Mission Impossible........help me find an outfit and look nice for a black tie "do"?

[luvverlyday]

Ok, this is an impossible task but I need to find a dress for a black tie do and I have the following "issues"

1. Very overweight - at least a size 22, am 5ft 8ins tall
2. Very fat belly and massive bum - which I definitely need to hide
3. Horridly fat arms at the top so I can't wear sleeveless - short sleeves are just about do-able
4. The "do" is in June - no idea about weather but it's inside. Lots of dancing so I don't want a shrug as I can't hold it round my horrid arms all night.
5. I can't wear heels - I find them hellish.
6. I only ever wear black when I got out anywhere "nice". I love colour really but am too embarrassed to draw attention to myself so prefer to wear black. I also HATE patterns as I think they make me look bigger.
7. I don't have much money - maximum £100 to spend on everything.

On the good side:

I have good boobs but not small - 40 DD.
I have nice blonde, well streaked hair
I can't think of anything else.

I did say it was impossible!!..... anyone got any ideas?

So you want a plain black long dress with sleeves, is that right? In a size 22?

Would you consider any other plain dark colour like purple , or does it have to be black?

What about a sleeveless dress and a shrug that doesn't ned to be " held on"? It's quite hard to find long sleeved long dresses even in winter. But there are plenty maxis around just now

Do you have shoes and a bag already? So the budget for the dress is £100?

Wuld you be happy with this much coverage on your arms?

Not sure if this is formal enough, but it is a solid colour and has sleeves.

Asos Curve range, tiered chiffon....

Not a shrug but a sheer, full length 'coat' that goes over your v. plain, comfortable, dress. You're tall so this will work. Long shiny beads to echo the 'long' theme. Lovely shiny blonde hair against the black, great make up, lovely scent... You're going to look fab.

What about this or this? Both have shortish sleeves and are empire line and come in under budget.

Stretching the budget, but this is gorgeous, killer dress.

You can wear cheap silver pumps or sandals (flatter here) underneath, and you wouldn't need any more accessories...

Maybe a silver clutch?

Tethersend, you are indeed queen of s and b links
[ curtseys]

There are some fabulous dresses on that site

Any good OP?

I think you should forget about a black dress, get something comfortable and colourful and have a good time. Think about the bright costuumes large black ladies seem to be so keen on ( for good reason) - something like the Twiggy caftan at M&S perhaps?

I'm a very similar height and size to the OP - 22, and 5'9''. I very much sympathise on the lack of choice and am ewatching suggestions with interest.

I'm sure your suggestion is well meant, higgle, but I personally wouldn't be seen dead in that M and S kaftan currently modelled by Twiggy. It's like a 70s send-up - think Abigail's party or Demi Roussos. Apart from that, clothes like tents with no definition are bound to make large people look bigger, IMO. Also don't really understand the reference to 'black ladies' - surely ladies of any colour all have different tastes and suit different styles. And the OP is blonde anyway.

The only dress I personally would consider so far would be the Curvety one.

However, I do realise it's for the OP to say what she likes and doesn't like, not me. Just wouldn't want anyone to think all of us who're Size 22 would be content to wear things like the M and S kaftan, that's all.

does this tick boxes?

purple

pretty

Polyhymnia - I'm simply saying that hiding yourself away in black clothes just because you are not happy with your figure doesn't really make for a fun night out. When I resolved to lose 4 stone a couple of years back ( done and dusted,now size 8 -10) the first thing I did was to buy some really nice size 18 things in bright colours to cheer myself up and get me started, felt if I couldn't begin to feel good about myself I 'd never lose the weight. I was actually thinking about when I went to a Garden Party at Buckingham Palace last year. Most of the white english ladies who were on the large size had dressed very safely and looked a bit miserable as they eyed up those who were more flamboyantly dressed. There was a large contingent of black ladies who were in company with a very colourfully dressed black bishop. They were mostly size 20 plus and dressed in brihgt colours ( with the headgear too, I suppose not a choice if you are not African) They looked super confident and happy and were chatting and talking to everyone.

OP, you don't have to disguise yourself for this event, chose something drop dead georgeous from one of the larger ladies web sites and go and have a great time.

higgle - thanks for the explanation - now I understand where you're coming from.

Have never felt the need to hide away myself - in fact, have always enjoyed buying clothes and putting together outfits, no matter what the occasion. Sometimes black but more often not. Don't like a lot of bright colour myself but that's nothing to do with size, more colouring and personal taste. I think if you're confident and happy with your hair, clothes, etc that's what shows, regardless of size and exact colour choice. You really don't need to feel embarrassed.

Still think that M and S kaftan is horrific, though!

That last dress looks as if it has possibilities, Collision. Not a lover of Ann Harvey myself.

There was a thread on here about 3 weeks ago, started, I think, by bibibelle which had some good maxis on in a 20. Worth a look as some of those are likely to go to a 22.

Yes, it was started by her, on 26 March : At 5'6'' and Size 20 can I wear a Maxi Dress?'. Some great suggestions there. Some m might be a bit too casual for your occasion but I don't think they all were by any means.

That M&S kaftan is pure evil.

how about http://www.asos.com/Asos/Asos-Curve-V-Neck-Chiffon-Dress/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=1364546&cid=10528&Rf900=1459,1465,1642,1557,1573,1604,1612,1621&Rf-300=1752&sh=0&pge=2&pgesize=20&sort=-1&clr=Black

oops sorry..how do you do short links??

blast - the link didn't even work. sorry

www.asos.com/Asos/Asos-Curve-V-Neck-Chiffon-Dress/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=1364546&cid=10528&Rf900=1459,1465,1642,1557,1573,1604,1612,1621&Rf-300=1752&sh=0&pge=2&pgesize=20&sort=-1&clr=Black

it's that one. sorry for the long rubbish link. I need lessons.

here

selks

for links you put at the beginning and at the end of the link you leave a space and type in comment like 'here' and then add

have a go

Do you think the OP is coming back?

Dunno but I have put a lot of effort in this one so she had better come back!!