Oh dear, I've just realised who I dress like :(

[mumat39]

Just watching Miranda and I love the program and the character and of course Miranda Hart.

But I don't have a clue about how to dress and I've just realised that I actually dress like Miranda. There was the scene of her at Henly and al the other ladies were in dresses and hats and she was there in black trousers and a plain ish top. She's more 'adventurous' as I'd probably not have even gone to henly and if I did I'd have been so self concious. I wouldn't have worn any colour either, probably just black trousers and an ill fitting black top.

I really don't like the way I dress as I'm sure I'd have more confidence if I could get it right, but I've just turned 44 and am slowly thinking that I am beyond help.

I've asked for help on here, and have been to see a personal shopper both in a dept store and hired a lady to come shopping with me but I am still clueless. In both cases they couldn't help me with much as I'm actually a bit of an odd shape and clothes just don't fit me. I'm a sort of hourglass/pear shape. Big boods (34G) size 14/16. Huge 27" thighs and massive calves that don't fit in boots.

I asked on here the other day for help with tops and had some good suggestions, but when I went into John Lewis to have a look I felt totally bamboozled and like a deer in headlights. I didn't know where to start looking so I just aimlessly wondered around so that my ds could have a run around and then came home. I must have spent a fortune on parking costs the number of times I've done this. I don't actually venture into shops for clothes shopping anymore as it's too depressing as I don't really like how I look and always feel inferior to the many stylish women I see everyday. I don't read magazines or things like that as they generally make me feel even more frumpy than I do anyway.

I've asked for help maybe 2 or 3 times on here before and there have always been some really lovely helpful replies. But I just can't seem to put these ideas into practice.

I guess I feel worse as I have to leave the house every morning for the school run.

I've also ordered loads of clothes from online places and mostly send them all back.

If I look on something like Style Adviser on Boden, then I hate the shape I see that is my shape and hate all the recommended clothes.

If I see something/anything in a shop or online I might look at it but then actually question whether it's nice or not. Mostly I haven't got a clue what I like on me. I know what sort of style I think I like if I see it on others, but the fact that I couldn't get away with it is quite depressing.

How am I supposed to reconcile and accept the shape I am and then how do I go about getting help to find clothes that I feel good in and can start feeling more confident and better about myself in.

What is wrong with me? Am I beyond help? Will I forever feel inferior and never break out of this constant confusion about how to better myself. Maybe I should post this in Mental Health.

Sorry for my long post. Just needed to talk to someone about this and I don't really have anyone to talk to apart from a DP who doesn't understand. :(

Not just you! Last two times I've been into John Lewis I haven't found a single thing I like :-( SO happy that you've found some lovely things to give you a boost though!

Thanks for all your help Brandnewbrighttomorrow :). I hope your well.

I'm really sorry for not updating you earlier yesterday. I was desperate to let you all know but just didn't find the time. Hope your toes have recovered from all that tapping.

xxxx

Glad to read your updates! Great that you sound positive, are meeting people and have done some shopping. Honestly you sound like the nicest person in the world.
How do you feel about nail varnish and make up. They tend to lift my spirits a bit.

Please, call me brandnew!

I'm relieved you didn't get inveigled into buying a heap of stuff that didn't suit you. Still up for a shopping trip if you're game?

Wow! I am so impressed with the JL lady not just "fobbing you off with something" to make a sale - that's really professional of her! Although frankly sounds as though there's little point if there's nothing in right now. Meh.

I understand about mental blocks and certain shops, see I would never venture in to Zara because they have a reputation of being for the tall and lean - and unless I spotted a hat through the window there would be nothing to drag me in. I have the same mental lock with Mango although I did go in at the weekend and some of the stuff looked "voluminous" - although highly flammable.

It's lovely to hear you sounding positive and upbeat about all this. I'm impressed with the JL shopper not just trying for a sale too.

Just wondered if you were any good with a sewing maching? Your shape as you describe yourself, sounds like skirts and tops or dresses would suit you. There are loads of dresses around at the moment, but lots have high necklines - not good with a bigger chest - and lots of the skirts are quite gathered around the waist - adds too much width. Could you make something that would suit your shape well?

