very, very flattering. I have a good figure (it's taken a long time for me to get to a point where I can say that). I have good legs and bum and a nice chest. It highlights the good bits and my post cs stomach which is okay but never, ever going to be perfect is concealed well. And my Mum was saying things about making it boho/African inspired instead of 'do you want pork scratchings with that?'

To be clear, I'm more your patchwork, muddy festival, swishy hippy skirt and home knitted hat type. So can I make this dress something other than what it is because I look okay in it and during the day I could do something with a long, chunky scarf, a cardie and my Dr Marten's and I'd be comfy. But I have to attend a wedding without offending other people, without being asked for a stout and a hotpot and without getting too intimate with some balloons.

So, footwear? Boots maybe? Would that work? I have some nice sort of ethnic earrings, wooden. What about a big necklace? I've seen some that have like a big disc type affair. Could that work?

Is it all pointless?

Dress is here but bear in mind I'm v short and therefore it's over my knee by an inch or two so looks a bit different to that gazelle of a model.

I see your problem! But I can also see that the shape is probably very flattering. I must say, I would probably wear it! If you wear it knowing that it flatters your good figure, the look on your face and your body language from knowing you are well fit will overshadow the fabric. Just don't try to "cover it up", wear it with simple, understated shoes and as few accessories as possible.

It is nowhere near as bad as I was expecting! I think it it was cotton or jersey material you could easily turn it more hippyish using jewellery and such. The shinyness would be a problem though..erm...could you ebay it?

It's flattering because it's a wrap dress. Just search wrap dresses on eBay and wear with birkies.

Here.

If you look really closely there's a little bush baby type creature on the front about thigh level, so cuuute.

It's not as awful as your description made it sound! But is that a wolf at the bottom of it?

Now I think the ishoo here is with your new gorgeous figure, that this is the first well-fitting dress you've seen yourself in and it's like Cinderella going to the ball or Miss Moneypenny letting her hair down. Your new figure deserves a well-fitting dress, but this ain't it.

If you like wrap dresses and animal, this is nicer Wallis would look naice with grey accessories for a wedding?

one on Ebay

Another Ebay one

Ooh there's a vintage DvF one on there

Ok last one but you get the idea

Burning it would be too kind.

Oh don't go ethnic. You'd look like one of the backing singers from Tight Fit.

I think you go posh. Posh gold jewellery. Really nice high courts. Taupe pashmina. Wear what Kate Middleton would wear with it. Her look is posh and a bit dull. The dress is slightly tacky. Mix the two and you might get class.

Flat gold strappy sandals and minimal make up. Maybe some fine but big gold hoop earrings. I've seen worse

thing is you'll spend more in stuff to try to make it look nice than you would on a new dress that us actually nice and goes with stuff you already have.

No heels!

Deffo no heels. Espesh if you are, as I suspect, a comfy sandal kinda gal.

Every time I try and post, it disappears so sorry if this duplicates.

I'll look at links in a bit, need to cook.

To clear things up, I don't like animal print or wrap dresses really. I do not wear heels ever. I wear mainly patchwork, tiedye, cheesecloth, linen, hemp stuff. But it's all too big and ill fitting now. I'm not a 25yo quirky postgrad anymore. I see people looking. I know the other wedding guests will be storing up their AIBUs. I don't want to upset a bride by looking like I'm in fancy dress. I just don't know what I'm supposed to be wearing anymore.

Must cook.

I have just looked again, it's a bloody wolf fleece print

ShowofHands, your last post makes me think that you are not really saying "help, how can I wear this explosion in a plastic leopard factory" but "help, I have a killer body and goddammit should be working it, but everything in my wardrobe is too big or hippyish or both, and this dress that has been offloaded onto me is another guilt-obstacle between me and the style I want to have and YES! DESERVE, so please tell me to cast it aside AND tell me what I should be wearing to all these weddings?"

My initial answer is "something like that red tea dress you like so much, but are you sure it is as chic as you want to be these days?"

I thought it would be worse than it is. But saying that it is what it is.

I'd get your red dress altered and wear that to one of the weddings.

I don't think it would dye very well - polyester doesn't generally but could be worth a try.

I guess the dress is rather TOWIE and you're not. Now did you ever get the puddle dress and does that still fit?

Oh look polyester dye - worth a try?

some type of trouser, legging or slack?

No, showy.

just no.

That would be fab for a 'cave girl' costume. I worked with someone who had something very very similar.

so.... I'm the only person who actually likes the dress?

Honestly, this is what ebay is FOR. Can you sell the shiny animal to fund something more tasteful?

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to be wearing anymore."

Nor do I. I'm getting a bunch of my local MN lot to take me shopping and make me buy stuff because I don't have a clue! I currently own 2 pairs of jeans, both fall down. In a couple of weeks I'm going to have to be out of the house and around other people every day so I don't think my tactic of wearing pj bottoms at home and throwing the jeans on for the school run will cut it.

How does one grow up exactly?