why do mums of toddlers dress like they are going into battle?

[Pharoahnuff]

i know I think i did.
ALl bagged up, flat boots, look of grim determination. In my day it was all combat trousers, quilty gilets and timberlands.
now its ugly Fly boots and ill fitting skinnies

3 children under five, my smart clothes now are the jeans without holes. In answer to the earlier comment about 5 minutes, no, generally I don't get it. I now clean my teeth in the shower to stop getting distracted, and frankly, if I don't get to poo in peace how do you think I am going to get dressed in peace.

For the record, I can slap on mascara, under eye concealer and moisturiser in one minute, in five minutes I could probably do a full face of make up now and drink aforesaid cup of tea.

If I see mums who haven't bothered with themselves, playing with their happy kids then I think, what a lovely mum.

If I see mums who haven't bothered with themselves, sat on the sofa in soft play texting their friends, rather than watching their toddler who is calling out to them to watch them go down the slide (or doesn't even know where they are because they are in the cafe eating chips), I think 'they could make more effort'.

The implication on this thread that wearing make-up is somehow obligatory, is pretty offensive to women.

As for 'decent clothes' - I live near some charity shops where other women throw away £300 coats three years after they are in season. If I lived somewhere with fewer Boden mums, I'd no doubt look crap enough for people to post about all the things they hate about my wardrobe too!

(departs to read article about families being slaughtered in Syria).

Yet another snidey thread.
Yuk.

london I like those sandals. They're kinda sensible-funky.

I've ordered both Chloe and silver ballerinas. In my defence I wear a lot of navy and brown and I don't think either pair would go with both.

Also, pace this thread, they are both highly practical. They can take me as easily to the park as to a meeting.

I love this post. I was just thinking the other day that I needed to dress up a little more...

Dressed up all week and was very disappointed. Got blisters from the fab shoes. ANd I cannot afford my dry cleaning bill because all my nice tops and knitwear and trousers and scarves are now covered in vomit (I have a newborn) and food (from my toddler)

The combination of needing clothes that are good for inside and outside, able to breastfeed, and able to run after a toddler, change nappies, potty train and that I won't get upset if they are stained with juice... well lets just say that its limited.

And yes I hate dressing this way. I am a fashion girl, used to work in fashion..but those days up dressing nice are for friday nights with no children only.

But surely is about choice?

I find that extra 5 mins need's 30 at least by getting up before anyone else.

I found, when I had PND, that there was a direct correlation between my mood and looking to what I would describe as a mess. This meant that DS and I didn't go to the park, or out for a walk into town etc.

I find it really odd when people say that putting make-up on/dressing well means you are a bad parent.

I have a number of constraints which dictate everyday toddler wear.

1 Money. I can't afford to keep replacing clothes that get irrepairably stained, torn, or worn out from too much washing. So I wear cheap shit that doesn't matter. Some of my cheap shit is more stylish than others.

2 Shoes. I can't wear heels, at all, ever, so they have to be flat. They have to be easy to clean mud off so they don't get ruined. See point (1). I have big calves, and hideous legs, so boots and skinnies or short skirts and tights are out.

3 Requirement to sit on the floor a lot, in public. This, combined with fat legs, also rules out skirts. It means jeans plus top or leggings plus jumper dress. Due to repeat floor contact, lots of washing. See point (1)

4 DS's stuff is in a boring rucksack because it's easier to carry when I also have to carry him, and DP is willing to carry it. Transferring everything into decent, stylish bag and back again every other day will result in the thing I need being in the other bag.

I would like to point out, however, that my flat shoes are rare converses, sparkly trainers, and stuff like that, rather than walking boots, if that makes me any more acceptable.

My two pennies' worth-

• I dressed like the OP describes before I had DD - simple tops, comfy boots, jeans, combat trousers. I still do. Because I like it.
• Some people - me, for instance- have unruly, wavy, frizzy hair. Some of you may think it looks untidy. It's high maintenance if you want it straightened every morning, and I don't even like straight hair much.
• I like spending time outdoors, even if it's just the park. I liked it before I had DD and I still like it now. I dress accordingly.
• I don't wear make up except to go out somewhere special. Because I don't like it (am also allergic to almost everything).
• I don't understand why make up is seen as something obligatory.
• I think fashion/style conscious women (mums or not) are fine and dandy. I think women (mums or not) who prioritise practicality over looks are also fine and dandy.
• I don't judge people on looks and I don't expect to be judged on looks. I din't know I was being judged. Do I care? Not really. But I AM surprised.

Has it occurred to anybody that not everybody shares your tastes? Just asking...

herbaceous, are you me? :)

Loving this thread

I often get criticised for "making an effort". But it's still clothes isn't it? Doesn't take me any longer to get dressed than it would if I was wearing shapeless jeans and a fleece. And as most of my clothes are from primark/new look/dorothy perkins you could hardly say I was stylish!

I don't wear heels much though, only on a night out really. I feel more stable in flats.

Oh, and 5. I'm fat, and hoping to lose weight. So lots of my old clothes don't fit me, and it's not worth spending lots of anything new. This has sadly been the status quo for the past year, so maybe I should just accept this is the new me!

Stickygotstuck - sadly I don't I am you. I am far more worried about what people think of me, unfortunately.

