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Original poster

How do I persuade my friend out of one dress and into another?

58 replies

FoundWanting · 20/05/2011 19:48

BF is getting married and wants this dress. honeypieboutique.co.uk/ourshop/prod_651001-Audrey.html

She is a size 18/20, busty and with big arms (she also has that red, bumpy skin people moan about). She doesn't have much of a waist.

I think she looks best with a v-neck or sweetheart neckline, and something fitted under the bust rather than to the waist.

Can anyone help me find something wonderful for her that will make her look and feel her best? Budget is up to £1,000 (lucky her), she is about 5'8", dark blonde hair and enviably dark-blue eyes. Wedding is in October at a country-house hotel.

Equally, if you think I am being a right cow feel free to point it out. Smile

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 20/05/2011 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FoundWanting · 20/05/2011 20:29

I like the 'Sophia' on the first site, too.

But she is talking about having a stole in case it is cool. What is the point of having a lovely dress and wrapping a blanket round your shoulders?

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 20/05/2011 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FoundWanting · 20/05/2011 20:31

ggirl Grin Grin Grin

I sent her that link this afternoon. Haven't heard back yet.

That is a lovely neck-line on her and still has the full skirt she wants.

OP posts:
tethersend · 20/05/2011 20:32

She needs a neck more like this or this but obviously in white satin.

She should get one made.

Ambernj1 · 20/05/2011 20:33

Has she tried it on?

I bought that very dress for my wedding - I am an 8/10, hourglass but with a decent rack (34dd) and it looked fucking hideous on me! I sold it on eBay and got me a strapless chiffon maxi from Coast which looked 10 billion times better.

That dress is so unforgiving. I actually have a pretty decent figure, but I think you'd literally need to be 6ft tall with no boobs to pull it off.

With a budget that big she should have no problem finding something throughly more suitable and flattering - wedding shows are great for checking out lots of dresses all in one place.

I don't think you're being a cow, I think you're trying to save your friend from a lifetime of looking at godawful photos of herself on what should be the day she feels most beautiful. That said if she loves it and is happy with it who are we to argue?

fairtradefloozy · 20/05/2011 20:34

yes, you are being a great friend. If she's asked for your opinion and/or to go dress shopping with her, she does want your advice but probably won't want to hear anything too, well ... honest.

I had a taste arbiter for my wedding dress since I need a bit of a steer. Dear friend let me try them all on and was very "guiding" in her comments on the dresses with questions and comments like:

"do you like how that sits across the top of your bottom"
"are you comfortable with how that sits across your tummy"
"can you see the back properly in the mirror"
"what does it look like when you try and sit down"
"what about the length - what kind of shoes would you want to go with that"

She neatly steered me into a good enough direction with these insightful questions, and so my wedding day wasn't a complete frocky horror!

CakeandRoses · 20/05/2011 20:34

I would really really persuade her to try it on sooner rather than later, explaining that if she doesn't end up liking it on then she will leave herself too short of time to find another one/have it made.

and then when she tries it on, she'll hopefully see it's a car crash or worst case will at at least ask you what you think of it - and then over to you, good friend Grin ....

tethersend · 20/05/2011 20:35

Great site, ggirl... I think this is lovely.

ggirl · 20/05/2011 20:37

yy to getting one made for her
she's got the budget

wish I'd done that

tethersend · 20/05/2011 20:37

This place looks great for a made to order fifties style dress within budget.

LovelyDaffs · 20/05/2011 20:41

Cracked heal cream is the Mumsnetters 'cure' for her red spot arms btw, it's worked for me and lots of others.

Original poster
FoundWanting · 20/05/2011 20:41

I suggested something like this which was linked to on another thread.

She liked it, but said it was too similar to her everyday style, which suits her

I'll try to get her out shopping but she rarely tries anything on in shops. Prefers to try them at home and take 99% back again. I can't imagine her letting anyone get near her with a tape-measure but I will suggest it.

OP posts:
ggirl · 20/05/2011 20:42

am i the only one who thinks 50's style is not the mmost flattering for larger ladies?

ggirl · 20/05/2011 20:44

found-yes that style is better but the lace on that one is a bit cheap looking

Original poster
FoundWanting · 20/05/2011 20:46

tethersend I found that site earlier but no prices. How much do you think they are?

OP posts:
TheHouseofMirth · 20/05/2011 20:50

BluddyMoFo that dress is called Audrey not Jordan for a reason. I'm size 6 and it would suit me fine. I am totally flat chested but it doesn't stop me being drawn to lovely dresses that would look shit on me. I can totally understand where the bride is coming from, it's a special day, there's much pressure on her to look a certain way etc but she will weep when she sees her photos if she's wearing that dress and I think it's the OP's duty to convince her to try something else.

OP I think rather than telling her this dress isn't the one I'd be more inclined to get her to try on some others and hope she falls in love with something else. Can you find a shop selling something similar and something you think would suit her better and then engineer a visit? If she's a best friend could you emotionally l her by saying you've always dreamed of going wedding dress hunting with her?

ClaireDeLoon · 20/05/2011 20:52

I really like the lace sleeve one tethers linked to.

girl I think it depends on the overall shape - suits hourglass so ok if that shape but larger but even slim apple shape wouldn't work.

Original poster
FoundWanting · 20/05/2011 20:53

ggirl I met her and her mother for coffee last week and she showed us the dress on her phone. Her mother (who has offered to buy the dress) said, "I'm not paying for that!" and told me to talk her out of it. Shock

I just said that I thought the neck-line was a bit severe, and I thought she could find something nicer.

I know she is a bit down about her weight, but unlikely to lose any. I find myself having to tread very carefully...

OP posts:
tethersend · 20/05/2011 21:02

The one on the homepage says £995, so top end of budget, but very fancy... I'm sure she could get what she wanted within her budget there.

Original poster
FoundWanting · 20/05/2011 21:08

Duh Seen it now. Blush

Prices start from £995.

I'll send her the link but I think she'll write it off as too expensive.

OP posts:
tethersend · 20/05/2011 21:10

Bugger, sorry.

TBH, if she decides on a style she can get a tailor to make it for her for half that.

Original poster
FoundWanting · 20/05/2011 21:26

Thank you all for your help.

I've been browsing the web this evening, and I think she is going to have to have something made.

Almost nothing with any kind of sleeve - I thought Kate's dress would have sorted that.

Very few that are 'ballerina length' if indeed anyone even uses that term anymore. Blush They are mostly full-length or on the knee.

OP posts:
coffeewhitenosugar · 20/05/2011 21:42

hi, i agree with Thesecondcoming, how about arranging a nice girly day out trying on wedding dresses just for fun? You could suggest dresses that really suit her and stress how amazing she looks in them and try to steer her away from ones that dont (like the one she wants). I think you are being a good friend.

drivingmissdaisy · 20/05/2011 22:46

Hello, I think you're being a good friend and doing the right thing.

When I got married 6 years ago I had my heart set on a dress by Romona Keveza, it was identical to the dress your friend likes but full length. Although a petite size 10 I've got a big bust and keratosis polaris on my arms too.

When I tried the dress on my heart sank as I looked awful in it, the lady in the shop tactfully agreed. I settled on a strapless number, despite vowing I would not wear one as every other bride was, but it suited me best.

I channelled the Audrey look with opera length gloves and a tiara and veil in my hair.

A dose of fake tan helped to camouflage the bumpy skin on my arms.

Maybe something like this could be good for your friend and she could also wear gloves and a tiara too if she wanted to go for the Audrey look.

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