Crepeys/Hagsnet - the moonlight beckons!

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Because moonlight gives you a nice glow and doesn't show up your wrinkles or grey hair.

No, no wee. Thankfully.

I am slumped on the bed with the cat, listening to Always Christmas on 1.fm on t'internet radio, thinking of all the things I could usefully be doing, like wrapping the party bag presents for DD1's party on Saturday, and emailing the parents who haven't RSVP'd, asking them if their Precious Little Flower is coming or not, as I have to give names to the club bouncer and buy pizzas, and I don't want to be eating pizza for the rest of the week.

MrsS, where is DD1 having her party - a bouncer? (or have I missed that?) Just thinking about DD's next party when she will be 13

You can skip next para, just need to get it out...

Okay I am no intellectual lightweight (even if I do say so myself). However, this is hampered by a massive self confidence problem (I don't have any). So someone who was a shit told me I was crap and derailed my potential career (this is YEARS ago), but god has it stayed with me. I have then done various jobs - successfully I might add- but never had what I consider to be a career. I have always had this image of myself as a highly successful person (think MrsS) and I'm not, I have made the wrong choices for the wrong reasons. I am now in a job I could do with one hand tied behind my back and I am bored and frustrated and angry at myself for wasting (as I see it) my abilities.

I am off work today - hooray! And intend to do what I want and not what I should (yes, bugger you, ironing it ain't happening!) have a good day crepeys, the weekend beckons. And yes, dp was correct, the piano thing is a total love fest. :)

Blackduck - I so wish you were coming to the creperie meet up because then you could come and sit next to me and we could compare career trajectories, poor choices and wasted potential. And confidence issues, which are at the root of all this. I have just started again at the bottom rung of the industry I should have been working in for the last 20 years, doing the job I did 15 years ago for people who are 10 years younger than me. However, it is good, I am enjoying it and it is giving me my confidence back even though the pay is shite beyond belief.

If you met me (I will be wearing my lovely new shirt and possibly even a leather jacket and trying to look my best) you might think there is no way I could be a pathetic heap of jelly who hides her lights under several hundred weight of bushels and procrastinates for YEARS about things she wants to do, but there it is.

I have plenty of isshhoos and people I could blame for this state of affairs, but I have decided, at the age of 43, to forget about all that and start again, step by step, day by day. Do you want to join me?

Blackduck and Wilbur - SNAP! I have nil self-confidence. I am also trying to put myself back on track and inch forward out of the mire. I am trying (but not generally succeeding) to stop judging myself for my perceived lack of achievement and accept that things have turned out differently than I might have hoped, but also to understand that my definition of "achievement" possibly needs some tweaking.

Being employed in any kind of capacity outside my loft office is a big deal for me these days, after 13 years of hiding here. So I am weirdly proud of the little forays I have made into the world of work outside the home in recent times. Even though they are ridiculously low grade. But I needed to start from scratch.

Stropps - come and sit with me on the leather banquette next Friday and we can throw each other some grappling hooks and a lifeline.

I seem to be sinking cheerily into a mire of mediocrity, and caring less and less. Laying the blame for lack of success at the feet of small child, and associated childcare issues, comes as a relief. But I'm not sure that just 'giving up' is the true path to contentment.

I've also realised that one of the major barriers to my career progression - as well as a crepey-tastic lack of self-worth - is laziness. At school I always just coasted, and did OK, and my first job was a piece of piss, and I think I've been hard-wired into assuming that if something doesn't come easily, it's too much trouble.

This is of course BAD.

What I've decided I want to do is tart up flats and houses (a small way of emulating my parents, who built five houses with their bare hands). However, I need a deposit for my first venture, and who's going to lend me any money?

Oh wilbur you made me well up there :) I am now glaring at timetables and wondering what is doable. Only thing is I would have to come straight from work and would not have time to get glammed up (hollow laugh) - this is my excuse and I am sticking to it!!

I will join you on the banquette of unfulfilled potential, my lovely friends.

ladies we could take over the world if we harnessed all this unfulfilled potential!

wilbur, it's a deal I am all excited about next Friday. It will also be the first night I have ever spent away from my children by myself. That's in 13 years.

Hahahaha - that's gonna be a biiiig banquette

Er, Blackduck, you're making me panic now. "Glammed up"?? Oh shit...

Yes BD - what is this 'glamming up' of which you speak? I may buy a new top from New Look, or indeed Sainsburys, but that's as far as it's going to go.

We may need two banquettes - I have a huge arse.

Sorry didn't mean to stress anyone out!

BD, I do hope you will come - and bring a pic of your Bongo to show me. Anyone who has a Bongo has totally made it, you know. Fact.

Can I interrupt the banquette bookings to say....
I have 14 for a 3 hour 7th disco party at home on Sunday

Wilbur has your google calendar alert pinged to remind you about your scheduled packing meltdown this arvo?

Dukes, at least you haven't had a Bloke round today to replace a bit of the dishwasher - we got a letter from the manufacturers saying it was going to burst into flames - who then broke a pipe and left after reproving me for getting arsey with him. We now have no frigging dishwasher till next Friday when Mr Inferior can take the afternoon off to have another Bloke round. Wot with us having booked today for first Bloke because I am working at home, innit.

And any chance of seeing you chez Horace next Thursday?

Only 7 sleeps to go

BD, hope you can make it. And looking forward to seeing Wilbur's chic leather jacket and Herb's supermarket chic

You're right. I didn't have the dishwasher bloke in today.... because he was here on Tuesday. (BSH bloke to sort out hazardous Bosch) How weird! Sorry yours has been broken that's rubbish.

Yes to Horace too!

I will no doubt see you while doing the rounds of schools this week. (Another reason I cannot take time off for Boschmachine.) Horace or Tillyskidskool or Sidnem Low (as apparently the staff answer the phone, to distinguish it from Sidnem High).

I want to bongo this weekend but Dp has shedloads to do - bloody students back on Monday.
oh MI how annoying!
Wilber are you limbering up for meltdown?
We had one about cello yesterday - he didn't go to lesson (clash with trip) so didn't get it. Cue major 'my life is not worth living, school is awful' snot filled meltdown (bit like howl in howls moving castle)......
Dukes. - respect

You're welcome Blackduck (glory hole, right?)

MI, love the schools you are going to visit We will be at Carpetboys on Monday!

Ah, yes, another Horace

Talking of unfulfilled potential/mothers (pace MrsS)....My sister texted me yesterday. Her job has been made permanent; she's been working on the ACAS helpline, which is something to her surprise she rather enjoys. Our mother said 'but darling, is it stretching enough for you?' Now, I secretly see what she means...but darling sister has many hangups and a few mental health Ishoos, and there are things you DO NOT BLOODY SAY. Rather like the remark a while back, which I think I relayed to you lot, that 'of course I' ve never been heavy enough to give blood'. Sis was anorexic for years. I merely spent decades amazed that anyone was prepared to shag my hideous enormity (and thus putting up with many really quite horrible blokes out of sheer gratitude). As you were...