why do mums of toddlers dress like they are going into battle?

[Pharoahnuff]

i know I think i did.
ALl bagged up, flat boots, look of grim determination. In my day it was all combat trousers, quilty gilets and timberlands.
now its ugly Fly boots and ill fitting skinnies

Thanks MrsDV . Like I said upthread (when the OP came back and mocked me) I genuinely don't understand why anyone else would care what I look like, especially people who only see me and don't even know me. I thought they didn't. Instead of which, reading this I find there will be loads of people making awful judgements about me as a person in their head , and maybe even bitching to other better dressed people. I guess I'm just naive and people (women?) will judge anything and everything about others. Too many pregnancy hormones are no doubt not helping me either, it's not been the best few months of my life recently . Like everyone, I'm just doing my best and trying to get through.

Because if you are doing it properly you are spending hours and hours outside in all weathers. Dainty shoes get covered with mud, legs without jeans on get cold. You need an anorack for 75% of the time in this contry.

I was wearing fly boots before I gave birth. I can't walk in heels and I have problems with my tendons so I need to wear a particular type of heel or something with a raised instep like Birkenstocks to avoid weeks of pain.

However, since reading this thread I have tried to make more of an effort with the other bits and I've really noticed 'the look'.

I don't mind looking mumsie because my taste hasn't changed since before DD.

Ah, hahahahahaha, I've not read such a shallow thread in a long time!

Yes, I spend large amounts of my time with yoghurt/nutella/snot smeared all over me, and I really don't care. Why on earth should anyone else care what I wear on the school run? I usually drop off/pick up in my battered old Dubarrys, mucking out jeans and a sensible top, all the better for cracking on with the horses and managing my land. One doesn't manage the land with blow dried hair and mascara!

As for going on a sunbed once a month - I just pop to the Bahamas, darling. Put that in your pipe and smoke it when you're judging me at the school gates.

I too find the same constraints of time and money and comfort vs look are a problem.

I don't have much money, so do need a "capsule wardrobe" with things which go together and suit different occasions. Not expensive stuff either, unless it's for a very good reason or will last very long. Any eccentric stuff I have will be gifts. I think you can still look presentable and nice without looking ridiculous (ie white stillettos in a field or something)

Here is the total extent of what is in my wardrobe -

*a few t-shirts, one shirt

*2 pairs good jeans - one baggy , one skinny. When they get older I cut them to make shorts for the summer! TK Maxx have good selection and there are usually some good fitting, non-garish ones in there somewhere if you spend a while trying on!

*a tight wrap dress (just above knee length, I don't care I think they are sexy!)

*cheap flat ballet shoes (I find they never last long)

*trainers for the gym

*1 pair 'gym' trousers (hideous tracksuit things, look like pjs)

*1 sweater and 1 long cardigan and 1 funky belt (charity shop chic)

*2/3 bras, one nice lacy version, one comfy one , one push up one from bravissimo or M&S (I have 30" back and most shops start at 32").

*various knickers to match (stating the obvious!)

*opaque tights or leggings at all times except summer (can't be flashing when running after kids!)

*This Jacket which is a bit expensive for me but they always last a couple of years and are very practical in all weathers whilst looking relatively stylish with most clothes (I hope!) - you need a proper outdoor jacket if you don't drive everywhere or you will freeze!

*1 pair high heels (from M&S usually as they do 4" heels which are very comfy actually, Christian Louboutin do better ones but no way can I afford them now!) - These

*1 pair wedge heel espadrille sandals for summer (20 quid from New Look sale)

*1 pair high heel leather boots (must be wedge or very chunky heel or they look overdressed when clicking round supermarket in winter) 40 quid from Office sale.

*1 big cheap canvas tote bag for throwing everything in (fiver from the book shop)

*1 small "going out" bag (maybe even a clutch, current one is vintage on the cheap)

*Various pieces of jewellery (cheap, and some real gold/silver items) to jazz stuff up , and wooly hat, scarf and gloves.

