Backed into a corner by DH

[loopsaloo]

Hi all
On the back of another thread, I’d really appreciate any type of advice. To keep it short, SD is 27.
two years ago she lived with us for 3 months. She brought nothing but upset, chaos, intimidation, constant awful lies, police and ambulances in the middle of the night, I became so anxious I couldn’t leave the house. The last time I saw her was nearly two years ago, when I had to remove myself and my 16 year old daughter at 2 am due to her threatening to smash up the house, commit suicide,calling everyone cunts at the top her voice.
thats the tip of the iceberg. She was sent by DH back to her mother’s in wales where she continued to cause havoc.
she now has a 6 month old baby. DH is backing me into a corner to see her on Saturday.
I just don’t know what to do. She wants to come to the house and I’m just eaten up with anxiety.

Tell him that while you support his choice to have a relationship with his DD he neds to support your choice not to.
Go out for the day and just go home in time to get ready for the party nd then see the people you want to there.
No huge fall out needed, just treat your SD with total indifference and shut your DH down VRY hard and very quickly if he makes noises about reconcilliation
Of course if she has completely changed and offers a sincere apology you could changee your mind but you are under no obligation to

Compromise say you will meet her but not in your house, go out for lunch and a walk in the park or something. Tell your DH you like the house how it is decorated and it doesn't need a make over.

Good. Take your daughter with you if she’s there.

You aren’t obligated to speak or see your husband’s psycho daughter ever again.

Who cares whether or not he does?

Lol I had my kid at 16, my disdain for teenage mothers comes from life experience love.

Apologies for misreading though, I saw 16yo daughter and my brain missed the 27. You could've pointed it out without being a bitch though 🙂

Perfect response. I think your DH is right not to give up on his child, and you should be sympathetic to how upsetting this all is for him, but you don’t have to be involved with her yourself. Don’t make him choose between you though.

I'd point out to him that you know he loves his DD and wants things to be better but you also love your DD and having to drag her out of the house in the early hours to protect her is not a thing you can ever forget. If his DD is civil at the party I'd match that but I wouldn't be giving her the big welcome he's probably expecting.

My parents were awful to both my partner and my steps. My partner ended up saying that if they came to visit, it needed to be out of our home. It was the best thing as it meant that our home remained a safe space.
I really hope you are able to stand up to him and say this about your step-daughter. If he insists she must come to your home, you take yourself off out for the day. He can't dictate who you choose to spend time with.