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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Can we take the kids on holiday?

75 replies

CherryDropReader · 03/10/2025 11:25

My partner and I have been together for 2 years. I met their children (now 11 & 8) a year ago. Introductions were gradual and child-led. I now see them just under 50% of the time my partner has them. We don’t live together yet, but we plan to in about a year, and the children and I have a fantastic relationship.

We’d like to take the children on holiday next summer. My partner checked with the children’s other parent, expecting to sort out dates. Instead, the reply was that my partner should take the children alone, as it should be one-on-one time.

My partner does have lots of one-on-one time with the children, and I’ve also chosen to step back at times to respect that. From my perspective, I wonder if this isn’t really about one-on-one time, but more about discomfort with me being involved. The children would certainly enjoy a holiday with just their parent, but we know they’d love it even more with both of us there (this is something they’ve said and the wider family have commented on too).

My partner has politely set a boundary that I will be coming, and that this trip doesn’t replace their one-on-one time. There’s been no response.

I feel sad that the kids may miss out because of this. Earlier this year, my partner and I went away for a family member’s milestone birthday (very adult-focused), and the kids really wanted to come. Between us, we decided we’d do something together with them next year. If this holiday doesn’t happen, from the children’s perspective it might feel like we’re choosing to go away without them, when in reality it’s the other parent blocking it.

How do we navigate this? If you were in my position, my partner’s, or the other parent’s, what would you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dontcomeatme · 03/10/2025 11:32

I can see both sides. To the other parent you are just a partner currently, you don't even live together. So you are a complete stranger to this parent. However, you've said that moving in together is on the cards very soon. Once you two live together it is completely different. As the DSC will be coming to stay with their parent and you.
That's my view, but in reality they cannot dictate what their parent does with them during their time, or who they spend it with. Just as your partner cannot dictate their time either. So plan the holiday. The other parent has no legal standing to stop you from joining them x

PeanutButter55 · 03/10/2025 11:35

The other parent does not get to dictate who should/shouldn’t come on holiday with the DC. Legally there is nothing that they can do - they’re simply being difficult (and probably jealous!). If I were your partner I’d ignore it and go ahead with the booking for you all. Give no other details than holiday dates and where you will be going.

I took DD and DS (then 6 & 8) away on holiday with my then partner. Didn’t inform ex-H as it was none of his business. We all had a brilliant time and the DC absolutely loved him being there - much better fun than me apparently🤣

Notsopls · 03/10/2025 11:41

I feel sad that the kids may miss out because of this.

why the heck can’t he take them without you?

2 years? What’s the rush? Just enjoy your holidays with your kids without your boyfriend and other kids for the time being!

Notsopls · 03/10/2025 11:41

The children would certainly enjoy a holiday with just their parent, but we know they’d love it even more with both of us there

They actively want your boyfriend there? They hardly know? Doubt it.

Justcallmedaffodil · 03/10/2025 11:46

Notsopls · 03/10/2025 11:41

I feel sad that the kids may miss out because of this.

why the heck can’t he take them without you?

2 years? What’s the rush? Just enjoy your holidays with your kids without your boyfriend and other kids for the time being!

Of course he could take them on his own, but why should he? How far do you take it, in terms of the other parent getting to dictate how he spends his time? Can she veto days out too? Evenings watching film? Etc.

caringcarer · 03/10/2025 11:52

After my divorce I cared for our 7 year old accept every other weekend and he went for dinner with exh, once a week but exh cancelled the dinners a lot. I booked to take DC on holiday with new fiancé and me when DC was 10 and exh hit the roof and threatened me with court action. This was when my fiance had been living with me and DC for almost a year. DC wanted fiance there as I didn't spend enough time in the cold sea with him but fiance would spend as long as DS wanted. Never got taken to court as hollow threat by exh.

InfoSecInTheCity · 03/10/2025 12:00

Yes you can. I can understand her perspective but actually unless there is a reason why legally you should not be in the presence of the children and if your partner has parental responsibility there is no legitimate reason to prevent it. Your partner is their father and can make decisions about who is in the children’s lives as much as their mum can. The one thing she can do is refuse to agree to a switch of dates if the standard days would need to change, in which case he may need a court order to force it which would potentially be damaging to the relationship and have other impacts.

Ultimately it will come down to weighing up what’s best for the children and the long term relationships of all concerned.

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 13:40

The children would certainly enjoy a holiday with just their parent, but we know they’d love it even more with both of us there (this is something they’ve said and the wider family have commented on too).

You think they’d enjoy having their dad’s girlfriend there (someone they’ve known a mere year) more than them and their dad?

No OP, I highly doubt that.

just leave this for your boyfriend and his ex to sort.

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 13:44

I feel sad that the kids may miss out because of this.

Are you saying he wouldn’t take his children on holiday unless his girlfriend joined them too?

