Crepeys/Hagsnet - come to the candlelight!

[MrsSchadenfreude]

As the last thread is now full...

Thanks you guys. CV and Mrs S -- eyes are more hideously puffy than wrinkly. And the puffiness is asymmetric. Urgh.

Dunno Tilly -- logically you're right and it would beat being caught out at effing Clapham Junction station . . . which, it turns out, has a lovely clean bathroom accessible for just 20p. But emotionally, tis a shock.

I am only sharing this to cheer up mittenkitten and give you all a laugh - what happens on crepeys stays on crepeys, ok? In an attempt to get my mojo revved up (or rather stressed out dh's) I made the monumental decision to have a rather more enthusiastic bikini wax than usual at the weekend. Having never had a Brazilian or anything near it (a Bolivian?) I gritted my teeth and let the waxing lady go to town. OMFG. All I can say is that at least now my smear test will be a walk in the park. I'm not convinced about the aesthetics, tbh, I think my lady garden ran wild for a reason, but it does feel, ummm, surprisingly pleasant. So now my noonoo looks like Hitler, and I'm actually quite bashful about showing the porno version of me to dh. Still, it was a step outside my comfort zone, in so many ways, which is apparently what we all need to be doing according to an article in the Sunday Times Style section this week.

wilbur!

I think that would be a step too far outside my comfort zone. I mean I am happy to have a thorough removal of excess hair, but never mind DH, I don't think I could bear having to look at what lies beneath on a daily basis

Mitten, hope you didn't have an embarrassing leak, which is what happened to me the other day. Thankfully I think only my friend saw and thanks to her supplies and a powerful hand drier, I survived to tell the tale!

Wilbur :)
I am sure there are other things you could have done that were outside your comfort zone! (I so will not be joining you....)

Oh, Wilbur, that has cheered me up.

As opposed to DD1's results in the Lewisham secondary transfer banding. I always thought DD1 was quite bright

Why are you looking at secondary transfer already, MI? I thought they had another year to go? If it will help, DD2 was assessed in her MAP testing (like American SATs, I think) as being of "low to low average" in English. She got A for English in her school report - I asked her teacher about the discrepancy, but she didn't reply (she was retiring and, I think, had already pressed the "fuck it" button). I think DD2 probably couldn't be bothered...

Have just pushed taken my mother to Eurostar. She wasn't too bad this time. I just let the constant criticism and the endless "what you should have done/what you ought to do/what I would have done if I had been you" wash over me.

I am still laughing at Wilbur. I tried to do my bikini line with immac a few years ago, fell asleep and woke up with a fanjo which was more like a Mexican Hairless (bald with a few unattractive wisps here and there) than a Brazilian. I just tuck the fronds in now.

In our borough they do tests at the beginning of the Y5 summer term, which allocates them into the bands that they'll then be sorted into for secondary school.

What is making me more depressed is that it's not that bad, but not that bad because of her writing. Any twerp can write. I can write.

Wilbur, roffle at "my noonoo looks like Hitler." You DID cheer me up.

Like the idea that what happens on Crepeys stays on Crepeys . . . yes Tilly, I did, but I had my own supplies and fortunately it was not major. But it was humiliatingly like being back in school BEFORE things became, er, regular.

I could will tell an embarrassing supply story (stop me if you've heard this one): Well, I used to be a journo. So this one time, I was interviewing some junior politico type as I recall, and I had my handbag sitting on the table. At the conclusion of the interview I went to put my notebook and recorder away and the treacherous and evil handbag tipped over and out rolled a tampon . . . right to the table edge, where it fell to the floor, bounced once or twice and then pootled off to points unknown. We watched, hypnotized, but nothing was said.

Ah, womanhood . . . .

LOL, mitten. I used to work at NATO and was dashing to the loo once, tampon in hand, when I was stopped in the corridor to meet the Chief of Defence Staff. Tried to shift tampon to left hand unobtrusively to shake his hand and dropped it. He made eye contact constantly for about 5 minutes while chatting to me, but as he walked off, my evil smarmy army colleague picked it up, waved it, and said, I think you have dropped something, Mrs Sch...

Oh yes, I dropped a tampon out of my bag once while interviewing a somewhat flouncy gay man who was clearly a bit put off by this.

Disclaimer: plenty of straight men are clearly put off by Womanly Functions. But at least with them you can mutter that this is an unavoidable fact of life. Whereas gay bloke had clearly set up a - very nice - life that avoided such facts

Wilbur, that was very brave! I certainly won't be stepping that far outside my comfort zone any time soon - especially as I am horribly allergic to wax and have had hives on the one or two occasions I tried out having my legs waxed (erk! I'm thinking Hitler with hives..). I know I've had some embarrassing tampon-related experiences, but they were clearly so embarrassing that I am unable to recall them. Although dropping one when shaking hands with the Chief of Defence Staff at NATO takes some beating

I have now learned to carry them to the loo in my left hand.

Mrs. S. Too bad you couldn't have kicked army man.

God, MI, I'm glad it's not just me.

I would say 'this is where a mooncup is an improvement', smugly, except I once dropped my mooncup, in its little bag, out of my work bag at a conference. Heaven knows where it ended up.

A rather straight - or is it strait?-laced male member of our choir has just emailed us all to wish everyone a 'happy Evensongfest'. Except he's made a crucial typo and said 'evensnog'.

Ah, Evensnog - that sounds like a festival I could get with. Glad I created some with my over-manicured undercarriage. I doubt I will be doing it again, but I'm quite glad I know what people are talking about now, AND how utterly humiliated regular extreme waxers are when they go to the salon. As I have feminist reservations about the whole depilation thing, I'm hoping that the pain at least will keep some young girls from thinking this is how they should look at all costs.

Sorry that dd1's results were disappointing, MI, but is that the last of the assessments? Do they have a test in October/November like ds1 will be sitting for Wandsworth?

Nope, it's the last one. They are not that bad, but they're not as good as I'd like.

You need a mirkin, Wilbur.

I got my revenge on smarmy army. I left a large pair of stockings (ie that would fit him) in his filing cabinet, to which everyone had access... He knew it was me but was unable to prove it...

Mrs S -- that's one of the best revenge stories I've ever heard. Remind me never to cross you . . . .

I have been stroking cat's tummy absent mindedly with one hand, and pulled at what I thought was a knot in his fur (he is a Maine Coon, very furry, very beautiful, not bright - if he was human, he would be platinum blonde). It turned out to be his, ahem, willy. He didn't seem to mind.

Mitten - yes, he thought twice after that before crossing me!

More jolly anecdotes from the crepeys to cheer up my evening.

I work in a very male office and a few months ago dropped a tampon right in front of my desk. By the time I spotted it I realised it must have been sitting there for at least an hour; the entire staff had clearly been stepping over it all that time, and no-one had said a thing.

This fanjo-waxing thing is very worrying, Wilbur; I thought on this thread at least I would be safe from the widespread plucking and pruning obsession which afflicts our "young folk". My pubes grow wild and free as befits my advancing years. What did your DH think?

MrsS, for goodness sake leave the poor cat alone!

Snort at mirkin - now I know why they were invented. Cointreau, don't worry, I think you are safe here from extreme waxing, you can just view me as having undergone the procedure as an experiment so that you don't have to. And dh, as befits a repressed Englishman, said "Well, that was a bit of a surprise."

Love the stockings sotry, Mrs S, very creative. I thought you were going to say you were stroking your cat and contemplating your plan for world domination...

at "Well, that was a bit of a surprise."