I am pregnant despite being a virgin, honest guv and have no idea what I'm doing...

[HostOfPhantomListeners]

No idea how that happened, but happen it did.

So this year I have to go to 2 weddings (one summery hogroast type affair, one more formal, church, sit down reception shennanigans), a night out in some glam cocktail bar in London named 'I really don't belong here even when non-pregnant' and then a couple of other things at which I should probably wear something other than a loose-fitting tarp and sou'wester.

I'll be between 4 and 8 months when these things happen and ideally need to buy one item of clothing that will suit them all. I have frick all money, even less idea of what looks good and don't shop well.

All maternity dresses are ruffled and/or black and/or made of viscose.

I'm a bit of a hippy and like patchwork and DMs.

Just point me in the direction of a dress that will do. I'm size 10 and 5' 4" on tiptoes.

Oh by 4 months I will be huge already. I turn into a Greenpeace special interest project from 12 weeks. No chance I can wear anything non-maternity.

Am size 10/12 (edging towards 12 before getting pregnant), 5'6" on tiptoes. Just wore a Wallis dress for a formal-ish occasion, not maternity and I'm an enormous 24 weeks with 3rd pregnancy but it's stretchy (polyester but hey...). The one I got has sold out but was black & white and good for the less formal wedding, cocktail bar etc probably. Have a look in store as you really need to try on to see what might work with bump (hard to tell if fabric is stretchy online) but their sale stuff is here

Also went to my sister's wedding at 24 weeks (1st pregnancy tho so bit smaller) in a stretchy non-mat dress - I find the mat stuff ends up all a bit tent like whereas at least stretchy makes it obvious you are pregnant rather than "blimey she's let herself go".

i got a denise van outen maternity dress from very.co.uk that i was dubious about but was in the sale. think it was supposed to be £40 but I got it for £13. When it arrived its gorgeous. Ive worn it out twice and machine washed it and its been lovely. Id have a look at her range as the ruching style is gonna last me all the way through. I'll definately be wearing it again. It was a plain plum colour by the way - not flowery! but i know what you mean about everything being flowers, frills and viscose!

Go into shops? Oh lordy, do I have to?

I think "blimey she's let herself go" follows me round as a thought anyway.

I will endeavour to find out if there is a wallis (never heard of it tbh) nearby and have a look but generally find that I need maternity clothes. For comfort mainly.

Maybe I will buy a tarp.

Just had quick look on Asos sale for you in maternity wear too.

This could be nice, hard to tell without seeing in real life

And this, though maybe quite short? Worth trying as models are usually v tall

I just bought this but haven't tried on yet, also b&w so maybe not ideal

More summery?

Worth looking through, especially sale stuff. Is v hard to find non-black though, I've been moaning about that myself.

I just got a nice one from cath kidston in the sale, floral, hippy and dressy if you can catch all things in one boat

don't feel like you have to go too far away from what you'd wear normally, as you still have to feel you

Thanks mrsnich, will have a look at the DVO stuff (she's the blonde, pretty, wee slip of a thing married to the curly haired chap, get me with my sleb knowledge).

really have to try stuff on tbh, I'm going to the wedding tomorrow and have tried on loads that looked awful !!

feel your pain

Host - perhaps a dress that puddles

sorry, i can't help your dilemma but your post really made me laugh! especially.. 5'4" on tiptoes

I like the red one Norkily but you do know the first one is the colour of an upset stomach?

This, with perhaps some flared trousers underneath if dressing down?

Upset stomach? Hm. You'd think I'd recognise it

I'm not trying things on. That implies going to shops and hopping about on one leg huffing and puffing while assistants stare daggers at me. Can't you just link me to a knitting pattern.

traceybath, I have no clue what you're on about.

Oh Boffy, I really like that. You're very good at this for a witch.

This is nice Has a touch of the anglomanias about it.

Norkily - when are you due?

pretty blouse to wear with trousers/jeans

for the bar with jeans

And if you did have a maxi dress - that could work well - jersey ones that are non-maternity tend to be pretty forgiving.

I have a fairly nice black dress. Topshop maternity, size 10, was a bit roomy on me, I wore it to a ball and a wedding. Want to borrow? Would cover the London bar jobby nicely. No chance of my needing it any time soon.

I bloody well hate having to get nice stuff when pg, feels like such a waste of money!

May I do a slightly loony congratulatory grin?

Hang on, you like BoF's one? That's called "frilly" and "floral"? Right, will adopt new approach

Tracey - mid-May. Am enormous tho, so need industrial style maternity wardrobe to see me through til then!

Anglomania? Eh? Words of one syllable where clothes are concerned.

That dress is nice tracey but my mega list of stuff to do doesn't involve firing anybody in a boardroom.

I'm not very dressy. I like to wear beads and bath in henna. I reek of patchouli.

God - patchouli you say - can one buy that in space nk?

I'd have a look in h&m and new look to be honest and top shop worth a try.

Oh the frilly dress is pretty.

Oh I LOVE that butterfly top and the grey wrap. VERY good.

Indith, problem is that the bride of one wedding in particular will NOT countenance me wearing black. I'd have to accessorise away from the colour of doom so as not to upset her. And that's hard work.

And, er, excuse me, I'm incognito. You can all stop pretending you know who I am.

New Look? That's for 13yr olds in skinny jeans. I can't go in there, I don't fit through the security system.

WTF is space nk? I genuinely don't know.

And big congratulations too

Space nk is like a posh superdrug

The butterfly top is gorgeous isn't it.

I found dresses made me look enormous when pregnant but as am only 5ft and tend to get very very fat when pregnant - well lets just say it wasn't my most glamorous time.

Aah superdrug, home of capri sun and collection 2000.

I adore that butterfly top. What do you wear with that? Trousers I suppose? It's ££ though. I could dress that up/down or whatever you fashion people say right?

Could I wear a hat. I like hats.