. Fantastic! Give it a whirl. Should just say I went for a L. Leopard print is one thing, skin tight leopard perhaps another!!
My other recent discovery is the jersey shirt - warmer, more casual and a bit more forgiving of norks than the normal. Boden always do them and usually White Stuff. And you just create your own neckline by leaving buttons undone!
I have wondered about suggesting skirts. A nice flippy type skirt shows off the waist a bit and skims over everywhere else. AND IT SWISHES! I used to get them in Kew onlne but that doesn't exist anymore. Give them a try if you spot one! Or a straight knee length (Gap has nice cord ones). And I know boots are out (come to that in a minute) but how about wedge heel desert boots or shoe boots? Next I think is doing a lot this year. Or try Top Shop for ankle boots. And I think Oasis had some great Western style ones that I saw in someones blog but can't remember who. And they all have websites so us oldies don't have to go in ...

Boots - have you checked out Duo? Not cheap but Christmas is coming up ... And actually not as bad as you might expect for what is effectively made to measure. They do calf width fittings as well as foot size. I have a pair which I love - bit too office-y (bought just after DS was born when I hadn't quite adjusted) - but I do wear and they are now nearly 6 years old and immaculate.
Funny isn't it this thing with having had a long career before children, with money and identity. It was easy to dress then as you could follow a sort of uniform. When you have kids there is still a uniform but it seems to be dictated by late 20s, tall, slim, confident seeming, swishy haired types. If you aren't that, you have to find your own way - and that's much tougher. But the good news is ... it will come to them too and at a time when their kids don't love them unconditionally like ours do! And may even criticise their dress sense. At least 5 year olds know little about fashion! (although mine is a demon shopper - DH blames me, probably correctly - but he only comments on my clothes when I wear yellow, his favourite colour).

Sorry for late reply, mumat39. You should come and live round my way - there seems to be loads of us forty-somethings with very young children. (Perhaps something in the water??)

I understand exactly what you mean about it perhaps being a bit harder to 'get' motherhood when you've had years and years of work / money.

I feel truly blessed to have my children as I never thought I would be a mum and, as I said before, I wouldn't change it for the world. There are times though when I peer round the curtain of milky sick, projectile poo and toddlers saying 'why?' for the zillionth time and wonder where 'I' went.

Then I remember the days when I used to wake up at 3am worrying about the current project, fight fellow commuters for the last seat on the train and the general frustration I felt with the company I worked for but that's another story.

My dh has always been the main breadwinner and works very long hours, so day to day parenting was always going to be down to me. I have downsized my job and only work part time now, and it's incredibly refreshing to leave it all behind at 5pm and go back to the kids, although I need work to feel like 'me'. Our household income has dropped considerably but, seeing as it's impossible to have everything, this is a good compromise.

sonotkylie is so right about our professional identities being tied up with what we wear. Take away our professions and the clothes, and it's not surprising that sometimes we feel 'lost'.

This s&b board has been great for ideas. In fact, on the back of this very thread, I've ebayed loads of clothes, made nearly £200, and bought a gorgeous leather jacket on ebay for a mere £45. Hurrah!

Come back and keep us posted on the clothes you've been looking at

Hello again lovely ladies.

Sorry I've not been back for a while. My 5 year old DD has decided that she just doesn't want to sleep so she's been going to bed at about 10 most nights for the last few weeks which means I've not been getting my usual couple of hours of mumsnet time. She's a very inconsiderate child sometimes

She was in bed and asleep by 8 so I did a few jobs and here I am. I've nbeen thinking about all of you and your brilliant help, so thank you again.

I hope this finds you all well.

Born2bemild, I've never really worn make up. Went through a phase many years ago where I wore red lippy but that was about it. I have tried stuff before but never feel quite right in it, if that makes sense. And nail varnish is something I sometimes do to my toes sometimes in the summer when I'm feeling really adventurous. I know what ou mean abou uplifting as last year when I painted my toes they always cheered me up when I saw them :)

Brandnew, you've taught me a new word. I've never heard of inveigled before! The lady actually called me today asking if I could go in as she's put a few things by for me to try on, so I'm going on Thursday morning so I'm wondering what she's found for me. She's such a kind lady, as are you all.

I'd love to go shopping with you. Pm me some dates if you fancy it?

Dolomites, after you said about things being highly flammable, I just had a look at the top I bought from Zara, which is 100% polyester, so I'm wondering if that's the same. . I actually wore that top out that night and DD helped me tie a scarf on and then said I looked pretty in it. I think she was pleased with her scarf tying. I wore the same top yesterday and DS said it's not a nice top and DD then said it's not nice and that I should maybe give it to a charity shop. LOL. They said this at the end of the day after I'd worn it all day

Agatha, you've just reminded me that I need tio get myself booked onto and evening class. I'd love to be able to make my own clothes. I think I'd enjoy sewing so fingers crossed I can get onto an evening class soon.

