Being the bad guy as always.

[OneBlueFawn]

Hi all. Feel like I have this argument too much. But my stepson goes home on weekends to his mothers. He came home last week with a really bad cold which was fine. But he now has a sickness bug and her whole family has caught it. I mean he was there less than 24 hours and caught it. Now I have a 2 year old boy. I simply suggested that the older stepson should stay with his mother and recover with the rest of the family, as i have to think about my child's health and all hell has broke loose. Partner is kicking off saying he has to find somewhere else to live , and apparently I'm stopping child from seeing his father.

I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable , he's going to be with his mother ? but as usual I'm the bad guy.

If he lives with you all week how can your partner say you’re stopping him seeing his son?

You're not being unreasonable. Don't let them escalate.

But the relationship sounds very poor if you’re always the bad guy.
If you split up will he expect to have your 2 year old the majority of the time too?

If he lives with you all week how can you possibly be stopping him seeing his son? That makes no sense.

Because im suggesting he stays with mum till he feels better....

It makes me sound crazy, im a bad person for suggesting he be with his mum?

Sometimes feel like they all think i have something against my step son.

because ive suggested he stay there

In the same way a parent can’t send a sibling away because they are sick, I think yabu. I get the fact you don’t want the bug but this isn’t a random relative, it’s your husband’s (assumption) dc and his home is with you during the time he is ill. I would never send my own ill dc away but you expect your spouse to?

But she isn't sending him away. She is suggesting he stay with his mum for a day or so until the vomiting bug clears so their household isn't also infected. She isn't exactly suggesting he stay in the workhouse for a month.

@OneBlueFawn I’d say that if he’s happy to look after DS, fine, but you’ll be keeping your toddler away from the germs. You won’t be cleaning up if he’s unwell, for example.

I always put on washing up gloves and disinfect door handles, taps, etc. when someone has a sickness bug - I know that sounds ridiculous, but it seems to work. Take your toddler out as much as possible.

@TeenLifeMum He could isolate in their house, that’s what we do if one of us has a bug. Plus my trusty gloves and disinfectant…my family laugh at me, but it works!

@BruFord i do get the desire to keep him away but it’s his home and I hate it when first families have to take second place to step mum’s new baby, like he’s an inconvenience. They just need to wash their hands.

If your DSS stays with his mum on weekends, surely he’s there now and stays until Sunday evening?

The bug may have passed by then, but if not your DH can bring him home, isolate him, feed him, clean and sanitise the bathroom after every use etc and take parental leave on Monday and any other days he needs to care for his child.

If, however, your DH is expecting you to do all the caring and cleaning and taking leave to look after your DSS that’s unreasonable. It’s his child, his contact time and he needs to care for him.

There’s no need for you or your 2yr old to be anywhere near your DSS until he’s well again.

@TeenLifeMum Yes, I meant that he could isolate at their house ( the OP’s) and his Dad could look after him.

The OP could arm herself with cleaning products like me. 🤣

1-2 extra nights with his mum won’t hurt. Your hardly stopping him see him when he sees him 260 days a year! Your partner is being ridiculous, i would tell him if he comes back & the 2 year old catches it he will be looking after the 2 year old single handed.

He probably just wants to be in his primary home when he’s unwell.

Absolutely. It must suck being the child both parents are not wanting in their home.

I can't imagine any circumstances in which my DSDs would have been transported between houses with a sickness bug. Surely it's madness to try and move a vomiting child. Common sense dictates that they stay where they are til they are better.

Hes there now. The entire family have it. I have suggested he stays to see if it eases off. You don't know what ive done for that child. His mum decided at 2 years old to only see him a few hours a week in town.... i did the sleepless nights, the illnesses etc.

She does not have any. If she feels like she could be missing out on something because her children are sick, she will either dump them on someone or drag them out,

not husband, Im not sending him away, hes there right now.

OP this is just your DH being silly. Common sense should tell him that it’s sensible for his son to stay with other people who have the bug.
I’ve left my own DS at his dad’s when they both had a bug, does that mean I don’t care about him? No, it was just that I didn’t want to catch it when I had to go to work!

I’d just state the obvious, but then say “it’s your call though, if you’d rather he be here that’s fine, but obviously you’ll need to look after him and take time off work as needed as I can’t risk catching it while I have the little one to look after”

I have suggested 1 or 2 days considering hes there now. Like you said its not like im expecting him to be away for a month.

thing is i would be expected to clean up after him. His mother would expect me to look after him. His mother only has him from Friday night till about 1pm Sunday.