Crepey Corner

[DukesOfTripHazard]

Where the cool and the discerning hang out. New one.

Chat now, innit.

Stropps {{}}

Oh Strops, how awful. I imagine the recent Gary Speed suicide being all over the news has brought it back.

Thank you, Crepeys. I am a strong believer in just picking oneself up and getting on with things and being haunted by certain events peeves me no end. Dd did a good job of blocking things out at the time, which was easier than you might think because I had ds 6 weeks after exh topped himself. We didn't go to counselling because she didn't want to talk and I had no time. We had no dosh, so I got back to work 2 weeks post-birth with ds stuck to me and the rest of the time was taken up supporting my mother as she insisted nursing my father at home (in the arse end of nowhere).

I remember an uncomfortable moment at dd's 7th b-day party six months later when one of her friends asked her "Have you got a different dad now?" Dd, quite happy, says "yes". Friend: "What happened to your old one?" Dd (airily):"Oh he killed hisself". Friend (very interested):"How did he do that then?" Dd: "He hanged hisself." All friends: "Oooh what's that?" Me: "Hey look, it's time to play pass the parcel" (turns on v. loud music).

Oh and I did take dd to a psychologist 18 months later, because she developed depression. She still didn't want to talk about it, but with the aid of some photos of her dad, she did manage to accept that it was OK to have very mixed feelings about him. This cured the symptoms of depression within a matter of weeks, but I do still often wonder if and when this stuff is going to resurface for her.

Oh Strops It must have been such a hard time for you. No wonder you are having a bad time right now.

That was what I was wondering - whether maybe stuff is resurfacing as she hits puberty. Do you feel able to talk about it with her? It's hard when you block things out - I did that with my dad and what happened to me, and it wasn't till I had left uni and met someone with similar experiences that I began to start to come to terms with it all.

And maybe it's time for you to get some support for yourself? (although I too am a "just get on with it" type person too, so can appreciate how you feel...)

I am wondering how to broach the subject with dd, Tilly. Probably not today, as she is in big trouble for being seriously rude and arsey this morning. I have a bunch of bones to pick when she gets back from school. Grrrr.

In the midst of all that crap, dh's mother died as well, when ds was 4 months old. And then his younger brother died a few months after my dad, so we had way too much Death going on, which sent us all a bit bats for a few years, I reckon. And was certainly why my hair suddenly went grey.

God you definitely had a run of it there. I am surprised your hair didn't all fall out I don't know how you carried on - you must be a very strong woman

Could you tell her that you are feeling funny atm, thinking about what happened and ask if she feels the same or if she ever thinks about it.... I always find a cake and drink in a nice cafe loosens DD's tongue!

I wish I was a bit more 'pick yourself up and get on with it'.

I can't grin and bear anything.

Strops, it doesn't sound like you're in the right frame of mind to get behind her and what's up with her just now so I wouldn't even try until you are. How about just watching something she loves on telly just with her.

I don't think my 7 year old knows how my dad died but the 10 year old knows he got so sad he didn't want to be alive any more. I was 30 when he took an overdose and I felt relieved, then bereaved, then anxious then angry then depressed. I do most of those feelings on a cycle as a part of not entirely normal life. He was a really difficult man. I also think it would have been much harder to deal with if he'd killed himself while I'd been a child.

Bigtilly, sounds like you had a bad time. I'm sorry.

Thanks, Dukes - nothing like even half as bad as poor Strops - my father was an alcoholic (but it affected me a lot more than I realised at the time), and actually I have now met loads of people who have been through very similar things.

I suppose alcholism is like a very slow suicide. My positive thought for the day

I am not very strong at all. I am a big, gibbering, neurotic loon. And my hair did fall out - in handfuls. And grew back grey.

Dukes, I am sorry about your dad. I can relate to your cycle of feelings.

BTM, hugs to you too. Alcoholism is certainly a grim, slow suicide.

Well, I'm actually feeling rather a lot better now. I think it must be the Crepey Therapy Corner that's done the trick. That, and coming to the end of the annual Day of Crapness. Dd has done the jobs she was refusing to do over the w/e and is applying herself to crafting an apology for my cousin (she was a complete grotbag to him this morning) and is looking more talkable-to.

Great

DD OTOH is being a grot-bag, whilst still expecting me to pick her up after a trip tomorrow. And she can't see why her Sports teacher was off with her.

Strops - so sorry for the crapness of today, but glad it's coming to an end. I do think the anniversaries of a bereavement remain unexpectedly tough for years and years, even for stoics. I hope that one day your dd will be able to revisit some kind of counselling about how she feels about her dad and what happened - time does heal an awful lot, but dregs of emotion can sneak up and derail even the best intentions to get on with things. Of course, it has to be a good counsellor and they can take a while to find. I have been to a couple of bereavement counsellors with varying results. One was just one of those silent people who sits with their head on one side waiting for you to emote. Gah! Most hideous way to spend half an hour and I started making things up in order to be more interesting. This is very typically me - feeling responsible for entertaining my own metal health professional.

Ruby - there are no secrets on crepeys! What's the job?

Strops, glad you're feeling a bit better. I have moved a massive armchair into therapy corner if you want to stay there or if anyone else needs to jump on. Personally, I think anyone who isn't a big gibbering neurotic loon isn't really paying attention. Glad dd is behaving.

Yes, tell us what the job is, Ruby.

Strops, glad you're feeling better. Have a .

Should we not have a couch in therapy corner, Dukes?

I generally feel like I am the Duracell Bunny that just keeps on drumming but a collapse and the batteries giving out is imminent. I am a workplace counsellor and have a very messy case ongoing at the moment, plus two friends who are going through a lot of shit. I sometimes think I would like a break from all this, but then realise that it's not my shit and they can't take a break from it, much as they would like to.

Dukes, I like it - Therapy Corner, but agree it should be a couch

I like coach idea, but think I might be hogging it 24/7 at the moment...
Stropps - glad you are feeling better

Couch FFS!....

Oh, I dunno, a luxury therapy coach might be quite nice. With a bar - and armchairs. For when Crepey Corner wants to take to the road...

Wilbur, you did make me LOL with "feeling responsible for entertaining my own mental health professional"

Now, Ruby, what's this about a job??

And I now want a big poster for the office saying: "Anyone who isn't a big gibbering neurotic loon isn't really paying attention."

Wotcher all

Many commiserations to those of us having a really crap time at the moment...

It's seasonal, this feeling of having forgotten something crucial one was meant to do, innit?

Although - Herbs, you will sympathise - I realised on Sunday that I am singing in a concert next Sat and some of the music appears entirely unfamiliar.

ruby, I know exactly what you mean. I know I work part-time, but I feel a bit guilty about my 2 days at home, and especially when come September, the DC will be out of the house from 7.30 till after 4. I feel like I should have a job, but I don't know if I really want one....

Anyway, I decided to take the plunge and am probably going to do some extra tuition for an agency, just a morning / afternoon, testing out how it feels. And then I can justify getting a cleaner

Actually, I also quite fancy a working in a shop/pub-type which involves no preparation/angst, etc. But also less money

COme on ruby, spill the beans. It's not a phone-sex line, is it?