Being the bad guy as always.

[OneBlueFawn]

Hi all. Feel like I have this argument too much. But my stepson goes home on weekends to his mothers. He came home last week with a really bad cold which was fine. But he now has a sickness bug and her whole family has caught it. I mean he was there less than 24 hours and caught it. Now I have a 2 year old boy. I simply suggested that the older stepson should stay with his mother and recover with the rest of the family, as i have to think about my child's health and all hell has broke loose. Partner is kicking off saying he has to find somewhere else to live , and apparently I'm stopping child from seeing his father.

I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable , he's going to be with his mother ? but as usual I'm the bad guy.

I’m confused about the timeline. You’ve been together 8 years of the DSS’s 9 years of life, did the nappies and sleepless nights etc. But your partner has moved in recently because of the mum? And you live in a one-bed? Which implies that partner and DSS weren’t living there because wouldn’t the housing provider have moved you to a two-bed ages ago if that was the case?

Anyway, in the short term, a vomiting child in a one-bed with 3 other people is madness. Your partner needs to provide a decent home for his children (you already have done for yours). But the mum’s sounds chaotic and has a lack of care, which is awful too.

Does he have a plan for housing longer term?

In theory it would be better if he stayed there to avoid everyone else getting sick, it sounds like you are his primary carer and more of a mum to him that his actual mother so he probably wants to be at home with you and DH where he is comfortable.

I hope you don’t catch the bug!

I don’t think it’s wrong of you to try to ease a whole household getting a sickness bug. We’ve had it before when SS has been ill and we’ve swapped weekends when my daughter was a baby to ease passing it on and same when my daughter has been ill, giving SS option to not visit so his mum’s household isn’t then ill.

She is liable to dump him somewhere else?

Surely he needs to come home so he is safe with his primary carer (dad)?

This comes up a a lot . The majority of mumsnet posters always think it’s fine to put a little ones health in jeopardy or the sick boys relationship with father is ruined. That’s bollocks in reality .

I would split with your partner he seems an arse.

This just isn’t black and white.

On the face of it, it makes sense for him to stay with his mum given he’s already there. But only if that’s what he wants. His dad’s house is his primary home, he likely wants to be in his own bed.

If a woman posted that her partner was refusing to have her child in the house because he was ill she would be told to get rid of him. This is no different.

Your posts are contradicting.
You say in one that you've done the mothering since SS was 2 but in another he slept on a sofa bed in your house.

Are yiu really suggesting that you have a 9yr sold SS and a 2yr old shared child, and you all live in a 1 bed apartment for the last 7 years? This is just ridiculous.

My SC always travels back to whatever home he is meant to be in unless he is physically too unwell. The poor kid probably has no idea where he belongs if he doesn't have a place at either home.

I’m not sure a lot of women would move their child into their BF’s one-bed flat.

Bears repeating and printing out and taping to the bathroom mirror.

So dad dumped the hard work of parenting onto you and you did it. Too many women do this and it's not appreciated.

Dad seems to have overreacted, but this is his home, sick or not.

You wouldn't be able to send your 2 year old anywhere if he was sick.
DSS's mum has shown that she's not the best by palming him off to his dad from a very young age.

That’s a ridiculous situation, four of you squashed into a one-bedroom flat. Your DP needs to sort out adequate housing if he wants to have primary custody of his son. Neither of his parents are doing the right thing by the poor child.

Not to mention not doing the right thing for you and your toddler.