Being the bad guy as always.

[OneBlueFawn]

Hi all. Feel like I have this argument too much. But my stepson goes home on weekends to his mothers. He came home last week with a really bad cold which was fine. But he now has a sickness bug and her whole family has caught it. I mean he was there less than 24 hours and caught it. Now I have a 2 year old boy. I simply suggested that the older stepson should stay with his mother and recover with the rest of the family, as i have to think about my child's health and all hell has broke loose. Partner is kicking off saying he has to find somewhere else to live , and apparently I'm stopping child from seeing his father.

I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable , he's going to be with his mother ? but as usual I'm the bad guy.

That’s shocking that your partner is being like that with you when you’ve stepped in doing the parenting/mother role from your DSS being such a young age

We do not have the room to isolate. They have moved in with me due to childs mother. I live in a 1 bedroom flat with my 2 year old.

Never said i didnt want him here. Dont assume things. Ive asked mum to think about keeping him there. He has a room to himself there, we dont have a room to isolate him.

Thank you. its more of the fact that she has the room for him to rest and isolate. We have a very small 1 bedroom. It was me and my 2 year old here. But because of circumstances and his mother, partner is here and his child.

You live in a one bedroom flat with 2 children?
Tell your partner to sort out some proper living arrangements if he wants to make an issue about DSS staying in the house.

I mean he was there but hes always been treated like a baby i guess. All changed when he met me hahah. He was just used to everyone else doing everything. His words were " i cant force her to keep him with her "....

When we initially moved here , it was me , partner and his son would stay on weekends. We had a sofa bed he used to stay on. Found out i was pregnant, immediately contacted housing who said theyd move us when they could. Then when my 2 year old was born , mum started being awkward and started refusing and making excuses on why he had to be here. So now we are all squished here.

OP it sounds like your relationship is fairly short term and yet you’ve had to take on the mother role.
Your partner is being completely unreasonable! I thought your DSS was older and the 2 year old was a shared child.
I wouldn’t back down in this case, I’d say “sorry but no” and if he doesn’t like it then he needs to find somewhere big enough for you to all live properly.

Edit: sorry cross post - so the 2 year old is also his. So as I said before, it’s still sensible to keep them apart if possible. Let your partner decide, but make it clear that he needs to be the one who looks after him. Then you and your 2 year old try to be out as much as possible.

8 years ive been with him. Eldest is 9 and stepchild. Little one is 2 mine and partners.

Why did you do it and not his dad?

Also, it sounds like he would be much more comfortable in the house he spends most time in, yours and his dads, if his mum is that bad. His dad needs to look after him though.

He did but partners mum and childs mum used to do it all so guess he just assumed. I remember the first time i met the little one , partners mum was like " i can pass nappy duty on now". I think that was like the 5th time i met him.

Given the age of your DSS, you’ve clearly shown that you care for him, and he’s been in your life a long time. Your partner is trying to guilt trip you, possibly because he feels sorry for his DS because of how his mother is, but that’s not your fault and you need to make it clear to him that it’s about doing right by everyone involved

He’s not being “sent away” he is quarantining at his other house.

I have to think about our little one too. I understand that hes going to catch things , but if i can ease it a little by him staying with his mum then im willing to do that. Im actually surprised she told us this time. Couple of weeks ago, he came back from hers and he was like scratching. Checked him over plastered in chickenpox.... 2 year old got it the week after and ive honestly never seen him so ill.

Thank you, someone speaking some sense. !!!!

YABU of course child should come home to their primary residence. You've said how bad the mum is and how little she takes care, why do you think she will step up now the child is sick.

Entitled to your opinion.

Your whole set up is no way to live. Tell your partner that he needs to find you all somewhere of decent size to live. That should shut him up

What!!! Hell no!! You’ll all come down with the stomach bug in this scenario!! Why hasn’t your boyfriend found himself and his son a house to live in?

He thinks we should all live together but i just dont think it works. I mean maybe if we had more room. Its a very small apartment.

Your partner is right - he ought to find somewhere else to live. Somewhere big enough for himself and his two children, and you if you also want to live with him. Don't think of his words as a threat but a promise that he's going to find somewhere more suitable.

He has no motivation to find somewhere to live, he just wants us all under 1 roof.

Because that is what you accept sadly. So that is what you get. Please go for some counselling, you are being used here and it’s not going to get any better.
What exactly does this man have going for him? Does he have a job? A house? Any accommodation to offer his first child?
Ask yourself were you convenient in terms of childcare and accommodation!!!!!

Give him motivation. Tell him he's not welcome in your one bedroom flat any longer.

Adding all the info together, it looks like you had a nice single life in a one-bed flat. 👍

You met a homeless(?) man who saw little of his very young DC (presumably because he had no where to look after him).🚩🚩

You moved the man into your flat and then his DC started visiting more, but everyone, including your DP, expected YOU to be the primary carer rather than the actual parent 🙄🚩🚩🚩

Five to six years or this you endured before getting pregnant yourself and decided that the man who done fuck-all parenting or home-providing in the time you’d know him would be a great father to your child. 🚩🚩🚩

Shocker, your DP is an equally shit parent to your child and puts him in danger of bugs and illnesses rather than step up and parent himself, or request that his ex takes care of son for a bit longer to prevent the sickness bug spreading.🚩🚩🚩

I’m not really sure what to say, as this man has given you nothing and simply taken your time, energy, home since he arrived. Why do you think he’s suddenly going to be sensible now.

You must know your life would be better without this man in it, surely?