I usually wear a little make up and at least brush hair, although sometimes I go about looking really scruffy and just don't care! Takes me 30 mins to get ready in the morning, including breakfast (I find it best to lay out outfit the night before, pack bag, and shower and wash hair the night before and GET UP BEFORE KIDS - OR LET THEM PLAY IN THEIR ROOM AND NOT ALLOWED OUT UNTIL YOUR 30 MINS OF READY TIME HAS ELAPSED). get dressed, brush teeth, wash face, swipe with witch hazel, tinted moisturiser, concealer (cause I have spots in my late 20s!), mascara, eyeliner and tinted lip balm. maybe a bit of blusher. I'm a fan of mussed-up-hair look so gladly I can get away with washing it the night before and sleeping on it but it does still need styled a little and obviously brushed! Some days I remember spritz of body shop perfume (the only cheap kind which smells good IMO).

I think also that mums shouldn't shy away from colour. Mixing different colours is an easy way to look less 'mumsy' than always dull colours or completely matching colours. Only my opinion.

If I have a little extra money I sometimes get those false eyelashes from the salon, the non-OTT type (doing them myself results in Dame Edna look!) because it saves time and also I have blonde eyelashes so mascara takes while. Or eyebrow wax to save on plucking!

Personally, I don't care what other people wear, whether they are scruffy or high-maintenance. It's pretty judgey to sneer at someone for wearing fleeces or dowdy stuff, or to assume a fashionista is neglecting her duty as a mother. It's an important hobby for some people, a necessity for others and somewhere inbetween for others.

Good thread

Forgot to say, sprogs are 6 and 2 x

I have nice clothes I wear to lunches out & weekend activities but on a Friday when I'm off work & going to some surestarty activity with my 18 mo or out to the park with mummy friends I just wear badly fitting skinny jeans, a&f romper gear hoodies etc and trainers. Trying any harder would be pointless. I get covered in goo mud snot etc. No one judges me (if they did I'd think them funny and a bit sad). Plus my shorter skirts and longer tops with thick tights & nice boots are fine for lunches but a bit hard to keep decent when playing on the floor or fighting an enraged boy back into a carseat or pram.

Golly - pretty sure this was meant to be light hearted.

I love fashion, make up etc but I realise many other people are not as shallow as me

But as this thread has clearly demonstrated the judgement works both ways.

And I don't judge someone on what they wear - other than sometimes to wonder if a person is ok as know that for me periods of being pretty low have corresponded with me being overweight/not caring how I look.

I really dont give a toss what I look like when I leave the house unless I do care. I know that sounds mad but what I mean is that if I want to look nice it matters, if I dont feel like it that day, it doesnt

I take pleasure in clothes and stuff, they make me smile. But I am just as likely to be seen looking like a bag lady as I am all stush and made up

Infact thats half the fun, being able to make the transformation

And I can tell you this - I NEVER EVER look together in the first year after giving birth. It takes me ages to get my mojo back. Your body changes so much, you dont know what size you are, your boobs are constantly shifting shape and size

Extremely good points MrsDV x

As for haircuts, I go every 3-6 months for basic cut (no colour) but think long-ish hair is good for pretty and low maintenance. can be tied back when convenient, but sexy when down loose. No point faffing around with it much when it's going to get wind and rain swept!

Haven't read whole thread but had to post. This is the first time something I own love has been flamed on MN. Have two three different pairs of Fly boots and do wear the skinnies - with muffin top rather than builders bum (which is worse? have a long top ) due to belt. Can't wait for weather to warm up consistently so I can get back in the converse. But agree Mum wear does creep up on you - considering a gilet but worried about the whole "life preserver"/20 extra pounds effect. So following this thread might not bother. But will keep on with the boots - great for the 20,000 pedometer steps it takes to convince my 9mo DS to nap.

I don't judge anyone on how they look. I DO judge people who sneer at other people for how they look.

Having now read the thread fully (and the whole "here are some links from matches sweetie" diversion) would like to kiss MrsDV. Yes, when it matters, it matters, but most of the time it doesn't. Give me 30mins to do myself properly (which was never all that much before DC) and I'll be a picture. Give me 15 and I'll manage to not scare small children/animals. Don't have that? Being made up obviously isn't the most important thing in the world that day.

As someone who wrestles with "status" issues at work sometimes (my own, and those of others), I actually feel liberated having observed the person in my "mummy" group with the very highest "breeding", for want of a better description. She just doesn't give an f. None of the rest of us have to - if it's all about other's judgement and they are judging, I don't need them.

