Why won't DH accept that I CANNOT wear fashionable clothes due to my figure???

[CeliaDeBohun]

I've been moaning a bit to DH lately about there being nothing in the shops at the moment that I can actually wear (and I do genuinely need some new clothes as the few items I'm comfortable wearing are literally falling to bits). DH, bless him, is trying to fix it by saying there is nothing to stop me wearing fashionable clothes and that my only problem is confidence.

Sadly, that's not true. I'm just not deluded about my figure and its limitations. I'm 5'4" and size 14. My frame is on the small size so I look quite hefty at this size, which isn't a good start. I have no waist but do have a big pot belly. I've also got massive thighs (they've always been out of proportion - even when I was a size 10, my thighs were about a 16). And I can't wear heels, due to problems with my feet.

So trousers, unless they're wide leg ones, are out. And as wide leg trousers tend to look better with heels, they're not ideal either. I always wear knee length or just above the knee skirts with a t shirt that skims rather than clings to my tummy, plus a cardi or hoodie and flat boots. This is my 'uniform'. It may be dull as shite but it's the only look that doesn't emphasise all my worst areas. Problem is, my clothes all need replacing but I can't find any skirts that are long enough but aren't either bodycon or officey pencil skirt styles. T shirts that don't cling too much are tricky too.

Anyway, DH is insisting that we go shopping to find me some new clothes. Which is lovely of him, of course. But he keeps insisting that I can wear fashionable clothes and that the stuff I do wear is frumpy and ageing (I'm 35 and disagree). I keep trying to tell him that the shops are full of short and/or clingy skirts and that the trousers and jeans are mostly slim fitting and look fucking awful on my thighs. He just laughs and says I'm being ridiculous. It's quite sweet in a way and I wish he was right!

I don't know why it's bothering me so much. Maybe because I hate my body and having these conversations is painful (hate having to spell out to him that I can't wear the things that most women my age can because my figure won't allow it).

Am trying to sort the weight problem out btw, have been dieting religiously for the last two months but it's taking forever to actually see any results. Can't really exercise due to chronic problems with feet and knees and also had tendinitis since my DS was born 18 months ago.

Celia - a few years ago we'd gone to stay with PIL's and an old friend of DH's invited us to a party which I hadn't packed anything suitable for so had a panic shop. DH came with me and asked if he could choose some things, which I thought would be fun but likely to have terrible results. In fact he choose some items that I wouldn't have looked at twice for the sort of reasons you're talking about but when I tried them on quite a few looked fab. Did you have a wedding dress? Don't you remember how some looked nothing on the hanger but came to life when you put them on? All clothes can be like that.

You need to go with an open mine, take DH (who sounds lovely) and go to the personal shopper so you'll have two opinions. Pretend you're on a tv makeover show and if both of them say something looks fab believe them.

Trills - I love that website and have just spent 20 minutes having great fun, it could be my new addition.

Personal shoppers are used to people putting up a fight when it comes to finding things to suit them - if they're not souls of diplomacy and patience and style then they're not going to last long. I agree with lottie - take your DH with you if you have to, but don't let him do the actual choosing, because it sounds as if it would tip into a row really quickly and if you bought stuff under pressure, it would be 'that skirt you made me spend £90 on that I don't even like'.

I like the John Lewis personal shoppers; I haven't had a proper session but I've run in there for a panic buy a couple of times, and the personal shopper helped me find something really great in about 10 mins that I wouldn't even have looked at. They stock a good selection of every day ranges. You have to tell yourself that it's really no skin off their nose if you don't buy anything, but if they find you an outfit you love, you'll go back.

Oh, and sorry to bang the usual S&Bravissimo drum but have you thought about going for an underwear overhaul? If you've lost weight you might need a different bra and there's nothing like a properly fitting bra to make you feel better about your body as a whole.

With skinny jeans wear a top that covers your thighs a tunic and you will be fine. Also think personal shopper with or w/o DH would be good. I have done it several times no pressure to buy at John Lewis, HOF, Debenhems. I went to all three as they have different stock in. Note the only down side is hey will bring you in items that are selling well - but it is so nice not to have to go around the shop floor looking for things & I love teh big dressing rooms with a whole rail of clothes.

Trills - thanks so much for the recommendation - what a great idea.
Brilliant timing also as it is the last day of their win £1000 of clothes competition. If anyone else wants to do it here is the link. Fingers crossed!

