Why won't DH accept that I CANNOT wear fashionable clothes due to my figure???

[CeliaDeBohun]

I've been moaning a bit to DH lately about there being nothing in the shops at the moment that I can actually wear (and I do genuinely need some new clothes as the few items I'm comfortable wearing are literally falling to bits). DH, bless him, is trying to fix it by saying there is nothing to stop me wearing fashionable clothes and that my only problem is confidence.

Sadly, that's not true. I'm just not deluded about my figure and its limitations. I'm 5'4" and size 14. My frame is on the small size so I look quite hefty at this size, which isn't a good start. I have no waist but do have a big pot belly. I've also got massive thighs (they've always been out of proportion - even when I was a size 10, my thighs were about a 16). And I can't wear heels, due to problems with my feet.

So trousers, unless they're wide leg ones, are out. And as wide leg trousers tend to look better with heels, they're not ideal either. I always wear knee length or just above the knee skirts with a t shirt that skims rather than clings to my tummy, plus a cardi or hoodie and flat boots. This is my 'uniform'. It may be dull as shite but it's the only look that doesn't emphasise all my worst areas. Problem is, my clothes all need replacing but I can't find any skirts that are long enough but aren't either bodycon or officey pencil skirt styles. T shirts that don't cling too much are tricky too.

Anyway, DH is insisting that we go shopping to find me some new clothes. Which is lovely of him, of course. But he keeps insisting that I can wear fashionable clothes and that the stuff I do wear is frumpy and ageing (I'm 35 and disagree). I keep trying to tell him that the shops are full of short and/or clingy skirts and that the trousers and jeans are mostly slim fitting and look fucking awful on my thighs. He just laughs and says I'm being ridiculous. It's quite sweet in a way and I wish he was right!

I don't know why it's bothering me so much. Maybe because I hate my body and having these conversations is painful (hate having to spell out to him that I can't wear the things that most women my age can because my figure won't allow it).

Am trying to sort the weight problem out btw, have been dieting religiously for the last two months but it's taking forever to actually see any results. Can't really exercise due to chronic problems with feet and knees and also had tendinitis since my DS was born 18 months ago.

Sorry, just realised that was quite a pointless post. Think I just needed to rant

I recommend this website - put in your measurements and it will tell you what shapes suit you and what shapes do not suit you, and recommend clothes. You'll have to do quite a bit of clicking on "like" and "dislike" before it understand what sort of things are to your taste, but it will get you out of thinking that you can't wear fashionable clothes. Different clothes suit different shapes. There will be something in the shops that suits you.

Sorry but I think you are being a bit ridiculous. But then I also don't know why your DH is so bothered by what you wear.

I am 5ft 3 and at a size 14 I was perfectly able to wear nice clothes. I am a size 18 now and am still able to do so. I am a pear shape and yes lots of clothes in the last couple of years are unflattering on my shape (bloody 80's revival sucks) but I know what suits me and can always find something with a little bit of a search (usually look online first so I am not wandering the shops for hours).

You sound overly critical of your figure to be honest. Size 14 is not exactly obese. As for diets, even with no exercise you should see results in two months. How much do you have to lose?

Your DH sounds lovely and is trying to be supportive but I know what you mean, my DH keeps insisting I look lovely since DS was born (which is not true!) but he's just being nice.

I was reading another thread on here last night and a lady with similar proportions if I remember rightly was asking about wearing tunics (that gather under the bust so skim over your stomach) with leggings and boots. It sounds like this style would suit you as it would cover your tummy and thighs but might look more stylish.

I'm much taller than you but have the same problem areas so was going to give this a go! Probably with a long cardigan to cover my bum too

There were some links to very pretty (and cheap!) tunics/dresses on the thread that would really update your look.

Also if DH really wants to treat you, let him take you somewhere with a personal shopper who can pick things out to suit you?

Good luck!!

5'4 size 22 and still find nice clothes. You just have to look in the right places and go through that soul destroying act of trying on a million things to find 1 that suits. Good luck and let dh help you with your confidence as no one will see you more harshly than you will. Even if they do why do you care?

Hi Celia - I don't agree that wide trousers look better with heels. In fact, if the trousers are anything other than over the shoes - I mean if they're ankle-flappers - I tend to think they look ridiculous with heels.

I think wide trousers look absolutely brilliant with either Converse or similar, or with mid-height, sharp stilettos or perhaps 1940s style platform-type shoes.

Dark trousers like that, combined with a neat, buttoned-up blouse or colourblock plain top - lots around at the moment - might suit you if you like that look, perhaps?

I would let him take you shopping, he loves you, he's not going to let you dress like a fool, you never know, if you try and see yourself through his eyes, you might find something you like. Us women can be way over criticle of ourselves!

Lots of places have style advisors - pick somewhere you normally have a reasonable chance of finding something ( I went to Monsoon) accept they'll be trying to flog you their stuff... But at least they'll bring you things you might normally ignore. And they do all the walking around for you
Or pay for a style session. Sometimes you just get stuck in a rut and need a new set of eyes looking at you

I think you sound very self critical OP.

I am 5 ft 4 - a size 20, with big boobs, small (in comparison) waist, massive arse and thighs, and I can still find funky clothes to suit me quite easily. Including skinny jeans.

I too am paranoid about my appearance, but you seem overly so.

Try casual dresses. Just as easy to wear with boots.

Debenhams personal shoppers have a good reputation - I haven't been myself but a couple of friends have been transformed and taken completely out of their ruts. It is in their interest to find something that you like and will buy and they don't want to make you look ridiculous.

Debenhams personal shoppers have a good reputation - I haven't been myself but a couple of friends have been transformed and taken completely out of their ruts. It is in their interest to find something that you like and will buy and they don't want to make you look ridiculous.