I think most people with young children wear a uniform of some sort because there is so little variety to your life at that stage. Before you have children you have Work clothes, Going out clothes, Casual Weekend clothes, Holiday clothes etc. But when you have toddlers everyday is the same, early start lots of kneeling/sitting on the floor and the knowledge that at the end of the day you will be covered in various bodily fluids and food.

So long as you are comfortable and confident about how you look then it's fine. What I cannot stand is the assumption that if you make an effort with your appearance you are doing a disservice to other women and neglecting your children. I recently did the baking for my toddler group and got so many comments from women who had previously ignored me saying they didn't have me down as the baking type, either because it's messy or because I am thin. I was actually quite hurt that these people had made such sweeping judgements without getting to know me first. Like sticky says all if anything I thought about them was ok, clothes aren't their thing.

Also there's practical and ridiculous. I watched my friend force a tiny Thomas the Tank Engine rucksack on over her anorak the other day and just thought it looked soooo uncomfortable, the same way I felt when I saw someone wearing stilletos in a bark playground.

If I'm not going anywhere muddy, I tend to wear my adidas trainers. They are from going to indie discos in the late 90s. DOes that mean I'm wearing retro trainers and therefore cool?

Oh, and 7. Round these parts, no-one is groomed and 'done'. It's much more new Peacocks hoody than dear little Brora cashmere cardi. Making an effort may well be frowned upon.

I love clothes and make up and shoes and stuff.
I can get all sorted in less than half and hour if I want to.
Sometimes I cant be arsed and spend the day in a velour trackie and fuggs.
Most days I wear full makeup and a frock (with leggings rather than hose and heels).

So what?

Who cares?

I think its weird that people want to tell those that wear make up they are rubbish and those that dont they are rubbish.

Its just clothes and makeup and shoes and stuff.

Have to say I agree with this; each to their own. I never really wore much make up before I had kids and don't really think you have to wear a bit of slap to look groomed.

I definitely feel better if I've made a bit of an effort, but then I am an eternal time-waster who constantly feels she Could Try Harder. Past few weeks I've been living without a hairdryer, so only had one of those Big Hair things... forcing me to look reasonably groomed at least from the head up. I'm another one who relies on accessories to try to make me feel good, mainly because like herbaceous I'm also stacking some extra weight which means all my good clothes don't fit. And there's nowt so depressing as buying clothes in your Fat Size: it's like giving in.

I agree MrsDV. This thread has actually made me feel quite low . A lot of the points herbaceous has made apply to me, and some that other people have said too. I don't have much spare £ and not much time to shop. Due to 4 pregnancies in 7 years my shape has changed frequently. I have very little ££ to spend on clothing at all. what I do manage to get generally comes from a supermarket. I have also been breastfeeding or pregnant since June 2004. I have had a child under 2 and a quarter continuously since the birth of my first DC, and often baby/toddler combo. I am pregnant and very tired, and for almost 4 months now have spent about 30 mins every single day puking my guts up, before getting 3 children ready and out of the house for the school run. I do not have 5 mins spare in the morning. I am always clean and my hair is alway brushed. It is cut by a friend cheaply, because that is all I can afford. sometimes I go 3 months between cuts because I have no spare cash. Even if I'd like to have some boden, it is out of the question financially.

As I explained above I wear comfortable practical clothes.

I couldn't give a fig what anyone else wears. If makeup and expensive co-ordinating changing bags are your thing then knock yourself out. No impact on me and says nothing at all about your parenting or mine.

However, please do not judge me for being a bit frumpy or having applied whatever you consider "essential" makeup. It doesn't make me any worse a person or mother (and not better either!!). It does not mean my children find me unattractive and would prefer a different mother ].

The horrible judgement going on here by people whose lives are different than mine is horrid. It's made me cry and made me feel very self conscious on the school run since I read it. So thanks a lot Pharoahnuff, Bonsoir et al. Great job.

Are these too much like fly boots?! I've just bought some....

pesto dont cry

Its not important. Well it is if you want it to be but what other people think doesnt matter at all.

I am laughing at the idea of 'essential' make-up. What a load of rubbish.

I am 44 now and have had 5 kids. I really dont give a toss what I look like when I leave the house unless I do care. I know that sounds mad but what I mean is that if I want to look nice it matters, if I dont feel like it that day, it doesnt.

I take pleasure in clothes and stuff, they make me smile. But I am just as likely to be seen looking like a bag lady as I am all stush and made up.

Infact thats half the fun, being able to make the transformation.

And I can tell you this - I NEVER EVER look together in the first year after giving birth. It takes me ages to get my mojo back. Your body changes so much, you dont know what size you are, your boobs are constantly shifting shape and size...

Yesterday I looked a bit of fox, today I look like a troll. Such is life.

Why do people like Boden? I'd never even heard of it until I joined MN. Is it just like a posh Next: fashion tamed for people who want to fit in and look like everyone else?

I've always been too skint/had no good taste/never really given two hoots about how I look so having kids has been a bit of blessing as now I can pretend it is all their fault that I look a mess.

I could pretend that actually I'm so naturally beautiful that it doesnt matter what I wore, but anyone that knows me would have to snigger!

Mrs DeVere said EXACTLY what I was thinking. Fashion should be a bonus, an add on, an extra that makes us feel good, not a negative that makes us feel bad. I like to look nice sometimes, but couldn't give two shites if women I know and care about have or haven't made the effort. I expect most people feel the same, and can't imagine the op intended anyone to take this thread as anything other than a light hearted 'can you believe we wore THIS' thread.