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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Step-parenting

12 replies

NuttyTart · 07/02/2005 21:09

I'm an mother to two boys and my partner has three girls who come and stay every other weekend.

After their visits the girls make comments to their father that I'm not as much fun as I used to be and am bossy and constantly tidying up. Any ideas on what to do, I don't treat the girls any different to my boys. I work full time and am training for a half marathon and studying. I try to make these weekends happy for everyone although I may not have a smile plastered across my face! I do not want to jeopardise my relationship because of this.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

whoopsie · 07/02/2005 21:20

N.T , not much to add really , except maybe they think youre not as much fun anymore as it is harder for you now youve got 5 children at the weekend, or did you always have your boys?
Step parenting is hard , really hard. YOu are not alone

Surfermum · 07/02/2005 21:36

Has anything changed NT? Were you always studying and training or is that something new? I worry that my dsd thinks the same of me, as I feel I'm less fun and am constantly moaning about the mess when she's here. I find it so much harder now I have dd (20m) to look after too - and I only have 2 of them (well 3 as the boy next door is always here when dsd is here).

The last time she came we all went swimming and then to Asda for hot chocolate. It was a lovely morning and I've decided that we should make the effort to do something fun, and all together, each time she's here.

Having said that, maybe your husband needs to explain to them that you have a lot on your plate and sometimes that can make people a bit less fun at times. I'm wondering too if they are thinking it's personal, and if they know it isn't them that's making you less fun or bossy then they might feel better.

beansprout · 07/02/2005 21:37

How old are all the kids NT?

otto · 08/02/2005 10:56

Gosh, it sounds as if you've got quite alot on your plate. I find it hard with 10month ds and 9-year old sd, plus full-time work. How old are the children?

Original poster

NuttyTart · 08/02/2005 19:27

My two are 11 and 9, the girls are 13, 11 and 6. Yes I've always had my boys with me. I started training for half marathon a year a go, mainly to keep fit and do something for myself. I started studying in Jan, with the hope that if I pass the exams I can have a bit more of a career.

OP posts:

beansprout · 08/02/2005 21:17

How do you feel about them being there? Are you not so happy when the girls are there? And what does dp think about it?

otto · 09/02/2005 10:58

Do you feel as if you're not as much fun as you used to be?

Original poster

NuttyTart · 09/02/2005 19:04

I do feel I've lost my sparkle a bit, my boys complain when they know it's a 'girl weekend' but once they all get together they have a great time. The two older ones are like brother and sister. I think sub consciously I get a little bit stressed when I know it's a 'girl weekend'.

OP posts:

annalou41 · 20/02/2005 11:10

Hi I know how you feel, I have two girls 12 & 9 my partner has a girl and boy 13 & 10. His daughter (13) recently has started to be really awkward, bossy, demanding and sulks if she doesn't get her own way. Her behaviour is rubbing off on my girls, she really is setting a bad example. They stay every other wk end and I spend all day clearing up afterwards, picking up wet towels from bedroom/bathroom and she wonders why I get a bit irritated with her???? She refuses to help with clearing up after meals, and if her Dad makes her help, the biggest hissy fit is sure to follow. I'm starting to dread them staying.... I don't know how to deal with her tantrums and find it hard to talk to my partner about his daughters spoilt, rude attitude to life. Any one else in similar situation ?

squirrel3 · 03/03/2005 09:38

I have 2 grown up children of my own, my partner has 2 grown up children and 2 younger kids aged 13 and 9. He has them every other weekend and 1 night during the week. I dread these times, they are so messy, I spend an entire day cleaning the house the day after they have gone home. They won't clean up after themselves. They are realy noisy, disrespectful and they lie all the time, you can actually see them do something (like drawing on my furniture) and when you tell them off they lie and say "it wasnt me" my partner just thinks its either cute when the girl does it or believes them when they lie about it, he never backs me up. They never go to bed at a resonable time (infact I'm usualy in bed before them). His ex moans because I dont love the kids like she does then he moans at me for not getting excited and not having a great big grin when they arrive, I try to make sure they have a good weekend but its hard to be happy about twice the amount of work with half the amount of sleep! Am I just a wicked step-mother?

littlerach · 03/03/2005 10:08

Can sympathise as I have 2 step children, they stay every month. Yes, the house is much messier, I spend ages tidying and cooking, but DH does it too, so can't moan about that!! Unfortunately SD is very messy, so bad that when her grandad was visiting, she refused to show him her room at her house, as she knew how dissappointed he would be. DD1 looks up to her, and so thinks it is cool to be untidy, e real battle of wills each month! I think a lot of it is that our house is not made for that many people, so it is more crowded when they stay, plus all of their stuff!!
Really, it is up to DH to help you though, as it is his house too, and his children. They are old enough to be told this and to understand it.

squirrel3 · 03/03/2005 10:57

My partner moved in to my home bringing nothing but his clothes etc, so it is my furniture that is being destroyed by his kids (ok so I know that its our furniture and our home now) but I cant help feeling resentful that I brought up both my kids to be respectful of our home then his kids come in and show no respect at all! I've tried to talk to them and P about it but I feel that I get no real say in it anyway, "they behave that way at home and they should treat ours as if it is theirs" is the reply YES I want them to feel at home but its my home and they should respect my rules. They take over, they are very loud and 'in your face'children, my 19yr old son finds it very difficult,when they arrive he retreats to his room and stays there all wkend until its 'safe' (his words) to come down. Surely there is a way I can resolve these conflicts!? My relationship is at risk, I love their father but......
Crikey!! what a rant! I AM, I AM A WICKED STEP-MOTHER!! but I don't know how to change how I feel...

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