I recently lost my second baby. I love looking like a mummy. Im pleased its so darned obvious. I prayed hard for this blessing. I am extremely lucky to have my dd who I will quite happily fight monsters for day and night. I will do the same for dh.

I am blessed that I am part of such a 'club' once. And I hurt unimaginably that the second ceased. I'll try again and hope and pray once more. I do this all in various uniforms of jeans tshirts uggs converse tights dresses and whatever is nearest on the floor and reasonably clean.

I put on make up when I feel like it and dd gives me time. I do my hair similarly. I'm content and my aim is for her to be so too. You see ultimately its not about me any more and that is a beautiful thing.

If you cannot see past the polish (or lack thereof) on my boots it says more about your life than it ever does about mine.

Fashion is more than clothes. It's a person underneath it.

This thread has such a different feel to other S&B threads.

There are lots of people coming on to say each to their own, but that's not the stance of the OP, nor many others posting. To me, that's not in the spirit of S&B.

My 'own' is taking care of how I look and spending time choosing nice clothes (and I'm not going to lie and say it takes 5 minutes and - bam - I'm groomed and done - it takes half and hour to style my hair alone; I simply don't believe anyone who says it takes them 5 minutes to do make-up, choose outfit and dress, dry and style hair, especially if you have multiple toddlers swinging around your legs).

But if others choose not to prioritise this, it couldn't register less on my radar.

I really don't like the fact that some people are feeling crap for not getting down to Prada and Max Mara at the start of the bloody season and sorting out their capsule wardrobes.

Luckily there are lots of kind people also posting on this thread to counteract the sneery, judgy, condescending ones. More what Mumsnet S&B is all about. :)

LaCiccolina I'm so sorry for your loss :(

LaCiccolina your post is touching and puts things into perspective.

I started to wonder whether people at the nursery gates were thinking my gilet was awful the other day. I then realised I couldn't give a toss. It's easy to be jealous of choosing from a seasons worth of designer wear as few people get to do that and it is rather tasteless to share.

Wise words from LaCiccolina fashion is always about the person underneath and no one will be remembered for what label they preferred.

laCiccolina so sorry that you lost your baby x

I find the quickest way to have a bit of a boost without too much effort is to layer on the lycra.
Amazing what a pair of black leggings, black vest, black mini and a colourful long cardie and big scarf can do. (boots or converse go just as well)
I reckon most body shapes can get away with that little combo.
Its cheap (get most of it from Sainsbos), its comfy and its practical. No knicker flashing or cleavage malfunctions and if you are an experienced bfer you can slip your boob over the vest and baby can feed under the cover of the cardi.

Thank the Lord for lycra.

I have a collection of those long teeshirt maxi dresses too. I like them with the dreaded waterfall cardi and a scarf & sneakers/flip flops.

I cant be doing with uncomfortable clothes but I look crap in casual. I look like an extra from Eastenders if I go down that route. I still do go down that route though. Cos I dont care

I hate to think of perfectly lovely women getting upset because they think they look awful and that other people think they look awful.

Its making me feel all sad.

laCiccolina I am so sorry to hear you lost your baby.

As long as you are happy in your own skin then life is fine. Just goes to show that whether you are feeling polished or couldn't give two boots, we all hate the idea of being judged, especially when it appears to be linked to our parenting.

Most threads like this on S&B are lighthearted and I am sure this one was also meant to be. It's odd when it takes a different path.

Goodness, I gave some info to another poster a few weeks ago about getting her Vagine waxed, and I got accused of being responsible for women's demise in our patriarchal society.

She was only asking about how you deal with ingrown hairs....

I love clothes and fashion, but sometimes comfort over style wins. I have worn coolish heeled biker boots with a dress to my dd music group before, but as I struggled to a) keep my dignity whilst sat on the floor doing 'row,row,row' and b) struggled to run after the little minx I have reverted to converse and jeans for such events. I must admit that I did feel a bit judged by some Mum's for trying to make an effort, I'm sure I picked up a 'who does she think she is' vibe that day. Basically you can't win! :)

Oh I'd love you guys to be a fly on the wall at our primary for the school run.

Dreadlocks, lots of wool, lots of chunky boots, excessive layering and angular hems and not a whole lot of makeup at all. Apart from dreadlocks there's some undercut shaving and a lot of very very long hair.
The teachers are all in ugg boots and neat dresses and sweaters.

I bloody love it.