Definitely try a personal shopper. I did it when looking for something to get married in - in three different shops no less and it was a great experience.

I said to one oh you must love clothes or some such nonsense and she said, no the real skill is in understanding people. They were all very very friendly and comfortable to be with and not at all scarey

I have a really stylish friend with similar figure to me (under 5'5", size 12 on a good day but more often a 14 so not going to suit everything) - I asked her about her clothes and she told me she can't take any credit, she does a £250 shop with Debenhams personal shopper 3 times a year!

I just copy her ideas :)

Why don't you try something like that? I think John Lewis do it as well and friend says you don't have to buy anything. Take a friend/mum/sister who will not accept any nonsense from you and go with an open mind and your DH's credit card!

I have to say that I am your age and probably similar figure when not pregnant and I would feel quite mumsy and frumpy in what you're describing.

Sounds like you've got yourself in such a rut you can't see any other way of dressing. It's not always what you think will suit that suits - I have quite chubby thighs but have ALWAYS looked better in skinny jeans, I used to wear "mum" stretch jeans out of catalogues in 6th form cos they suit my figure much much more than boyfriend styles, which only look nice when I'm size 8/10. You might be bang on about what trousers suit you, but I'm just suggesting that you go nuts and try on lots of stuff to see what works.

From what you say I would try tunic dresses with decent jeggings and a cardi and your flat boots perhaps? Or if you have nice calves a loose-ish shift dress with ballet pumps? What about a slightly girlier skirt, a bit longer and fuller than you usually wear? I hate my tummy so just wear cardigans a lot (the sort of "twinset" ones rather than long ones).

I've gone on a bit here. This is one of my favourite things though, I restyled my mum last year and am doing my sister later this year! Not great at dressing myself but I am good at seeing what might work on others.

If my dh insisted on taking me shopping I'd tell him to sod off, I can't think of anything worse! It's up to me what I wear and up to him what he wears!

ooh x posts re personal shoppers! I'm planning a body overhaul after I have this baby and am definitely going to give the personal shopping a try once I'm back to a size 12.

The trick is to have an open mind - don't go "no!" at things on hangers, reserve judgement til you have things on. Some of my best clothes are things I tried on for the hell of it and was startled to see actually looked good.

I think the H is trying to boost her up though? Maybe not in the most tactful way but it sounds like he thinks OP is gorgeous and wants her to enjoy clothes and stuff rather than hate her body and wear things that make her feel meh.

He is insisting - not just offering, would get my gander right up!

Thanks everyone who's replied.

Trills thanks for the link, just been having a play on that site. What a fantastic idea, I'm really impressed with it. Unfortunately, it told me I must have good legs because of my straight up and down figure but I'll just ignore any trouser or short skirt suggestions and concentrate on the less clingy dresses :)

AngryFeet my DH cares because he doesn't like seeing me unhappy and he wants to help if he can. I wasn't implying that everyone over size 14 has trouble finding nice clothes, it very much depends on your proportions IMO. If you're a pear shape you've probably got a slimmer waist, which would help. I only need to lose about a stone really. Yes, two months of dieting should show some results, it's really frustrating that it doesn't seem to be happening. Although other people who don't know I've been dieting have commented that I look much thinner, which is something at least!

nomoreminibreaks thanks, will have a look for that thread. Leggings and longer tops does sound a little more stylish than what I'm currently wearing I've always been scared of leggings because of the thunder thigh issue but may give that a go if I can find any tops that are long enough!

only4tonight it is soul destroying when nothing looks good isn't it? You're right, there's no reason why I should care what anyone else thinks but I tend to feel uncomfortable in my own skin if I don't like the way I look

KandyBarr that's weird, I've got two pairs of wide leg trousers that I've been wearing quite a bit lately with topshop converse imitations, just because they and my two skirts are all that's even remotely wearable in my wardrobe!

shelldockley thanks, no he'd never pick anything horrible, he's got good taste actually.

HomeRcoGnomist you know what, if I did that I'd be worried that I wouldn't like anything they'd picked and it would be really awkward I've always wondered if that happens when people use instore personal shoppers!

pictish your figure sounds way better than mine! I'd kill for big boobs and a small waist :)

mirpuppet I love casual dresses, not seen any around recently that aren't too short or muttony looking though. Wish everything wasn't so short at the moment...

Yes, go shopping with a friend or an asisstant, who can persuade you to try things you mightn't have thought of. Don't take your DH because he will insist things look good that you know don't, you'll get cross and he'll get frustrated. Do let him say nice things to you at home.

Also remember that no-one suits all clothes, everyone has body parts that are 'too' long / short, fat / thin, out of proportion, even people who you think have wonderful figures and must find it really easy to buy clothes. I think you just have to go for it as a research exercise and try on half the things in each shop.

Thanks bigbadbarry and AlanMoore Sorry, I only just saw your posts. Hmm so many recommendations for Debenhams personal shoppers on this thread! Maybe I will give it a go but warn them that I'm likely to be one of those PITA customers who won't like anything Alan, there's no way I could wear skinny jeans, sadly. My thighs are bizarrely huge. It's a shame because skinnies are everywhere, look really good on most people and would be such an easy option if they suited me! Am definitely going to try on some leggings/jeggings and tunic tops anyway

valiumredhead he's just being nice, honestly.

Don't take your DH because he will insist things look good that you know don't, you'll get cross and he'll get frustrated. Do let him say nice things to you at home.

Haha this is exactly what would happen! Actually I'd probably end up in tears and we'd have a miserable row

Trills - I just tried that website, it is HELL. I can't poss answer all those questions, and it doesn't recognise sainos clothes...

It is a bit annoying at first - I'd rather they skipped straight to the "put in your measurements" rather than asking you to match your lifestyle to some pictures