SoNot Kylie, I haven't made it back to Zara yet, but am still going o find that jumper and give it a go. I'll also check out your other suggestions, ESP the boots from Duo. I did find some wide ones in next that actually fit my calves, so am kinda excited that other things might also work. Thanks again.
It's really tricky with clothes for 40somethings. I really don't know which shops I should be shopping in. I'm not a flowery/print type person, Zara leopard jumper aside and so many tops fall into those sorts of styles it's difficult. Your little fashionista/s sound lovely. my dd seems to be quite a girls girl which is lovely although I'm not sure whe she gets it from. And your DH sounds a million times more aware of things than my DP. Sometimes, he doesn't notice that I've had a haircut even though i might only have one twice a year!!

Notjustamummy, no worries about the late reply. It's lovely to hear from you.

I know what you mean about commuting. Ugh!! I don't know how people, especially working mums do it. I get tired just thinking about it. I sometimes feel like I've had my fill of the work I used to do. I used to enjoy it and was good at it but like you I feel so blessed o have 2 lovely kids, and the thought of going back to work early everyday and getting back aftrer 7 in the evening just doesn't appeal. I wish it did as I'm sureyou're right that it is probably a big part of who I am in some ways. I keep hoping for a Eureka moment where I invent something or come up with a great idea but so far that hasn't happened. I will have to go back to work at some point so I hope I can find something part time, term time only, although I'm guessing those sorts of jobs would get snapped up pretty quickly.

Wow! Well done on the eBay selling. That's a brilliant reward for taking the advice on here. And to get a jacket that you love and still have a lot of change is even better. I hope you find something else that's lovely o spend the rest on.

I'm currently obsessing about needing a new bag. I have an old one which is a hedgren one which i've had for about 13 years. it's still going strong but is one of those cross body long bags which i don't really like anymore but use asthere's nothing wrong with it. i think I'm in love with the black faridah that the doesmybumlook40 blogger has in the pictures of her in her what she wore outfits, but it's so expensive. I don't even know if it's possible to buy it anymore apart from on eBay where it's also very expensive.

Anyway, thanks again to all you lovely ladies. I hope you all get a good peaceful nights sleep and that you have a great rest of the week.

Lots of love
xxxx

Mumat, have you looked at any specific brands? Cos is the one that comes to mind- google them, they do have really nice stuff. Massimo Dutti?

Thanks Paribas. I'd never heard of Cos until quite recently after wonder what the abbbreviations C.O.S. stood for after seeing it on the S&B threads.
I've looked online but I find it difficult to see what the clothes would look like on. They seem to look the same on the models and in the pics of just the items. I think I might need to venture into London to have a look one day. Not sure when but will definitely go and have a look. Thanks for the tip. And the one about Massino too. Someone mentioned that up thread so I'll check them out too.
Thanks again. :)

Cos has a shop on regents street, next to liberty and banana republic. Actually, banana republic is also worth looking at, you can do both of them in a couple hours. Have u tried anything in Hobbs? Re boots- can't remember if anyone mentioned Duo to you?

Ah, here's something I can help with! I LOVE Cos. There's one at Westfield Stratford and they have a sale starting tomorrow

They also do mail order at Cosstores.com i'm a 14 and wear their medium.

Will pm you with dates! (probably tomorrow as off to bed now though)

Hi there. Lovely to hear from you again. Have a lovely shop in JL tomorrow. and I hope DD has re-caught the sleeping bug ... My niece (now age 10) needs very little sleep and I live in fear that DS will turn out the same (OK so far!). Once she can read on her own, you can always let her read in bed to give you back your Mumsnet time ... (Joke: before social services phone me).
Having reread my last post, I sounded very bossy - sorry. Just had a few ideas and not much time! Have fun looking. Looks like Cos may be a winner for you.
I don't do flowers or prints much either. The odd v small print is OK. More is weird alien territory. Sometimes I fear it might be a bit boring, but I suppose that's where scarves come in! Somehow prints on scarves 'work'. Why should that be?
Not sure there are any shops where one does shop 'after 40'. I suspect that over 40 a) you are less easy to please, b) you have more idea what suits you and are less likely to be prepared to look like a twit and c) being slightly older its easier to look like mutton. The good news is that you have to try lots of things in lots of shops/ look online or at blogs and be prepared to come away empty handed (which was never something I could do in my 20s).
Oh and DH just despairs I think!