McSpoot · 03/10/2025 13:48

How often does he have them? If you’re with them for half of the time he had them, their time alone with him is very different if he has them (for example) 50/50 versus EOW.

Mizztikle · 03/10/2025 14:05

Unfortunately for her its none of her business what he does with his children when its his time to have them, just as he has no say what happens when they are in their mothers care, unless of course they are in danger.
As long as you're not expecting her to pay towards it or provide anything for the holiday she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/10/2025 14:18

So will you be living together next summer as that’s almost a years time

I Think it’s very different going on holiday as just In a relationship with dad V be living together

So this time next year you and partner would’ve been together three years and practically moving in with each other

I think it’s fine to have the children with you.

In the end it is none of her business equally maybe you can meet her if you haven’t so she can see who her children are gonna be spending one or two weeks with

user2848502016 · 03/10/2025 14:31

Hmmm I can see the other parent’s side tbh,
I think I would feel the same if it were my kids

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:33

I wonder whether the mother is simply saying this because her children don’t want a woman they’ve known a year to join them on holiday with the dad

or perhaps the dad doesn’t want the op to join but doesn’t have the balls to be honest about it

the op seems very sure that she is very important to these children and how central her presence is to them

Original poster

CherryDropReader · 03/10/2025 14:34

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 13:44

I feel sad that the kids may miss out because of this.

Are you saying he wouldn’t take his children on holiday unless his girlfriend joined them too?

Financially, my partner is unable to afford it alone.

OP posts:

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:35

CherryDropReader · 03/10/2025 14:34

Financially, my partner is unable to afford it alone.

Show quote history

Aaaashhh and there we have it!

so he can’t possibly take his children anywhere on holiday because he doesn’t have two pennies to rub together

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:36

So he has never taken his children away on holiday before?

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sosigrole · 03/10/2025 14:38

OP has said 'their' so can't assume OP is female or partner is male, not that it matters

wineosaurus4 · 03/10/2025 14:38

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 13:44

I feel sad that the kids may miss out because of this.

Are you saying he wouldn’t take his children on holiday unless his girlfriend joined them too?

Absolutely the case, why should his ex get to decide who he holidays with? They want to go on holiday and bring the kids along, if mum says no they can’t go then that’s on her. It’s a shame some mother’s jealousy takes priority over their kids happiness. It’s very common in blended families when the mother loses control of the ex partner they use their kids as pawns to try to get what they want.

Laiste · 03/10/2025 14:41

I think i'd let them go away together (dad and kids) this year and leave the 'family' style holidays for when you've actually moved in together.

Take the pressure off and gracefully and cheerfully bow out.

Those kids have dealt with a lot and are making a big adjustment in their short lives. A bit longer could mean a lot to them whereas a year is nothing to an adult.

Original poster

CherryDropReader · 03/10/2025 14:53

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:33

I wonder whether the mother is simply saying this because her children don’t want a woman they’ve known a year to join them on holiday with the dad

or perhaps the dad doesn’t want the op to join but doesn’t have the balls to be honest about it

the op seems very sure that she is very important to these children and how central her presence is to them

I can appreciate you see this post and nothing else hence why you ponder those things. To keep the post on topic of what it was about I was not going to go into the daily ins and outs of our lives & relationships.

The children and I have a very good relationship and my partner navigated my introduction in a very careful, child-led way and my relationship with them continues in this very much child led manner. The children do not know anything about a holiday as of yet as my partner wanted to check with the other parent.

Unfortunately, the other parents response is in black and white so that rules that one out.

To touch on your last point, my relationship with the children is important for them growing up in a blended family. There is nothing worse than disliking your parents partner, I’ve been there! I inputted that to illustrate that there are no issues from the children about me as the context of going holiday changes completely if the children didn’t like me or had concerns about me. In no way, shape or form, did I express that my presence is central to them - as I expressed in the original post, my partner & their family are the ones that have commented on the fact that the children would have a more enjoyable time with me there. They are not my words, they just added context as I have mentioned above.

OP posts:

Mizztikle · 03/10/2025 14:53

Laiste · 03/10/2025 14:41

I think i'd let them go away together (dad and kids) this year and leave the 'family' style holidays for when you've actually moved in together.

Take the pressure off and gracefully and cheerfully bow out.

Those kids have dealt with a lot and are making a big adjustment in their short lives. A bit longer could mean a lot to them whereas a year is nothing to an adult.

Op has already said he cant afford it alone. I assume it will be a joint treat for the children.

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:54

To touch on your last point, my relationship with the children is important for them growing up in a blended family.

they have known you a year. Stop with the blended family Nonsense.

your boyfriend doesn’t have money to take his children on holiday without you contributing? Cripes

how often does he have his children?

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:55

Mizztikle · 03/10/2025 14:53

Op has already said he cant afford it alone. I assume it will be a joint treat for the children.

Show quote history

If he can’t afford to take his children on holiday unless his girlfriend chips in…. Maybe he should consider a different type
oF Holiday

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