OH good luck, I hope you do go to the personal shopper and report back?

My dp has fantastic taste, I call him something that rhymes with Gok Wan He also loves to shop, I don't. But he finds things for me I'd never dream of wearing and they look good. The other day we were in Monsoon and he wanted to buy me a dress. It was gorgeous but I didn't have anywhere to wear it at the moment, plus I have some dresses unworn. I really just wanted a nice skirt for the day. Tried a few shops and we ended up in River Island. He found me a lovely skirt exactly what I was after and it really suits me. Plus it was in the sale

Your dh sounds really nice. At least he's taking an interest in your feelings unlike a lot of men.

brands like Boden, Monsoon and Mint Velvet do nice flatteringly shaped things - particularly Boden with their skirts that tend to be that bit longer and a bit more A line to flatter. Mint Velvet have some lovely tunics and longer cardies. I think maybe you are looking in the wrong shops if all you can see is too clingy and short - that is not my experience at all, but I never go into shops who clearly cater for the younger market. At your height and weight you are actually probably closer to the national average than most. I agree that a personal shopper is the way to go - but you must have an open mind. If you set out with the attitude that you will not like anything they suggest then you may as well not bother

If aren't happy odnsay life is too short-diet!

Id say

Hi , to the people that have used a personal shopper what do you do ? do you ring and book , do you pay a fee?
I would love to go and get my spring/summer wardrobe sorted.
To the op , i'm the same at the moment i feel really fat i'm a size 12 but at 5 1" i just feel big and chunky so because i feel crap nothing looks nice .
I'm dieting and exercising and feel much better perhaps if your not loosing much could you do a slimming club?
I think a lot of it is how you feel about yourself as i see lots of ladies that are bigger in size looking lovely.

OP what do you like about yourself?

I understand that it can be disheartening when you feel nothing looks quite right but you are speaking in negatives and absolutes. It sounds like you have got into a habit of shooting down any suggestions that you might have some attractive features!

Are you able to accept compliments in other areas of your life?

Just ring up and book. No fee

Then you tell them what you need, what bits of yourself you want to hide/flaunt and read magazines while they go and get it

I would do it for normal clothes shopping but I am a cheapskate and only ever buy clothes in the sales now

That's a really good site trills - it has just come up with exactlt the kind of clothes I wear. So I must be doing something rightt!

Well done you!

I have jut noticed that they have a referral link thingy, and I could have got points for telling everyone on MN (on multiple threads) to go join up.

No idea what the points do, but I like points.

God knows how I managed to get all that right.

Mind you it says avoid empire line tops, boxy jackets and cocoon shaped coats, they are such vile garments that it probably says that on everyones.

I'm loving that site. I just wish they also transferred the money to your account to buy it when you say you like a £2,000 Alexander McQueen dress.

Yes, the bastards have taught me that I like LK Bennet and Issa and Ralph Lauren - apparently I am Kate Middleton - but sadly I don't have her budget.

I don't seem to like Helmut Lang, so that's something ... I think.

I don't like the word "Helmut Lang", it sounds rude.

I want CuriousMama's DH

I've just had a go at that site and I'm less convinced. I put in my measurements and it said I would really suit pencil skirts and shift dresses. Um no. I have a belly that makes me look about 7 months pregnant. Didn't ask me about that, did they. I disliked nearly everything they showed me, and often it came from shops where I know I don't fit in their clothes! bloody topshop

Not liking - you just have to click "like" and "dislike".

Have you put in your measurements? (not just dress sizes but shoulders/bust/waist/hips in inches) Once they have your measurements then they will know what your belly is like. they won't know what your legs are like though which is why they tell me to wear pencil skirts

Well, DH and I did go shopping this afternoon and I now own a pair of black jeggings, a pair of blue acid wash skinny jeans, a very pretty dress/top thing with little blue flowers that's mid thigh length at the front and longer at the back and a short navy blue dress with polka dots on (nicer than it sounds)!

I was still quite dubious about the whole skinny jeans/thunder thighs issue but thought I may as well give it a go and it actually looked pretty nice ok DH is delighted and says it's knocked about eight years off me. And I absolutely love my new clothes

Thank you so much to everyone who's posted on this thread, I can't tell you how grateful I am for all the advice and encouragement DH would be extremely grateful too if he knew I'd posted this thread

great result.

MissBee he isn't dh yet Maybe this year though? We'll get round to it one day.