Light hearted conversation ended in dramatics

[songbird3086]

So at dinner last night myself and DH his mother, sister and brother. For contact we all get on fabulously and there are zero issues.
we were discussing a friend we all know and his recent break up and my DH jokingly said that he would love to go find a little 2 bed and have a batchelor pad where he can have things that I don’t like. We all laughed and I said well you’d need a 3 bed ( we have a 8 year old boy together and his daughter 18 who has lived with us full time since 15 and is no contact with her mum )
he again jokingly said “oh she’d definitely prefer to stay put than move with me “ and I replied well that wouldn’t be an option if you left me she’d be going with you and our son would he shared.

now.. his mother and sister looked horrified and say if his daughter chose to stay in the family home with me. I said no that I’d struggle enough on one income so I wouldn’t want the responsibility unfortunately. Now this was all totally hypothetical but it wound me up.

They kept going on about it and saying that was awful of me and I just said it’s logistics it wouldn’t change me seeing her or anything about the relationship but a child at home lives with there parent end of. My DH saw this going south and quickly tried to smooth it over and end it but his mother said that she was shocked and thought better of me!!

I replied well you’ve got two spare rooms so I guess you could always offer!

its really annoyed me that now im painted as some awful person!

Would it be different if your husband died? Or would she still need to leave her home? Because that would be what I’d be left worrying about if I was your husband.

This is your own doing. Learn how to read the room.

I get it. I also have a son from my first marriage and a shared son with my now husband. I get the jokey vibe and how things can be taken outa context sometimes. But have you actually thought about what would happen we SD if you broke up with her dad? As it sounds like maybe you have as I dunno how that would have suddenly just come into your mind? And if you have that’s fair enough and honest. Just probably wasn’t the best place to air it. Hope you’re ok xx

You’ve just revealed how you really feel about the step daughter. So yeah I can see why they were horrified. But I can also see your kind of point as well as to why she wouldn’t just naturally go live with her father. Supposed it all depends on family dynamics

You’re in the wrong here OP in my opinion. If it was a light hearted convo, you made it not so! I really hope DSD wasn’t in ear shot !!

Yes I agree. If it was a lighthearted convo you slightly lead it down a darker turn by saying DSD would not be welcome at your place. It didn’t need to be said.

MIL is a bit of a ... no comment.
Sorry, to be honest if you guys did split up, of course children live with parents. Nothing to stop you having a relationship going forward with a step child, or ex step child as it would be but no, you shouldn't be responsible for her going forward.

Yes this. You made it weird op.

You could have just laughed along with his original bachelor pad comment but instead you turned it into a domestic.

I hope his daughter didn’t hear any of that, how hurtful.

Cant actually believe this thread. A Dad makes a joke about abandoning both his children, but his wife who isnt even the parent of one of them is somehow the nasty one. good grief.

How was him saying he would like to have a batchelor pad a huge compliment? Its a huge insult.

Does her father secretly wish HE didnt have a daughter? he started the conversation and didnt include her in it.

The problem started when you turned what was a joke by DH and then a compliment into DH into a RL “if that happened I wouldn’t let your DD live with me” serious discussion.

Next time learn when to stop talking!

I don’t know why OP is getting stick on here. SD is not wanted by her mum ( for whatever reason ) and her father has admitted he wouldn’t want her either !! Why didn’t the family round on him ?

I’m with you OP. If you split, she’s her father’s responsibility, not yours.

Sorry but I’m with the OP on this one. There seems to be a lot of ppl missing the point that it was ok for her dh to say he’d like to get his own 2 bed with his own shit without her. Joke or not, how’s she supposed to take that at a family meal? Had he been thinking about it? Like ppl are saying the op must have been with the SD?

another thing is that the SD is 18, an adult, she has 2 parents, one with NC for what ever reason, and her DF who she chose to live with and the OP for the past 3 years. There is clearly a good relationship between SD & OP from DH comments about her rather wanting to stay with her, yet that comment raises eyebrows to me and makes me think it’s because OP does everything. If that’s the case, no wonder SD would prefer to stay there 🙄

Why is the OP being bashed for pointing out the obvious that the SD is not her biological child, is an adult and if dh wants to fk off with his own shit he has responsibilities to his children too. It’s not her role to accommodate the SD for however many years into the future on her own. She may struggle to get on the property ladder or afford to rent her own place for years in this housing situation 😳

I think the ‘compliment’ is meant to be that SD would rather stay with OP. That to me just suggests that OP does everything and DF does fk all 🤨 not much of a compliment in my book, more of a admission of being a lazy fkr