I am currently wearing the only pair of jeans I own, which I bought approx 9 years ago. Since then I have gained 10 kilos, had a baby and had my entire centre of gravity shift decidedly southwards. I am in my late 30s, not pig-ugly but no focus of wolf whistles either (remembers the time when I took offence at such things... sigh). I have a long abdomen and not-long legs. Thighs to grab rather than snap. I have a bottom and hips and all things womanly. I now sound like 2ft tall potato, but I promise I'm not. I'm remarkably average (at 5ft 9in) and in need of some new jeans that make my legs look 5ft long, my bum the size of a small potato and return the overall package back to approx 25 years of age.
Where on earth do I start?